| | | OK, guys... Here's your chance to really explain...(sorry for the length - it realy was necessary) This week, I have talked to three different women about men going to strip clubs. I've explained it from a Martian's perspective, but I think that they are still having trouble with it.
So... I'm going to write my explanation here. Then you guys can add, subtract, or change it however you wish to give them the full and correct story on it.
Here goes...
It is no secret that men are visual creatures and that women are mental ones (Pun intended - sorry, I couldn't resist). Men prefer to see things, and women prefer to imagine things. The two classic examples are men going to strip clubs and women reading those stimulating romance novels.
Now...if we accept that men are how they are and that women are who they are, it's not hard to see both of these activities as escapes that each use. They are not signs of cheating, they are not ways to judge and compare their existing relationships or anything like that. And if you think that a man looking at a beautiful girl naked is cheating, then I'd expect that you'd also have to agree that reading a racy romance novel is just as unfaithful. After all, each of them are escape activities specifically tailored to a particular perspective - men being visual, and women being thoughtful.
If you think that men are going to a strip club to pick up women or to compare you to the women there, you're wrong. You're just as wrong as it would be for us men to start thinking that you read romance novels to find your ideal man and then will compare us to the lead character in those books.
There are few activities where men can get together and not have to worry about doing what men like to do. We love to look at and admire beautiful women. That's just how the programming in our head works. Yet in a polite society, it's not acceptable to look at beauty too long - lest you be accused of being some freak. A strip club allows this - is specifically designed for this. It's a place where men do not need to answer to anyone for being visual creatures.
There is no touching. There is no picking up girls. It's a pure, visual fantasy.
Now...onto my main point.
You can deny the reality of who men are or you can accept it. That's your choice. But each have consequences and benefits.
If you deny that men are this way and would deny men the opportunity of their visual escapes, sure...you'll have your nice, respectable man who you can look up to and brag that he doesn't look at women that way. But you'll also end up with a man that still holds these desires inside of him - just restrains them. They don't go away; they are just repressed.
If you accpet that men are who they are (reality), then you'll see that these activities have nothing to do with your relationship. They are jusst realities of how men were put together - for bad or for good, it is who we are. Then you are more likely to have less problems in your relationship because of the trust and honesty involved.
So how does this help you?
There are a few ways:
First, men know that they don't have to hide. They are who they are, and they can openly express their feelings, wants and desires without fear of looking like a jerk. Don't most women want men to open up and express themselves more?
Second, sure the strip clubs turn men on. They appeal to our raw side and they do make us want to have sex. It doesn't mean we're going to grab the first girl we see and rip her clothes off. Instead, it means it's more likely that he's going to come home and rip your clothes off to release these desires. Don't women want a more racy love life instead of the same old thing?
Lastly (and most importantly), if you can accept what I've said, then you will end up with a stronger, better relationship due to the honesty and trust. You can even make sure that he frequents these places rarely by understanding what they mean to men.
Men love women. We do love romance, but we also love raw sexiness too. You can use that to your advantage. You can keep things spicy. You can make him want to come home every night because he never knows if you'll just watch movies with him or if it's going to be a wild nite of raw passion. That's exciting for a man.
You can use the information, or you can ignore it. But here's the hard fact: If you question him endlessly about it, then you lose. If you want to feel insecure and ask about how you compare to these women, what he wants, and what type of women he looks at, it's a turn off. He's not comparing them to you in any way. make him thing that, and you make him hide his inner thoughts and desires from you. In other words, YOU LOSE!
This is no different than if a man were to question you every day about the lead characters in your romance novels wanting to know what kind of men they were, if they turned you on, and for you to explain how he compares to them. That would be a turn off to you too. But honestly, would it change how you viewed those books? No, it's only going to mean that you suppress your reading and your escape.
Now, if you're still reading this, you might be hoping for some way to use this information in a way to enhance your relatiohsip. Here it is...
A smart woman I know used this information in a creative and fun way. When her husband's birthday came around, this straigh-laced, very conservative woman dressed up like a hooker and showed up at their home in a taxi. She had a blonde wig on, lots of makeup and very provocative clothing.
She knocked on the door, and when her husband answered the door, she explained that his wife had hired her as his birthday gift. She was sent to take care of his every need.
They went inside and she did everything that a callgirl would do - pure, unadulterated sex. they had a good few hours of passion together.
When they were done, she looked at her watch, said "time's up," got dressed and called a taxi to pick her up. Before leaving, she opened his wallet and took what cash he had and left in the taxi.
About an hour later, his wife came home as usual - dressed in her conservative business suit. She never mentioned the gift at all. She just pretended that it never happened. She even showed up with another small gift for him and explained that's all she had gotten him.
Of course he just smiled.
I'm not saying that all women shoudl dress up like hookers and surprise their men. (Though it's not a bad idea). I'm simply saying to accept men for who they are. Get rid of the pretenses. If you do, your relationship will thrive for it.
So anyway... That's a Martian's perspective. You can take it or leave it. But the choice is yours to make.
MM - Asked by marvinmartian, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Hospitality |
