bytorMember Since: Mar 2006 Gender: Male Age Range: 36-45 City: Pittsburgh Commitment: Taken Questions Received: 87 Questions Responded To: 41405 Responses Left Unrated: 0 Overall Rating: 186016 Average Rating: 2.73 Level: 10
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ABOUT ME
Work Type: Ethnicity / Faith: Education: Sexual Preference: MY SHOWCASE
Hobbies and Interests:
Sports, Getting Really Nude, Food / Cooking / Wine, Museums / Theater, Cars / Motorcycles, Reading, Home Renovations, Watching Tube, Travel, Movies, S&M, Music, Drinking Beer, Biking, Pets, Family Activities, Books, Business, Gardening, Religion
About Me Essay:
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I've been there, done that, been totally and completely ruined and also rose again like the Phoenix, to stand on top of the mountain. I've loved and lost and loved and lost and loved and lost and am currently very happily in love with THE most wonderful woman in the world! I can't say I've been the perfect anything to anyone, ever, but I sure do want to be, for her! There is no one whose love has ever meant more to me than her, and I dedicate all that I am, ever was, or ever may be to her, for believing in me. On A*O, I am known as one who has been around a long time and gives good advice, but also a smart-ass sometimes, but it is never meant to personally offend; merely in fun... and I try to give the best advice I can, whenever there is someone who genuinely needs help to face an issue. I have probably just about as many "haters" as people who like and appreciate me, but in the end run, I think it all boils down to one of the basic functions of being a cognizant human being---one's willingness to look beyond the obvious, and see the underlying meaning, and accept opinions beyond their own... even when I don't agree with a particular response or opinion, I always try to look for the angle they are coming in from, and consider their point of view, before I rate the statement or reply to them. I think that's the only fair way to be, since opinions are like asses... we all have 'em, and MOST of 'em stink!!! So, if I offend you in my responses, please bear in mind it probably had more to do with the way your presentation was, rather than the point of view... and also, if you come at me, I shall surely retalliate, in kind, and with massive response. The community has people in it who live to stir up drama and trouble, and I certainly don't mind "outing" them, for the good of the vast majority of other members, who use it to have fun and get some real questions answered... And the REST of you can just suck it!!! LOL!!!!! :-D Click on this player to hear By~Tor and Frozen Rose's original 1990 EP release - - 5 songs, all available for free download on Archive.org!!!:
personality test by similarminds.com The REST of this Profile, Brought to you by the Letter "X"!!!: "Life Less Ordinary" Live a life less ordinary Live a life extraordinary with me Live a life less sedentary Live a life evolutionary with me Well I hate to be a bother, But it's you and there's no other, I do believe You can call me naive but... I know me very well (at least as far as I can tell) And I know what I need The night you came into my life Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me You blew away my storm and strife And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me By the way, I do know why you stayed away... I will keep tongue-tied next time Live a life less ordinary Live a life extraordinary with me My face had said too much Before our hands could even touch To greet a 'hello' (So much for going slow...) A little later on that year I told you that I loved you dear What do you know? This you weren't prepared to hear I'm a saddened man, I'm a broken boy I'm a toddler with a complex toy I've fallen apart, since the ambush of your heart The night you came into my life Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me You blew away my storm and strife And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me. By the way, I do know why you stayed away I will keep tongue-tied but... Honey understand, honey understand I won't make demands Honey understand, honey understand We could walk without a plan. Honey understand (honey), honey understand I won't rest in stone all alone Honey understand, honey understand I'm all ready to go But you already know... Live a life less ordinary Live a life extraordinary with me. If I could name you in this song Would it make you smile and sing along? This is the goal: to get into your soul If I could make you dance for joy Could that be the second-chance decoy? The bird-in-hand I would need To help you understand? The night you came into my life well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me You blew away my storm and strife And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me By the way, I do know why you stayed away I will keep tongue-tied next time And to all of those who think I'm just one way or another..... ........You think you know me..... On this day I see clearly... everything has come to life... bitter place and a broken dream And we leave it all behind... On this day it's so real to me Everything has come to life... Another chance to chase a dream Another chance to feel- Chance to feel alive ... I have been defeted and brought down dropped to my knees when hope went out... ohhhhh they time has come to change my ways On this day I see clearly everything has come to life... bitter place and a broken dream And we leave it all leave it all behind (yeah)... I'll never long for what might have been no regret won't waste my life again ohhhh I won't look back I'll fight to remain.... On this day I see clearly everything has come to life... A bitter place and a broken dream And we'll leave it all behind... On this day it's so real to me Everything has come to life... Another chance to chase a dream Another chance to feel-- Chance to feel alive ... Fear will kill me, all I could be Lift these sorrows... Let me breathe, could you set me free Could you set me free... On this day I see clearly everything has come to life... A bitter place and a broken dream And we'll leave it all behind... On this day it's so real to me Everything has come to life... Another chance to chase a dream Another chance to feel~ Chance to feel alive. "Eat My Dust You Insensitive Fuck" (Catherine Wheel): I think I have the best of me