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My boyfriend stands me up alot. he will ...
6:12 PM - Wednesday July 23, 2003

my boyfriend stands me up alot. he will ...

my boyfriend stands me up alot. he will tell me that he is coming over and never show up. he has done this to me alot lately, most of the time its only for one day, but there has been a time or two were he doesnt call me or anything for a week or so. i know he isnt cheating on me. he just hanging out with his friends. but i just dont understand why he cant just tell me he is hanging out with the guys, i dont care if he hangs out with his friends, i just want him to let me know that he isnt coming over so i dont wait on him. i have told him this before. me and him have a good relationship, been together 2 yrs and never had a fight. so can you help me understand why he dont call me when hes not coming over?

- Asked by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 18-21, Miami, Self-Employed

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This is very rude and insensitive for him to do to you. You really need to discuss this behavior with him because it could lead to more things down the road. He may become more disrespectful in the future. I cannot tell you WHY he is doing it per se. I would NEVER do this to a woman I care about. Let him know how it effects you. Draw a line. That is unacceptable. You are more important than that.

Good Luck

- Response by jayzen, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male

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I think he does that as a way to control you: he does not want to spend time with you at the moment, but wants to know exactly where you are (at your home) and what are you doing (thinking of him).
Next time he stands you up tell him that you had a terrific time talking to your (male) neighbor, or that a good (male) friend/old boyfriend happened to be in your neighborhood just then and paid you a visit and you two had so much fun, and I think you will see "the glint of jealousy" lurking in his eye. Perhaps he will get the message that if he doesn't take care of his shop someone else will come and eat for free!

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Seattle, Technical

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Not to put too fine a point on it, but he's taking you for granted, being selfish, immature, inconsiderate and flaky. Faithful or not, chances are you can do better than someone who puts everything else first and doesn't bother to call.

- Response by sidhe, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Vancouver, Administrative

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Maybe you won't like this but it sounds like he needs something to fight for. I would guess that early in your relationship that he rarely missed a date and called you if he did. It sounds like he started taking you for granted now that he "has" you. 2 years is a long time to be complacent in a relationship, he may feel that the relationship is secure enough that he can be lazy and relax his habits towards keeping his word and keeping in touch. A dangerous road to walk though, because with complacency the heart wanders with the eye.

- Response by sunsetlover, A Player, Male, 26-28, Vancouver, Technical

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Girl I can totally relate! Unfortunately, I cannot offer you any advice...
My guy and I have been dating for nearly 2 years as well and now his pattern of not calling and not making plans with me is getting worse. He tells me he's hanging out with friends, but that's no excuse for not picking up the phone. Communication has come to a halt with us, so it makes it difficult for me to decide to break it off with him or just "wait" for him. I'm glad you don't think he's cheating on you....but how do you know that? My guy and I are much older than your profile (28 & 33) but I'm still curious as to how others respond to your question. I would ask the same question myself, but I don't want others to get bored with the same questions ya know?
My email is t00lb0xx @ yahoo (the o's are actually zeros) if you'd like to share your responses, I would much appreciate it! I feel for ya hun-sorry I couldn't offer any explanation to his behavior. I'm trying to figure out my own guy! :)

- Response by m00dypants, A Player, Female, 29-35, Boston, Technical

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He is most likely forgetful, it may also be that he is scared he will hurt you if he says he isnt comming over. Try to tell him how you feel about it. Don't feel like the only one that this happens to either. I have a girl that does the same thing to me. Good luck to you. Hope this helps.

- Response by somesuthernguy, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 22-25, Miami, Student

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While it is good that he is not cheating, his manners leave a lot to be desires. It is common courtesy
to let your partner know when you will be late, or more importantly, when you can't make an appointed
meeting. It sounds like he puts his friends before you; after being together for two years, he should certainly
know better. While guys need their "freedom", if he wants to be in a steady relationship, he needs to balance
that freedom with meeting his commitment to you. Sounds like a fight is overdue... or at least a strong discussion
on where you stand in his priorities.


- Response by anarion55, A Father Figure, Male

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