Okay...this is my last one for the night

A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her
occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled
out a very old wooden box, carved with strange
symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there
lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman
laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what
it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the
door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to
the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form
down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!"

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box
and lay there quiet once more.

"I'll take it!" said the ! businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special dildo and that to use it, all she had to
do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo
Penis.................. She undressed, opened the box and
said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo
Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd
ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering
orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided
she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it
was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried
to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had
forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started
to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked
for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his
head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo
Penis, my ass."

The rest is history.