Inside my head No one else competes with me I think I'm great Got spirit tucked away inside I know the ghosts of angel notes to kiss Everything I sing is part of this Got honey brushed across my lips I know, I know, I know, I know If you can call this luck... If you can call this luck... If you can miss this much... Eat my dust you insensitive fuck... Eat my dust you insensitive fuck... Eat my dust    Mike Hancock's Profile  Create Your Badge ---------------------------------------------- "Stay Away Monday", by Leftover Salmon "...Stay away Monday; you're back too soon. I've been out all weekend howlin' at the moon, Dancin' to the rhythm of a Cajun tune. Monday come a'runnin' always give me the blues. And now Monday's coming back too soon. Whoa, Monday's coming back too soon. Now I'm lookin' to tomorrow, but I can't see The winds of change are gonna blow on me I'm tired of my workin' man misery I work like a dog, but a dog runs free And now Monday's coming back too soon. Whoa, Monday's coming back too soon. Well, one of these Mondays I'm gonna stay in bed I'm gonna watch the mornin' sky turn red Gonna turn off my clock and turn on my head And never let the weekend come to an end And now Monday's coming back too soon. Whoa, Monday's coming back too soon...." ------------------------------------------------ "Live For the Moment" There's a little pile of ashes where my old life used to be Credit cards and memories all dumped into the sea Well this ain't no time for bullshit as I fly into the sun Well you can't trust anybody if you can't trust number one Well the man tells me my future, their's not so far away And get ready for tomorrow, I gotta waste my whole today My inner luck knows better, it's what I wanna hear Just like a diamond bullet where it's crystal (crystal) clear Oh yeah Wooooo! I can slap a tornado I can dry up a sea, yeah When I live for the moment There ain't no (r'ain't no) with me You'll never find your pleasure if you worry about your pain And your precious little details are stretchin' out my brain Well you spin around and bite your nails, now let me tell you, son That you can't trust anybody if you can't trust number one Well the man tells me my future and it's not so far away to I get ready for tomorrow, I gotta waste my whole today Well my inner luck knows better, oh it's what I wanna hear Just like a diamond bullet where it's crystal (crystal) clear Oh yeah I can slap a tornado I can dry up a sea When I live for the moment There ain't no (r'ain't no)with me Now don't you sell me no future, yeah Don't you sell me your love I ain't vouchin' your number You couldn't pay me enough I ain't buyin' no future when the past is so far away x4 I can slap a tornado I can dry up a sea, yeah When I live for the moment There ain't no (r'ain't no) with me Now don't you sell me no future, yeah Don't you sell me your love I ain't vouchin' your number You couldn't pay me enough, you couldn't pay me enough You Couldn't pay me enough............... ~Monster Magnet ------------------------------------------------ - - THE POLITICAL SECTION - - Clinton-Phobia, or Protection Against Clinton-Mania?!?! The Clintons, to adapt a line from Dr. Johnson, were not only corrupt, they were the cause of corruption in others. Yet seldom in America have so many come to excuse so much mendacity and malfeasance as during the Clinton years. Here are some of the facts that have been buried. RECORDS SET - The only president ever impeached on grounds of personal malfeasance - Most number of convictions and guilty pleas by friends and associates* - Most number of cabinet officials to come under criminal investigation - Most number of witnesses to flee country or refuse to testify - Most number of witnesses to die suddenly - First president sued for sexual harassment. - First president accused of rape. - First first lady to come under criminal investigation - Largest criminal plea agreement in an illegal campaign contribution case - First president to establish a legal defense fund. - First president to be held in contempt of court - Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions - Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions from abroad - First president disbarred from the US Supreme Court and a state court * According to our best information, 40 government officials were indicted or convicted in the wake of Watergate. A reader computes that there was a total of 31 Reagan era convictions, including 14 because of Iran-Contra and 16 in the Department of Housing & Urban Development scandal. 47 individuals and businesses associated with the Clinton machine were convicted of or pleaded guilty to crimes with 33 of these occurring during the Clinton administration itself. There were in addition 61 indictments or misdemeanor charges. 14 persons were imprisoned. A key difference between the Clinton story and earlier ones was the number of criminals with whom he was associated before entering the White House. Using a far looser standard that included resignations, David R. Simon and D. Stanley Eitzen in Elite Deviance, say that 138 appointees of the Reagan administration either resigned under an ethical cloud or were criminally indicted. Curiously Haynes Johnson uses the same figure but with a different standard in "Sleep-Walking Through History: America in the Reagan Years: "By the end of his term, 138 administration officials had been convicted, had been indicted, or had been the subject of official investigations for official misconduct and/or criminal violations. In terms of number of officials involved, the record of his administration was the worst ever." STARR-RAY INVESTIGATION - Number of Starr-Ray investigation convictions or guilty pleas (including one governor, one associate attorney general and two Clinton business partners): 14 - Number of Clinton Cabinet members who came under criminal investigation: 5 - Number of Reagan cabinet members who came under criminal investigation: 4 - Number of top officials jailed in the Teapot Dome Scandal: 3 CRIME STATS - Number of individuals and businesses associated with the Clinton machine who have been convicted of or pleaded guilty to crimes: 47 - Number of these convictions during Clinton's presidency: 33 - Number of indictments/misdemeanor charges: 61 - Number of congressional witnesses who have pleaded the Fifth Amendment, fled the country to avoid testifying, or (in the case of foreign