GIVE ADVICE ON RACE, RELIGION & POLITICS

Can you tell me, without the use of expletives, what a feminist is? Why do you see it this way?

I was having a discussion with my husband, who takes great delight in annoying people. He's basically an impish person who likes to think he can be offensive and too many people take him too seriously. But I was struck by one bit of his nonsense of late.

We were watching t.v. and my husband said, quite casually, "You're a feminist, so you hate men, right?" I realize he was just trying to bug me, and I laughed it off because that's what I do, but I thought of all the people for whom this is not a joke and who would not make this statement jokingly.

So, I ask you this--why do some people believe that being a feminist entails hating men? Do they think that women who claim their equal rights somehow reduce men to the level at which women are traditionally placed, because if women do not occupy the lower spot on the totem pole, it has to be occupied by men instead--so therefore women who won't act like dishmops are somehow putting men in a position where they have to act like dishmops in their turn? And if this is the reason for this mentality, isn't it the fault of the people who define society as a totem pole where someone has to occupy the mudsill place, and not the women who escape from the mudsill place?



Update: May 17, 2012.
While aging women tend to have different educational demands, women and men generally don't learn differently; they tend to contribute differently: women speak to groups and benefits to the group as opposed to focusing on individual contributions. There's a distinction here that people who have only studied the issue superficially tend to overlook.

Reasons why a guy would be mean to a woman.

Could Christianity not be the right religion for me?

I try to go to church and be a good Christian bur It never seems right. I do not know how to be a good christian. It is hard for me to believe in someone I can not see. It is hard for me to have faith in someone I can not see. I would like to be a christian but I feel "dirty" but can not change my ways or do not have a reason to change my ways.

I'm not sure SHE should be taking a bath all by herself.....

What the hell is going on around here today?

Or have I finally just lost my patience????????

Should a give year old take himself a bath or should be patent still be doing it?

Update: May 16, 2012.
I Meant to say FIVE year old!!!! He will be 6 in October!

Waaaaaaaaanswerology... ..................

I just touched myself!

I think it's sad that people get so harsh with some members who post on here.

They insult, ridicule, judge, and make assumptions about someone based on a short blog. It's a q&a site where people are supposed to feel comfortable asking for advice and it seems like some people just come here to bash on others. If you think someone's question is ridiculous, then don't answer it. Simple as that. People are asking for advice, not your opinion on what you think of them.

Shame on all of you who constantly do that!
End of rant.

Update: May 16, 2012.
Thanks for your responses! I'm actually a long-time member. Signed up in 2007. I didn't post this about one specific post or member. I posted this because I've been seeing a lot of people who are very hurt and confused who are looking for help and they come here hoping to find that. We have a responsibility as members of this site to respect it's goal: to put an end to miscommunication between the sexes. Calling someone stupid, labeling someone by any name instead of telling them exactly what they're doing that you do not agree with, or blaming someone for something when you only have 1/2 the detail doesn't do anything but help the respondent vent out his or her frustration because someone in this world isn't handling a situation exactly the way he or she would handle it. Mindful advice could mean the difference between someone's decision to have hope and carry on or give up and commit suicide. I hardly expect bullies to stop being bullies. But we can have a significant affect on an anonymous stranger's life. What kind of affect do you want it to be?

Has anyone on AO ever started a petition,in order to seek a change, and co-operation , or justice ?

Update: May 17, 2012.
I meant anyone on here using like change.com or any other way to petition, or push a change, for something they strongly believe in.... I meant members from here on AO... not about AO. Sorry about the mix up.

Update: May 17, 2012.
This was a general QUESTION .... meaning a petition for ANY kind of change, cause, justice, to push an agenda, not about AO.

Update: May 16, 2012.
I sae no problem with Recipe Wednesdays. I thought it was cool and interesting, and Barbb had some great ones !

DO you go out of your way to bring attention to yourself over & over???

I once knew a teacher that LOVED to hear himself speak. He would drone on and on, and eventually people (including other teachers & administrators) just stopped listening to him AND taking him seriously.

