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Married Life / 3 days ago Back To Top

Anybody else ever been with a man that had 2 answers for everything :

"Yes, Dear" and "I will do it in a minute"?

IJA...

- POP'd by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Guadalajara, Self-Employed

A question about communication....

I have calmly, clearly, and kindly communicated a number of things to my exes over the years. Needs, opinions, perspectives, things that bother me - take your pick.

It is the most bizarre thing to have a clear, respectful, and simple talk with someone and then two weeks later it is like it never happened. Or worse, it leads to a major meltdown - and over something pretty simple, like "stop being late all the time" Defensive responses are usually a pretty bad sign.

This is very deeply damaging to a relationship from a man's perspective because it becomes a syndrome/pathology.

It is an ugly dilemma: If we communicate in the best way we can, and it comes to nothing - repeatedly, or it leads to an emotional breakdown. That leaves us with few options:

1. Keep repeating this bizarre pattern and deal with the negative repercussions.
2. Yell or scream in response.
3. Shut down the communication.

This is a rampant epidemic sort of thing these days it seems. I have experienced this in a very stark way before and it is pretty disconcerting. Like the person is on drugs or has a mental illness.

So, men of AO have you ever had a communication challenge like this?

- Asked by strongnrelaxed, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, New York, Consulting
Married Life / 3 days ago Back To Top

Apology but No Apology?

My husband called me inconsiderate because I wasn't ready to leave the house on time. Grant it, he was only ready an hour and a half after our target departure time. I was just a bit later. He then threw attitude to me in the car when I asked questions. I asked him why he was being so irritable, he then decided to let me have it saying how late I am always and inconsiderate. I told him I was sorry, but he kept going in saying I was only apologizing because he said something and that I don't think he deserves an apology..kept going in..I'm in tears by now. He then tells me I f$cked up his day. He had a right to be upset but I take issue with his approach so much that I needed to leave the car. I asked him to pull over and walked home in the dark. I know that was dangerous, but I can't deal with that outburst of anger. He left before I started walking. When does someone have a right to say you don't mean it when you apologize?

Update: December 14, 2014.
I just attempted to apologize again and he slammed door in my face. Oh well.

Update: December 14, 2014.
I am not always late, but have been late occasionally. My issue is really not his being angry or mad. My issue is his approach. If you truly have an issue with your wife bring tardy, why not sit her down and express your concerns with a level head so she can digest it, acknowledge the disrespect and make efforts to correct the thoughtless behavior. He began to throw in past arguments and issues all at me at once. This was not just about me being late...again he was and hour and a half late in getting ready too..commitment was at 1..he was in the shower at 2.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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