witnesses) refused to be interviewed: 122 SMALTZ INVESTIGATION - Guilty pleas and convictions obtained by Donald Smaltz in cases involving charges of bribery and fraud against former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy and associated individuals and businesses: 15 - Acquitted or overturned cases (including Espy): 6 - Fines and penalties assessed: $11.5 million - Amount Tyson Food paid in fines and court costs: $6 million CAMPAIGN FINANCE INVESTIGATION - As of June 2000, the Justice Department listed 25 people indicted and 19 convicted because of the 1996 Clinton-Gore fundraising scandals. - According to the House Committee on Government Reform in September 2000, 79 House and Senate witnesses asserted the Fifth Amendment in the course of investigations into Gore's last fundraising campaign. -James Riady entered a plea agreement to pay an $8.5 million fine for campaign finance crimes. This was a record under campaign finance laws. CLINTON MACHINE CRIMES FOR WHICH CONVICTIONS WERE OBTAINED Drug trafficking (3), racketeering, extortion, bribery (4), tax evasion, kickbacks, embezzlement (2), fraud (12), conspiracy (5), fraudulent loans, illegal gifts (1), illegal campaign contributions (5), money laundering (6), perjury, obstruction of justice. HISTORICAL CONTEXT - Number of independent counsel inquiries since the 1978 law was passed: 19 - Number that have produced indictments: 7 - Number that produced more convictions than the Starr investigation: 1 - Median length of investigations that led to convictions: 44 months - Length of Starr-Ray investigation: 69 months. - Total cost of the Starr investigation (3/00) $52 million - Total cost of the Iran-Contra investigation: $48.5 million - Total cost to taxpayers of the Madison Guarantee failure: $73 million OTHER MATTERS INVESTIGATED BY SPECIAL PROSECUTORS AND CONGRESS, OR REPORTED IN THE MEDIA Bank and mail fraud, violations of campaign finance laws, illegal foreign campaign funding, improper exports of sensitive technology, physical violence and threats of violence, solicitation of perjury, intimidation of witnesses, bribery of witnesses, attempted intimidation of prosecutors, perjury before congressional committees, lying in statements to federal investigators and regulatory officials, flight of witnesses, obstruction of justice, bribery of cabinet members, real estate fraud, tax fraud, drug trafficking, failure to investigate drug trafficking, bribery of state officials, use of state police for personal purposes, exchange of promotions or benefits for sexual favors, using state police to provide false court testimony, laundering of drug money through a state agency, false reports by medical examiners and others investigating suspicious deaths, the firing of the RTC and FBI director when these agencies were investigating Clinton and his associates, failure to conduct autopsies in suspicious deaths, providing jobs in return for silence by witnesses, drug abuse, improper acquisition and use of 900 FBI files, improper futures trading, murder, sexual abuse of employees, false testimony before a federal judge, shredding of documents, withholding and concealment of subpoenaed documents, fabricated charges against (and improper firing of) White House employees, inviting drug traffickers, foreign agents and participants in organized crime to the White House. ARKANSAS ALTZHEIMER'S Number of times that Clinton figures who testified in court or before Congress said that they didn't remember, didn't know, or something similar. Bill Kennedy 116 Harold Ickes 148 Ricki Seidman 160 Bruce Lindsey 161 Bill Burton 191 Mark Gearan 221 Mack McLarty 233 Neil Egglseston 250 Hillary Clinton 250 John Podesta 264 Jennifer O'Connor 343 Dwight Holton 348 Patsy Thomasson 420 Jeff Eller 697 FROM THE WASHINGTON TIMES: In the portions of President Clinton's Jan. 17 deposition that have been made public in the Paula Jones case, his memory failed him 267 times. This is a list of his answers and how many times he gave each one. I don't remember - 71 I don't know - 62 I'm not sure - 17 I have no idea - 10 I don't believe so - 9 I don't recall - 8 I don't think so - 8 I don't have any specific recollection - 6 I have no recollection - 4 Not to my knowledge - 4 I just don't remember - 4 I don't believe - 4 I have no specific recollection - 3 I might have - 3 I don't have any recollection of that - 2 I don't have a specific memory - 2 I don't have any memory of that - 2 I just can't say - 2 I have no direct knowledge of that - 2 I don't have any idea - 2 Not that I recall - 2 I don't believe I did - 2 I can't remember - 2 I can't say - 2 I do not remember doing so - 2 Not that I remember - 2 I'm not aware - 1 I honestly don't know - 1 I don't believe that I did - 1 I'm fairly sure - 1 I have no other recollection - 1 I'm not positive - 1 I certainly don't think so - 1 I don't really remember - 1 I would have no way of remembering that - 1 That's what I believe happened - 1 To my knowledge, no - 1 To the best of my knowledge - 1 To the best of my memory - 1 I honestly don't recall - 1 I honestly don't remember - 1 That's all I know - 1 I don't have an independent recollection of that - 1 I don't actually have an independent memory of that - 1 As far as I know - 1 I don't believe I ever did that - 1 That's all I know about that - 1 I'm just not sure - 1 Nothing that I remember - 1 I simply don't know - 1 I would have no idea - 1 I don't know anything about that - 1 I don't have any direct knowledge of that - 1 I just don't know - 1 I really don't know - 1 I can't deny that, I just -- I have no memory of that at all - 1 ARKANSAS SUDDEN DEATH SYNDROME - Number of persons in the Clinton machine orbit who are alleged to have committed suicide: 9 - Number known to have been murdered: 12 - Number who died in plane crashes: 6 - Number who died in single car automobile accidents: 3 - Number of one-person sking fatalities: 1 - Number of key witnesses who have died of heart attacks while in federal custody under questionable circumstances: 1 - Number of unexplained deaths: 4 - Total suspicious deaths: 46 - Number of northern Mafia killings during peak years of 1968-78: 30 - Number of Dixie Mafia killings during same period: 156 It is important in considering these fatal incidents to bear in mind the following: The fact that anomalies need to be investigated further carries no presumption of how a death actually occurred, only