In other words, is everyone here aware of the "CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION PRIVATELY" feature when reading a reply on this site??? I am told that it is still working, even if you have been on this site since 2009 (OP)........but ya gotta press the button to make it work.


....................... just wondering.

After about the 3rd update, I just start deleting when they pop up.

~HA!!

My BF didn't wish me a Happy Mother's Day - is that a bad sign?

Update: May 15, 2012.
lovemyhusband99, I LOVE what you said.

Update: May 15, 2012.
Bitterness and anger mask extreme insecurity and loneliness. How sad. I think I've said enough about that.

Update: May 14, 2012.
Thanks so much EBM3 - you're the voice of reason AND kindness. And thanks to everyone else - even people who are negative - different strokes for different folks. But here's what I learned from all of you - it's always good for me to think of what it's like to be in the other person's shoes, and remember who that person is, as much as I remember who I am. Thank you for that.

Update: May 14, 2012.
To Richsifu - Once and for all, women KNOW men are different from them. It's not about THAT. It's about men like you who EXPECT women to adapt to men, but would have men just stay as they are. Can't we all just meet each other halfway.

Update: May 14, 2012.
Oh, MISS KITTY, THAT's exactly it! I get that a lot of people don't acknowledge it - but what is SO wrong about actually acknowledging it? Such a little thing, but could melt a woman's heart if you do acknowledge her. Obviously, the guy I'm with feels that he doesn't NEED to warm my heart anymore because he feels that I'm already HOT for him. Sad but true. It's not that he's a bad guy at all. He just feels like he "has" me. He still texts me "Hey, what's going on" or "G'nite honey" and we get together, but basically if I mention something. My past bf's had continually taken the initiative to do things with me months and months after we settled in - they always remembered holidays and birthdays AND I was attracted to them because they were nice, not because they were "bad boys." I'm wondering if this guy is a bad boy disguised as a nice guy, you know? Just saying.

Update: May 14, 2012.
See, MissKitty, THIS is what I'm talking about! I'm not looking for gifts or cards - but my god, if a customer passing by as I'm picking out cards for my mom at Target wishes me a Happy Mother's Day, why on earth couldn't my bf? THAT's what I'm saying! Oh, no, I feel the holiday police coming around the corner... lol

Update: May 14, 2012.
Englishrose, Sorry I didn't paint the whole picture before - and I'm so sorry that your man says those things to you - I will never understand why someone's partner in life (more than boyfriend) - the very person who is supposed to be there to support and uplift - treats their s/o like that. My trouble is that I haven't been smart enough (or willing enough) to see when someone is being negative subtly or in a manipulative way because they can or because they want control. I don't fully yet understand if my hurting heart is because of my own insecurities, his ways, or both. Mother's Day isn't really the issue, as you can see. I could be wrong - I've been wrong plenty of times before, but it FEELS to me like he's doing just enough to keep me around (he knows I love him AND I'm hot for him), but not enough to make me feel like he's fully committed to me, as much as he can be after 6 months in a relationship. (Ok, please don't comment that I can't depend on somebody else for my happiness, etc., I know that, truly). Now, maybe that was my fault, my neediness (he wasn't like he is now), or maybe it's his way. Oh, this is so exhausting! Thanks for giving your insights, really appreciate it. And I hope that your man sees what a wonderful woman you are, Englishrose. C

