I'm an engineering student, and total geek...kinda. I love to bake, and am learning how to intricately decorate cakes, so my friends get sweets often. I like giving food to the homeless, and wish i could do it every day. I have many friends and care about all of them. I'm the type of person who, though i have a lot going on in my own life, will set aside my problems or frustrations and smile or console a friend when they need it more.
My favorite gifts are just because gifts. I like giving someone a gift because i just felt like it or something just jumped out at me as being perfect for them, i think its more special than a Christmas or birthday gift because its unexpected, and says I'm thinking of you even when i don't have to.

I suffer from depression and have attempted suicide twice, and thought about it a lot. I hope that I am never so lost as to try again. Though I'm getting help, I am far from perfect and i still have panic attacks often, and cry more than i should. Little things bother me, and i'm paranoid about little things. I've learned though that one thing that helps me feel better about myself, is helping other people feel better about themselves. Its hard to criticize myself when i'm telling someone else not to. I like taking care of people, though i do occasionally need my own time. One of my biggest fears is that I will never have children, either because I give up on life too early, or because I never meet that right guy, or am too scarred to allow myself that gift. My biggest fear though is that i will have children, and then out of weakness let my depression, or bipolar, get the best of me, and i'll leave them without a mother. Most people tell me i think too much about the future and worry too much about things that can't be fixed right now. I know that I do, I'm scarred that I'll never find my perfect mate, I'm still a virgin and waiting for him (marriage), my friends say i should be so serious and shouldn't worry about if a guy is the right guy but i do. I think I found him, but i'm scarred to tell him. I have had several guys tell me i'm the girl you marry, and have been proposed two twice seriously. Both of my exes said they wanted to marry me, but unfortunately either out of wisdom or out of fear I ran away from both.

Now I also have a fun side. I love cartoons, and jokes. I love to dance like a fool, but i also like taking dance classes. I love to smile and have been told I have a beautiful smile, though i tend to try to hide it from most people. I can roar like a bobcat...at parties my friends always ask me to do bobcat if there is anyone there that hasn't heard it. I personally don't think its that great, but i love that my friends jump when i do it even when they know its coming. I love making people laugh, often at my own expense. I often insult people by pointing thing out about them without thinking, mostly becasue often i am attracted to peoples small flaws. I can be blunt and sometimes my humor is cynical or rude, but honestly i'd cry if it ever hurt anyones feelings, most people know this about me i'm pretty sure, and if i think someone doesn't like the jokes i stop them immeadiately and appologize.

I think i'm somewhat of a personality mimic, not intentionally, but becasue i try not to insult people, i guess i seem to mimic their personality when i'm first getting to know them, but that only if i like their personality...i don't do any of that superficial over the top full of yourself crap.

I have very low self esteem, but i'm working on it....currently i describe myself as a work in progress. :-)

randolph	justme38271	yurdreamis	hnygrl