that there remain serious questions that require answers. The possibility of foul play must be taken seriously in a major criminal conspiracy in which over two score individuals and firms have been convicted and over 100 witnesses have pled the Fifth Amendment or fled the country. If foul play did occur in any of these cases, that fact by itself does not carry the presumption that the the Clinton machine was involved. Given the footprints of organized crime, drug trade, foreign espionage, and intelligence agencies on the trail of the Clinton story, such a assumption would not be warranted. It is also well to keep in mind the classic prohibition era movie in which the corrupt poitician's job was not to engage in illegal acts but to avoid noticing them. ARKANSAS MONEY MANAGEMENT - Amount of an alleged electronic transfer from the Arkansas Development Financial Authority to a bank in the Cayman Islands during 1980s: $50 million - Grand Cayman's population: 18,000 - Number of commercial banks: 570 - Number of bank regulators: 1 - Amount Arkansas state pension fund invested in high-risk repos in the mid-80s in one purchase in April 1985: $52 million through the Worthen Bank. - Number of days thereafter that the state's brokerage firm went belly up: 3 - Amount Arkansas pension fund dropped overnight as a result: 15% - Percent of Worthen bank that Mochtar Riady bought over the next four months to bail out the bank and the then governor, Bill Clinton: 40%. - Percent of purchasers from the Clintons and McDougals of resort lots who lost the land because of the sleazy financing provisions: over 50% THE MEDIA - Number of journalists covering Whitewater who have been fired, transferred off the beat, resigned or otherwise gotten into trouble because of their work on the scandals (Doug Frantz, Jim Wooten, Richard Behar, Christopher Ruddy, Michael Isikoff, David Eisenstadt, Yinh Chan, Jonathan Broder, James R. Norman, Zoh Hieronimus): 10 FRIENDS OF BILL - Number of times John Huang took the 5th Amendment in answer to questions during a Judicial Watch deposition: 1,000 - Visits made to the White House by investigation subjects Johnny Chung, James Riady, John Huang, and Charlie Trie. 160 - Number of campaign contributors who got overnights at the White House in the two years before the 1996 election: 577 - Number of members of Thomas Boggs's law firm who have held top positions in the Clinton administration. 18 - Number of times John Huang was briefed by CIA: 37 - Number of calls Huang made from Commerce Department to Lippo banks: 261 - Number of intelligence reports Huang read while at Commerce Department: 500 UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENA - FBI files misappropriated by the White House: c. 900 - Estimated number of witnesses quoted in FBI files misappropriated by the White House: 18,000 - Number of witnesses who developed medical problems at critical points in Clinton scandals investigation (Tucker, Hale, both McDougals, Lindsey): 5 - Problem areas listed in a memo by Clinton's own lawyer in preparation for the president's defense: 40 - Number of witnesses and critics of Clinton subjected to IRS audit: 45 - Number of names placed in a White House secret database without the knowledge of those named: c. 200,000 - Number of women involved with Clinton who claim to have been physically threatened (Sally Perdue, Gennifer Flowers, Kathleen Willey, Linda Tripp, Elizabeth Ward Gracen, Juantia Broaddrick): 6 - Number of men involved in the Clinton scandals who have been beaten up or claimed to have been intimidated: 10 THE HIDDEN ELECTION USA Today calls it "the hidden election," in which nearly 7,000 state legislative seats are decided with only minimal media and public attention. But there was an important national story here: evidence of the disaster that Bill Clinton was for the Democratic Party. According to the National Conference of State Legislatures, Democrats held a 1,542 seat lead in the state bodies in 1990. As of 1998 that lead had shrunk to 288. That's a loss of over 1,200 state legislative seats, nearly all of them under Clinton. Across the US, the Democrats controled only 65 more state senate seats than the Republicans. Further, in 1992, the Democrats controlled 17 more state legislatures than the Republicans. After 1998, the Republicans controlled one more than the Democrats. Not only was this a loss of 9 legislatures under Clinton, but it was the first time since 1954 that the GOP had controlled more state legislatures than the Democrats (they tied in 1968). Here's what happened to the Democrats under Clinton, based on our latest figures: - GOP seats gained in House since Clinton became president: 48 - GOP seats gained in Senate since Clinton became president: 8 - GOP governorships gained since Clinton became president: 11 - GOP state legislative seats gained since Clinton became president: 1,254 as of 1998 - State legislatures taken over by GOP since Clinton became president: 9 - Democrat officeholders who have become Republicans since Clinton became president: 439 as of 1998 - Republican officeholders who have become Democrats since Clinton became president: 3 THE CLINTON LEGACY: LONELY VOICES Here are some of the all too rare public officials, reporters, and others who spoke truth to the dismally corrupt power of Bill and Hill Clinton's political machine -- some at risk to their careers, others at risk to their lives. A few points to note: - Those corporatist media reporters who attempted to report the story often found themselves muzzled; some even lost their jobs. The only major dailies that consistently handled the story well were the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Times. - Nobody on this list has gotten rich and many you may not have even heard of. Taking on the Clintons typically has not been a happy or rewarding experience. At least ten reporters were fired, transferred off their beats, resigned, or otherwise got into trouble because of their work on the scandals. - Contrary to the popular impression, the politics of those listed ranges from the left to the right, and from the ideological to the independent. PUBLIC OFFICIALS MIGUEL RODRIGUEZ was a prosecutor on the staff of Kenneth Starr. His attempts to uncover the truth in the Vincent Foster death case were repeatedly foiled and he was the subject of planted stories undermining his credibility and implying that he was