Update: May 14, 2012.
Actually, richsifu... I LIKE hugs - and NOT because my gf's like them. I LIKE to celebrate holidays - and NOT because my gf's like to celebrate them. I LIKE romance - and NOT because my gf's like romance. I LIKE it because it makes ME feel good, loved. Ok, so what, men are different from women. You're basically saying that we should completely adapt to men, right? Whatever they feel, think, is completely ok and forget about what we feel, think? Why are you so angry? Why is it so hard for a guy to do something for his woman because it would make her happy, just because it's something that wouldn't make him happy if she did it for him? People are different. Yes, men are different from women, but guess what? One man may be different from another man in terms of what he likes - whether it's a hobby, a career, a sport, whatever the case may be. If you had a friend that had different interests, a different career, or maybe drank more than you did at parties, would you throw him under the bus? If he's a good guy, is good to you, would you still be friends with him? Maybe not hang out every day, but you get the idea. The point I'm trying to make is, your argument has nothing to do with how men and women are different - it has to do with how you show the people in your life that are different from you that you still respect them in some way by thinking of someone else besides yourself - even if it is for a minute. You are right, a lot of women are into drama - but a lot of women are NOT into drama. Some of us don't expect roses and candlelight dinners. And I will tell you this - I have given a lot to this man - PLENTY of space, only occasional phone calls so as not to crowd him, nice home-cooked meals when he had a hard day at work after I HAD a hard day at work, good sex (I won't say I'm great, but I do more than fine, according to him), not because I expect something in return, but because I like to make him happy. To see the smile on his face after anything that I do for him makes me feel so good. I was just hoping that he felt the same way. He USED to, and now it SEEMS like he doesn't. He doesn't call as much as he used to, he doesn't ask me out like he used to (it's up to me to make plans). Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but why does my heart feel hurt, then, time and again? It's not because my gf's are telling me anything's wrong or right - I don't ask them for advice because I think they'd be too subjective, you know? I just want the guy in my life to act like more than a friend, who occasionally calls. I don't want to be just some girl he sleeps with and then texts me a day later, "Hey, what's going on." I want an adult relationship - and that means sometimes putting your partner's needs above your own because you WANT to once in awhile. But if he doesn't act that way, then I guess I know my answer.

Update: May 14, 2012.
I'm blown away by the amount of responses - this is certainly a topic polarizing people, and I had no idea, but I'm thankful for your insights, whichever side you are on (even the guy richsifu!). By the way, I'm a single mom of one daughter, my mom lives with me full-time, as well, so Mother's Day does mean something, though it isn't a really big deal either - really, all we did was get take out, cards last minute, some store bought flowers and ate dinner in my mom's bedroom while watching TV because she wasn't feeling well. I took my daughter shopping for a little while because she needed shoes for school, too. So, it really wasn't about me, and that was ok. The reason why I asked all of you how you'd feel about my bf not acknowledging Mother's Day was because I was SO used to my ex-bf (not the father of my kids) and ex-husband doing really nice things for Mother's Day - that's why I thought my current bf's NON-reaction was cause to perhaps think about where he sees me in his life. I really don't get hung up on holidays, though I do enjoy them. It's really not about the holiday itself, it's what celebrating it, showing you care about the person for that one day. OK, YES, I get that saying that we should show our significant others we care every day, blah, blah, blah, so why make a big deal out of a holiday, blah, blah, blah. But here's the bottom line: why NOT show your significant other respect and courtesy on a holiday - no matter what it is - if only for an hour, with a card, a hug, a phone call, ANYTHING, just to show him/her that, while MILLIONS of other people are celebrating, you don't want him/her to feel left out. We could go back and forth on this, and YES, I get that I'm not his mom - I didn't need him to send me anything, or take me out at all. And I'm not going to get mad at him for anything. If anything, I'm mad at myself for sleeping with this guy too soon, and believing his words that he wanted a relationship, something seriously, kidding myself into thinking he cared more about me than he really does. This Mother's Day thing was just my silly hope (if you want to call me pathetic, fine, I'm learning more every day to be stronger and wiser), that just maybe he still saw me in his future. You can laugh at me, scold me, say whatever you want, it's just what I felt in my heart at the moment. And YES, I know I should show more self-esteem, etc., I am working on it every day. But this morning I have wised up and decided to pull back my heart a little. I was in love with this man - but I'm not so sure, and it really didn't have to do with Mother's Day. But I think you already knew that. Thanks again for listening and advising.

Update: May 13, 2012.
Hi All - Wow, thanks again - more and more of you have kindly taken the time to respond - and I truly appreciate it.

Update: May 13, 2012.
Englishrose, You're right. I was just wondering if I SHOULD be upset - I was feeling hurt initially, but I have been known to blow things out of proportion, and be overly sensitive because I was SO used to basically royal treatment from my ex-bf (we broke up because of reasons that were beyond us, unfortunately) so I thought I'd ask some objective people out there. Thanks for bringing me back to reality!

