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What is wrong with him?
Sex & Intimacy / 4:42 PM - Sunday December 15, 2013

What is wrong with him?

Right. I'll try to keep this long story as short as possible.

Been "seeing" this guy for approx. 5 months now on and off. Met through mutual friends. We hooked up and then always when we met at a party we ended up at my place. Sometimes he picked me up when I was partying and stayed the night. Now after a few months of booty calls and facebook chat I kind of had enough. He used to stay here at my place the whole afternoon, chatting, cuddling but never iniciated any contact after the weekend. So I just told him straight up at our friend's birthday party that I wasn't interested being the girl he just "hooks up" with, and if he wishes to have me in his life we could date like normal people or just forget about it. He told me that he was not going into a relationship, that he just wasn't at that stage in his life, was afraid of it (was brutally cheated on in his last relationship which was 3 years ago). So I just thanked him for letting me know at we didn't talk for about a month. I started dating a guy, which he heard about and was (what i was told) jealous.

Now the story starts over again, but with a twist. He went on a weekend trip with his family and offered to buy me some make up I wanted, so he went with his sisters and bought for me some stuff, all his family knows who I am which also contradicts the "just a girl i hook up with". And 3 weeks ago, I texted him quite drunk and he immediately picks me up, and stays the night, doesn't go home until 4 in the afternoon. Now on wednesday night we meet up sober for the first time, watch a documentary and just cuddle and chill, no sex ...

So I am getting mixed signals here. He's a handsome fellah, he can hook up with girls if he wants. Why would he want to continues this thing with us, knowing that I have feelings for him, and be in this "mess" for almost half a year if he wasn't "that" interested. I have tried to ignore him and that just doesn't work, everytime I come back, he walks right back to me, so it's hard. What should I do? Whats his deal? Why let his family know who I am and come everytime I call him but not willing to go to the next level?

- Asked by A Career Woman, Female, 26-28, Managerial

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Sorry, but fwbs know family members and do nice thoughtful things too. It isn't always about sex. That is what differentiates fwb's from f*ck buddies. Sex has nothing to do with how many women a man can get. They can have sex with many women AND YOU.

When one isn't available there's another one filling in. It's about experiencing that variety of women. And, it's not about jealousy. It's about losing territory. Some guys don't mind their penises being all over the place. But they don't particularly want the vaginas entertaining other penises.

Each woman can fulfill a certain need that maybe another can't. Absolutely NONE if this matter. What does matter is ge doesn't want a relationship with you. Bad relationship past is no excuse. Whi hasn't had a bad experience before?

At some point he'll meet a woman he want a relationship with, and he won't think of those "bad experiences." Some men will do whatever it take to appease you, if it will keep you as an option. That's simply the truth. Stop having sex with him. Stop confusing yourself by not wanting to believe the truth.

And, stop trying to convince yourself that you're more to him than you actually are. Stop hoping he'll change his mind. These are the things that keep you coming back. What YOU need to be asking YOURSELF is, why have I been settling for this mess for half a year?

Don't YOU believe you're worth more than this? Don't you believe there are other men in this world who would calue you for more than this guy does? That's the REAL issue. It isn't really about HIM. Good luck.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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