unstable. Rodriguez eventually resigned. JEAN DUFFEY: Head of a joint federal-county drug task force in Arkansas. Her first instructions from her boss: "Jean, you are not to use the drug task force to investigate any public official." Duffey's work, however, led deep into the heart of the Dixie Mafia, including members of the Clinton machine and the investigation of the so-called "train deaths." Ambrose Evans-Pritchard reports that when she produced a star witness who could testify to Clinton's involvement with cocaine, the local prosecuting attorney, Dan Harmon issued a subpoena for all the task force records, including "the incriminating files on his own activities. If Duffey had complied it would have exposed 30 witnesses and her confidential informants to violent retributions. She refused." Harmon issued a warrant for her arrest and friendly cops told her that there was a $50,000 price on her head. She eventually fled to Texas. The once-untouchable Harmon was later convicted of racketeering, extortion and drug dealing. BILL DUNCAN: An IRS investigator in Arkansas who drafted some 30 federal indictments of Arkansas figures on money laundering and other charges. Clinton biographer Roger Morris quotes a source who reviewed the evidence: "Those indictments were a real slam dunk if there ever was one." The cases were suppressed, many in the name of "national security." Duncan was never called to testify. Other IRS agents and state police disavowed Duncan and turned on him. Said one source, "Somebody outside ordered it shut down and the walls went up." RUSSELL WELCH: An Arkansas state police detective working with Duncan. Welch developed a 35-volume, 3,000 page archive on drug and money laundering operations at Mena. His investigation was so compromised that a high state police official even let one of the targets of the probe look through the file. At one point, Welch was sprayed in the face with poison, later identified by the Center for Disease Control as anthrax. He would write in his diary, "I feel like I live in Russia, waiting for the secret police to pounce down. A government has gotten out of control. Men find themselves in positions of power and suddenly crimes become legal." Welch is no longer with the state police. DAN SMALTZ: Smaltz did an outstanding job investigating and prosecuting charges involving illegal payoffs to Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy, yet was treated with disparaging and highly inaccurate reporting by the likes of the David Broder and the NY Times. Espy was acquitted under a law that made it necessary to not only prove that he accepted gratuities but that he did something specific in return. On the other hand, Tyson Foods copped a plea in the same case, paying $6 million in fines and serving four years' probation. The charge: that Tyson had illegally offered Espy $12,000 in airplane rides, football tickets and other payoffs. In the Espy investigation, Smaltz obtained 15 convictions and collected over $11 million in fines and civil penalties. Offenses for which convictions were obtained included false statements, concealing money from prohibited sources, illegal gratuities, illegal contributions, falsifying records, interstate transportation of stolen property, money laundering, and illegal receipt of USDA subsidies. In addition, Janet Reno blocked Smaltz from pursuing leads aimed at allegations of major drug trafficking in Arkansas and payoffs to the then governor of the state, WJ Clinton. Espy had become Ag secretary only after being flown to Arkansas to get the approval of chicken king Don Tyson. DAVID SCHIPPERS was House impeachment counsel and a Chicago Democrat. He did a highly creditable job but since he didn't fit the right-wing conspiracy theory, the Clintonista media downplayed his work. Thus most Americans don't know that he told Newsmax, "Let me tell you, if we had a chance to put on a case, I would have put live witnesses before the committee. But the House leadership, and I'm not talking about Henry Hyde, they just killed us as far as time was concerned. I begged them to let me take it into this year. Then I screamed for witnesses before the Senate. But there was nothing anybody could do to get those Senators to show any courage. They told us essentially, you're not going to get 67 votes so why are you wasting our time." Schippers also said that while a number of representatives had looked at additional evidence kept under seal in a nearby House building, not a single senator did. JOHN CLARKE: When Patrick Knowlton stopped to relieve himself in Ft. Marcy Park 70 minutes before the discovery of Vince Foster's body, he saw things that got him into deep trouble. His interview statements were falsified and prior to testifying he claims he was overtly harassed by more than a score of men in a classic witness intimidation technique. In some cases there were witnesses. John Clarke was his dogged lawyer in the witness intimidation case that was largely ignored by the media, even when the three-judge panel overseeing the Starr investigation permitted Knowlton to append a 20 page addendum to the Starr Report. OTHER THE ARKANSAS COMMITTEE: What would later be known as the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy actually began on the left - as a group of progressive students at the University of Arkansas had formed the Arkansas Committee to look into Mena, drugs, money laundering, and Arkansas politics. This committee was the source of some of the important early Clinton stories including those published in the Progressive Review. CLINTON ADMINISTRATION SCANDALS E-LIST: Moderated by Ray Heizer, this list was subject to all the idiosyncrasies of Internet bulletin boards, but nonetheless proved invaluable to researchers and journalists. JOURNALISTS JERRY SEPER of the Washington Times was far and away the best beat reporter of the story, handling it week after week in the best tradition of investigative journalism. If other reporters had followed Seper's lead, the history of the Clintons' machine might have been quite different. AMBROSE EVANS-PRITCHARD of the London Telegraph did a remarkable job of digging into some of the seamiest tales from Arkansas and the Clinton past. Other early arrivals on the scene were Alexander Cockburn and Jeff Gerth. CHRISTOPHER RUDDY, among other fine reports on the Clinton scandals, did the best job laying out the facts in the Vince Foster death