Update: May 13, 2012.
Thanks to all of you who responded. I decided not to make a big deal out of it. It's just that last year, my ex-bf got me flowers, my mom flowers, and a male friend of mine had sent my mom a singing telegram in italian opera! (He's moved out of the country since then). So, I guess I was accustomed to that nice treatment. Also, this guy isn't as devoted as I'd like in general, so I guess I'm also looking for other ways that he cares, which I see now is foolish - it's not about the holidays it IS about how he treats me EVERY day. The jury is still out on that one.

Update: May 13, 2012.
Thanks for your advice. Here's the thing I didn't mention - when we first got together, he had made me dinner the weekend before Valentine's Day (this year) and I said I had a little something for him actually on Valentine's Day. He said that weekend dinner before Valentine's Day WAS my present, as if we weren't going to see each other on the actual day. t said, "Oh, ok, the dinner was great." I was hurt, we'd been dating for 2 months and I just nicely said in a sort of joking manner, "The dinner was amazing, you're great, I'm just wondering if maybe we're just a little too different - I like holidays, Christmas, Easter, etc. I don't go crazy all out, but I do celebrate them. So, if you're not into that, I completely understand, but I like to share those days in some way with the people I care about, you know?" Well, on V-Day he gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and two cards and I was stunned! SO, he KNOWS that I celebrate holidays. But here's the thing - he didn't do anything for his mom either - he called her, though. Not sure what to make of this. Maybe it's nothing. He went away for the weekend with his buddies, just got back, and texted me, "Hey sweetheart, I'm home!" He asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Celebrating a special day." To which he said, "Oh yes, Happy Mother's Day!" I just said, "Thanks" and left it at that. Was that the right reaction?

why have utility stocks been going up lately?

Doesn't the recession make it worse?

Do they really make Peter bread outta real Peters?

Damn Greeks.......

A round of applause, ladies and gentlemen! Let's give this woman a hand!

Self hating lesbian voting against her own best interests? CHECK.

Ridiculous conspiracy theories worthy of a tin foil hat award? CHECK.

Extremely blatant racist who keeps calling the President of the United States of America a MONKEY? CHECK.


Let's thank her for her tireless efforts to combat the stereotype that lesbians are open minded, kind, rational people!

ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

Why I a openly verbal Lesbian person cannot support President Obama on Gay Marriage

When I saw the president make it public on his view on gay marriage, I was greatly upset.

It's election year so yeah it's obvious. It is also a very courageous move on his behalf. But back in 2008 when he took the office, he with a democrat controlled house and senate could have made a strong impact back then making such a move. He didn't and now he makes this move in an election year.

Sorry, but I just don't buy into this as a wise choice by him

Update: May 15, 2012.
First I will answer back on this thread if I want to. It is my right as an American who has served. Now allow me to give you a warning. Sue Ekahn the former Editor of Vogue magazine and a consultant to Hurst Publications regarding Cosmopolitan is reading this very thread. Yes she and I are on a one on one basis for a few years now. I have told her and showed her your previous messages to me. She doesn't like your tone passingthrough. Now back to the issue at hand. Go look up the Civil Rights movement. 4 times the original bill that Dr Martin Luther King Jr marched on went before house and senate and was voted out by the Democrats. 4 times! It took the Civil Rights movement itself to push it through. Know your history. Now that you know your role.

Update: May 15, 2012.
To anonymous: you forgot I am PUERTORICAN and Asian. My PR roots are both Hispanic and African. In other words I got a free pass to call him something worse but I won't. You attempt to play the race card on me won't work. Try again!