case. ROGER MORRIS AND SALLY DENTON wrote a major expose of events at Mena, but at the last moment the Washington Post's brass ordered the story killed. It was published by Penthouse and later included in Morris' "Partners in Power," the best biography of the Clintons. OTHERS who helped get parts of the story out included reporters Philip Weiss, Carl Limbacher, Wes Phelan, David Bresnahan, William Sammon, Liza Myers, Mara Leveritt, Matt Drudge, Jim Ridgeway, Nat Hentoff, Michael Isikoff, Christopher Hitchens and Michael Kelly. Also independent investigator Hugh Sprunt and former White House FBI agent Gary Aldrich. SAM SMITH of the Progressive Review wrote the first book (Shadows of Hope, University of Indiana Press, 1994) deconstructing the Clinton myth. The Review provided extensive coverage of the topic. There is a huge amount of negative controversy surrounding Hillary Clinton that the press never mentions. A little research with an open mind will yield the truth. Here's an article with some opinions and a lot of facts: Hillary Clinton: Remarkably unqualified to be president November 15, 2007 By Deroy Murdock Don't make too much of Sen. Hillary Clinton's flip-flopping and inability to decide whether she's for or against issuing illegal aliens driver's licenses. That's the least of her problems. If you want an in depth look at her character read Bay Buchanan's book The Extreme Makeover of Hillary (Rodham) Clinton. For some reason it is probably the least publicized of the recent books on Hillary, but in my view it is the best, the most revealing, the most powerful and the most important. Whether or not you are a supporter of Hillary, I suspect after reading the book you will be convinced of the author's claims: Hillary is a phony, hypocritical, congenital liar who won't accept responsibility; she's so insecure she relies only on gurus, consultants and other advisers instead of thinking for herself, she's unprincipled; she's far-left liberal despite her pose for purposes of the election; and she's likely to be a big spender and big taxer (she admitted to having a million ideas, which we certainly can't afford). Take the liar issue as one prime illustration of her character problem. I consider William Safire, a former presidential adviser and columnist for The New York Times, to be one of the soundest, more careful, most reliable and most brilliant thinkers of our time. Here's what he had to say about Hillary (when Bill Clinton was president): "Americans of all political persuasions are coming to the sad realization that our First Lady - a woman of undoubted talents who was a role model for many in her generation - is a congenital liar." Ms. Buchanan makes the case that Hillary was and is "no respecter of the truth or the law." She writes: "No matter what the questions were about - Whitewater, Madison Guaranty, Jim McDougal, cattle futures, Red Bone, Castle Grande or Rose law firm records - Hillary never gave a straight answer. She bobbed and weaved her way through every inquiry, whether the questions came from the press or from the investigators, whether it was a casual conversation, or whether she was under oath. Her explanation of what occurred changed constantly to keep up with facts that slowly found their way into the public arena." For example, Hillary told investigators that the Rose law firm records of work for Castle Grande had been shredded. Suddenly, they were found to have been in the White House and finally fell into the possession of her secretary. Ms. Buchanan writes, "The miraculously recovered records proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hillary had lied about her involvement with both Madison Guaranty and the corrupt real estate deal, Castle Grande." he yellow-billed oxpecker stands atop the mighty rhinoceros, gobbling ticks and chirping loudly when danger looms. This tiny bird would make a perfect mascot for Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential bid. Akin to that creature, the New York Democrat leaves tiny footprints and has spent more than three decades riding aboard her outsized, accomplished husband, William Jefferson Clinton. And, like the oxpecker, Hillary Clinton is remarkably unprepared for the presidency. Beyond helping to secure post-9/11 recovery funds for Gotham, her legislative achievements are rather slight. Lighter yet is her executive experience, which is measurable in grams. While Clinton has been an outspoken liberal activist since the 1960s, she never has run a business, a city, a state or a Cabinet department. She was a partner at Little Rock's Rose Law Firm, but did not administer it. Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families aside, she headed none of the nonprofits whose boards her Web site says she joined. While she conducted President Clinton's health-reform task force in 1993, the plan it concocted in secret collapsed in public. This 1,368-page prescription for government medicine quietly vanished, sparing a Democratic Congress the embarrassment of euthanizing it. Since her 2000 election, Clinton never has chaired a Senate committee. However, she does lead the Senate Superfund and Environmental Health Subcommittee. As its Web site explains, the panel oversees "recycling, federal facilities and interstate waste." Clinton has presided over something. She commanded the Wellesley College Republicans in 1965, and then became student-government president. Despite repeated requests, Clinton's campaign did not identify the executive experiences that supposedly merit her presidency. Conversely, Clinton's Democratic rivals display relevant resumes. Bill Richardson was elected New Mexico's governor in 2002. He handles a $13.7 billion budget, guides 20,816 state workers and serves 1.9 million constituents. He was a U.S. House member between 1982 and 1996. He also gained valuable global expertise as U.N. ambassador from 1996 to 1998. Under Presidents Clinton and George W. Bush, Richardson has negotiated nuclear issues with North Korean generals and helped free Americans from Cuba, Iraq and Sudan. As energy secretary from 1998 to 2000, Richardson addressed Arab-oil dependency and nuclear nonproliferation, and maintained America's atomic arsenal. First elected in 1972, Delaware's Joseph Biden chairs the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and also directed it between 2001 and 2003. Connecticut's Chris Dodd, elected U.S. representative in 1974 and senator in 1980, chairs the Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs Committee. Even far-left eccentric Rep. Dennis Kucinich was Cleveland's one-term mayor, years before his 1996 House win. Elected in 2004, former Harvard Law Review President Barack Obama's credentials are limited. Nonetheless, the Illinois senator is 2008's "fresh face" — a phrase rarely in the same sentence with Hillary Clinton. Clinton's Republican competitors offer considerable executive dexterity: Rudolph Giuliani was mayor of New York, America's largest city, with 8 million people. Between 1994 and 2002, he managed budgets as high as $40 billion and as many as 222,836 employees, a payroll surpassed only by Uncle Sam's and California's. As U.S. attorney, Giuliani supervised 130 prosecutors and some 200 support staffers between 1983 and 1989. In 2002, he launched Giuliani Partners, a security consultancy that reportedly earned tens of millions in revenues. Mitt Romney founded Bain Capital, a prosperous enterprise, before becoming Massachusetts' one-term governor in 2002. His final, $36 billion budget funded 43,979 personnel who aided 6.4 million citizens. Mike Huckabee was Arkansas governor between 1996 and 2006. His final, $15.6 billion budget financed 29,151 staffers who covered 2.8 million Arkansans. Arizona Sen. John McCain was a decorated Navy pilot and Vietnam-era POW before his 1982 U.S. House victory. He was elected senator in 1986 and has chaired the committees on commerce and Indian affairs. To Clinton's credit, she represented America as first lady in 82 countries, perhaps her most pertinent duty. This may qualify her for secretary of state, a position she could execute with energy and discipline. However, facing a $2.9 trillion federal budget and 5,120,688 civilian and military employees, Clinton is ill-equipped to become president of the United States, commander in chief of the armed forces and leader of the free world. Her executive experience is lighter than a fistful of feathers. 2008: The term "plausible deniability" has been heard when Hillary was asked about this tactic. Do you think its just business as usual for her and her staff or that she is truly trying to run a clean campaign? "In recent weeks, two Clinton volunteers in Iowa resigned after forwarding false e-mails falsely saying he was a Muslim and a threat to national security. Matt Drudge, said his Web site, The Drudge Report, that he was e-mailed a picture of Obama in a turban and robe by the Clinton campaign. The photo was taken when Barack Obama was presented with the outfit while on a visit to his late father's native Kenya. Clinton campaign officials have said they did not condone any such dirty tricks." Hillary Clinton has been telling America that she is the most qualified candidate for president based on her 'record,' which she says includes her eight years in the White House as First Lady - or 'co-president' - and her seven years in the Senate. Here is a reminder of what that record includes: --- As First Lady, Hillary assumed authority over Health Care Reform, a process that cost the taxpayers over $13 million. She told both Bill Bradley and Patrick Moynihan, key votes needed to pass her legislation, that she would 'demonize' anyone who opposed it. But it was opposed; she couldn't even get it to a vote in a Congress controlled by her own party. (And in the next election, her party lost control of both the House and Senate.) --- Hillary assumed authority over selecting a female Attorney General. Her first two recommendations, Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood, were forced to withdraw their names from consideration. She then chose Janet Reno. Janet Reno has since been described by Bill himself as 'my worst mistake.' --- Hillary recommended Lani Guanier for head of the Civil Rights Commission. When Guanier 's radical views became known, her name had to be withdrawn. --- Hillary recommended her former law partners, Web Hubbell, Vince Foster, and William Kennedy for positions in the Justice Department, White House staff, and the Treasury, respectively. Hubbell was later imprisoned, Foster committed suicide, and Kennedy was forced to resign. --- Hillary also recommended a close friend of the Clintons, Craig Livingstone, for the position of director of White House security. When Livingstone was investigated for the improper access of up to 900 FBI files of Clinton enemies (“Filegate”) and the widespread use of drugs by White House staff, both Hillary and her husband denied knowing him. FBI agent Dennis Sculimbrene confirmed in a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in 1996, both the drug use and Hillary's involvement in hiring Livingstone. After that, the FBI close d its White House Liaison Office, after serving seven presidents for over thirty years. --- In order to open “slots” in the White House for her friends the Thomasons (to whom millions of dollars in travel contracts could be awarded), Hillary had the entire staff of the White House Travel Office fired; they were reported to the FBI for 'gross mismanagement' and their reputations ruined. After a thirty-month investigation, only one, Billy Dale, was charged with a crime - mixing personal money with White House funds when he cashed checks. The jury acquitted him in less than two hours. --- Another of Hillary's assumed duties was directing the 'bimbo eruption squad' and scandal defense: ---- She urged her husband not to settle the Paula Jones lawsuit. ---- She refused to release the Whitewater documents, which led to the appointment of Ken Starr as Special Prosecutor. After $80 million dollars of taxpayer money was spent, Starr's investigation led to Monica Lewinsky, which led to Bill lying about and later admitting his affairs. ---- Then they had to settle with Paula Jones after all. ---- And Bill lost his law license for lying to the grand jury ---- And Bill was impeached by the House. ---- And Hillary almost got herself indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice (she avoided it mostly because she repeated, 'I do not recall,' 'I have no recollection,' and 'I don't know' 56 times under oath)....56 TIMES!!!! --- Hillary wrote 'It Takes a Village,' demonstrating her Socialist viewpoint. --- Hillary decided to seek election to the Senate in a state she had never lived in. Her husband pardoned FALN terrorists in order to get Latino support and