Update: May 15, 2012.
Oh I will admit it. One of you asked me to come out and say I dislike President Obama. I will tell you now I HATE HIM. He's a piss poor leader and that's a fact. He's devalued the American Dollar. He's a socialist and the worst part is that he is a Democrat. How can you the first Ethnic President be a Democrat? Need I remind you that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was a Republican. And if you read the teachings of Dr Martin Luther King and also research the History of the Democrat Party you will learn that the Democrats were against Civil Rights. They were against Women's Rights. They created Operation Wet Back. And the worst part is that during two previous Democrat Presidents they showed the movie BIRTH OF A NATION in the White House. The movie that created the Klu Klux Klan and lead to the lynching of many innocent people. Need I remind you that the Democrats kept the military segregated ethnically. Even with great accomplishments like the Tuskeegee Airmen. They never lost a plane they escorted into battle. Yes I called him a curious george looking ass. I won't back down from that. Just give Joe Biden a yellow trench coat! But the worst of this is that this is going to cause HATE amongst people. People for and against gay marriage. And guess who is going to bare the brunt of it? That's right. Me. Because of that damn fool there are people not ready yet to evolve but they are learning. Don't shove my lifestyle down their throats so you can get some votes. They will revert back to their old ways. Just stay out of my lifestyle and run your campaign on REAL ISSUES. Like the ones your promised on your first campaign.

Update: May 15, 2012.
Ok some of you just don't get it. Let me put you in MY SHOES. You been GAY all your life. This is the lifestyle you only know. Many people honestly to care one way or another who you are screwing in the bedroom. I am sure we can agree on this. Ok along comes a guy and he becomes President. Now from the moment he takes office he has a clean slate. He also has a Congress whom are the majority. He also has a Senate whom are also the majority. He can create a bill and pass it into law despite opposition from a rival party. And for the first two years with that much power he didn't accomplish anything. In the first three years in office, he spent more money than the first 43 presidents combined. The dollar is devalued. He promised the Hispanic community immigration reform. He even promised to speak at their National Convetion. He has never delivered. He has created some jobs but not enough to really help the American people. I am a broker in the commercial and residential real estate market. Did you know that the President instead of spending those trillions of dollars supposedly creating jobs, he could have spent only 1.2 Trillion on the housing market and paid off every American mortgage? That includes delinquent and in foreclosure. 1.2 Trillion. We had that without borrowing from China. Ok now on to GAY MARRIAGE. In 2009 and 2010 the President could have put together a bill in regards to same sex unions/marriage. It would have passed with both a democrat controlled house and senate. No republican could have stoped it. See in 1997 The Clinton Administration wrote and passed the Defense of marriage Act. Hillary was a coauthor. Bill signed it into law. It defined Marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Strange how the Democrats make that law then 15 years later cry discrimination on behalf of gay couples. And see that is what irks me the most. And mark my words this is what is going to happen. A NEW BILL will be created that will allow same sex marriage. It will go up for debate now that this is a hot topic and when it goes for a vote you will hear President Obama say he will sign it into law if it makes it through the house and the senate. Reality is that it WON'T. Then the President will use that as a shield for his campaign on a platform of equality. And quite frankly I DO NOT WANT THAT MAN USING MY LIFSTYLE TO KEEP HIS CURIOUS GEORGE LOOKING ASS IN OFFICE! If he really believed in equality he would have done a bill when he first took office. Along with immigration reform and other issues that needed repair. Yes he passed universal healthcare but how many of you in here have noticed that your meds costs have gone up? Yeah a 4 dollar Preventil is now 40 dollars. You know that is why I like the Republican party. Yeah they think I am an abomination because I am a Lesbian. But they held onto that view of me ever since before my grandparents was born. That alone allows me to believe them because I don't have to worry about them changing their personal view of how I live. There hatred of my lifestyle is not something they hide and in the political sense it's still the most honest view. I'd rather have them hate me for Who I am and not try to change me or themselves than to be two faced for my so called benefit. As you can see I have zero tolerance for BULLSHIT!

Update: May 14, 2012.
Let me respond to this now to illustrate my point before I set my star level on responses. When the president won the election he had both the house and senate in democrat control. That means it was Fillibuster proof. No republican even combined had to power to stop him, the house and the senate. You cannot get more control than that. He could have lifted the ban in 2008 or 2009 and pushed for a gay marriage bill then. But he didn't. Now it's 2012 and it's an election year. See my point? If the gay community was that important to you then why didn't you act when you took office when you could have passed any bill and laughed at the Republican party? Look at the Mexicans and the proposed immigration reform they were also promised? See my point?