the New Squar e Hassidim to get Jewish support. Hillary also had Bill pardon her brother's clients, for a small fee, to get financial support. --- Then Hillary left the White House, but later had to return $200,000 in White House furniture, china, and artwork she had stolen. --- In the campaign for the Senate, Hillary played the 'woman card' by portraying her opponent (Lazio) as a bully picking on her. --- Hillary's husband further protected her by asking the National Archives to withhold from the public until 2012 many records of their time in the White House, including much of Hillary's correspondence and her calendars. (There are ongoing lawsuits to force the release of those records.) --- As the junior Senator from New York, Hillary has passed no major legislation. She has deferred to the senior Senator (Schumer) to tend to the needs of New Yorkers, even on the hot issue of medical problems of workers inv olved in the cleanup of Ground Zero after 9/11. --- Hillary's one notable vote; supporting the plan to invade Iraq, she has since disavowed. CHUCK NORRIS FACTS: The fastest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he takes blood baths. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill. When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research. Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse. When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Divisi on”. Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic. On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy! For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls. Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it. Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement". Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off. Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face. Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him. The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris. 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick. Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist. Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie". There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris. The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile. Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 30 states. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody. When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help. There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them. There is no such thing as a lesbian, only women who have never met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist. Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does. The pen is indeed mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice. Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead. Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris." Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class. Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie. Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk. Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants. Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples. People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete. Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down. Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. And Now, for SARAH PALIN!!! Did you know that....................... Sarah Palin does not have 5 kids, she actually has 7. Their names are Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer. The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin's eyes. The Russians sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not submit to autocracy. The Arctic Circle runs through Alaska so the Sun can have some relief from Sarah Palin's bright glare. Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills. Sarah Palin is so pro-life that she personally hog-tied two reps from Planned Parenthood who came knocking at her door. It's not raining in DC. Those are God's tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin's hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps. Sarah Palin is the "other" whom Yoda spoke about. Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return. Sarah Palin fired Jack Bauer because he was too soft in dealing with terrorists. Sarah Palin's pageant career ended early so other women could have a chance. Sarah Palin's son Track is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair. Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone. (X-Men reference) Sarah Palin actually has Big Foot in her freezer. Sarah Palin gave a speech in Texas after her water broke before flying home to Alaska to give birth. (Actually true) Sarah Palin doesn't need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk. Sarah Palin once spilled coffee on Joe Biden & one of his $400 ties from Pink. Sarah Palin keeps her hair in a beehive to hide her ninja weaponry. Sarah Palin will personally open a homemade can of whoopa** on Ahmadinejad, Putin, and Chavez as soon as she's done making mooseburgers for her kids. A grizzly bear once tried to stare down Sarah Palin. Once. Sarah Palin will send Joe Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip. Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy. Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity's war against the machines. (Terminator reference) Three of Sarah Palin's 5 kids came out sideways and she never flinched. Global Warming doesn't kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. Generally with her bare hands. Sarah Palin was the original "Deadliest Catch. " Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for Kodiak pelts with a slingshot. Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even in 1959 that Sarah Palin never finishes last. Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man's body. Sarah Palin got Tom Brady pregnant, and then left him. Sarah Palin killed and ate the Grizzly Man. Sarah Palin killed and ate Frank Murkowski. Sarah Palin once won the Iditarod without any dogs. She simply willed the sled to victory. Sarah Palin wears half the makeup that John Edwards wears and still looks like twice the woman he does. Sarah Palin once guided Santa's sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile. Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it's in their interest to jump into the boat. |
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