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Is it true that when people are drunk they say exactly what they feel without holding back?
Dating / 11:22 AM - Sunday September 15, 2013

Is it true that when people are drunk they say exactly what they feel without holding back?

I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend after a party about a month ago. He screamed/asked me why I was "so goddamn clingy" and I told him I wasn't but he insisted I was. It really hurt me... I wasn't drunk at all. I saw him flirting with another girl intensely and called him out on it in front of her and walked off. He chased after me and denied flirting with her and then we got into the fight that lead him to call me clingy. The next morning I asked him why he said it and why he had a need to talk to the girl so intensely at a party when he was with me. He told me he didn't remember any of it, he doesn't even remember what she looked like, what they talked about, not even what he said to me. He apologized for it, but ever since then it's just been hurting me. Randomly I feel sad and now when we hang out I sometimes get this horrible feeling I'm bothering him or I'm around too much or I'm being "clingy" even though he said he's never thought that of me. I don't know what to believe...why would he never think of me like that and yet when he's drunk he blurted it out so easily and accused me of it?

I need some help and advice. Thanks.

- Asked by stmeow, A Thinker, Female, 18-21, Dallas, Medical / Dental

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From what I've heard and read in the past, for 90% of people alcohol is a truth serum. For alcoholics the alcohol changes the brain.

So I guess there was some truth in what he spewed (in his mind) when he was drunk.

I had a very close girlfriend many years ago who had friends of various ethnicities and religions. She was Irish Caucasian. Her husband was black. Her two best girlfriends (I was 1) were Jewish background. When she drank she made nasty remarks about blacks and Jews. I justified it for a while because she was drunk. But she wouldn't get help for the drinking because she was "functioning." I fizzled the friendship.

I would assume he meant what he said when he was drunk. The flirtiness I would let go. His inhibitions were just lessened but let him know it isn't okay. That is if he is loyal and true normally.

As far as our being clingy, back off so he doesn't feel smothered. No one is perfect and you are young.

It isn't something you should break up over I don't think.

- Response by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Medical / Dental

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Alcohol causes on to lose their inhibition which can cause someone to speak before they think. It can also alter their mood and personality.

And given your boyfriends drinking has him not remembering things, feeling "hurt" should be the last thing on your mind when it comes to your alcoholic boyfriend who has blackouts.

Advice is to dump him because his drinking is a problem, being he's a nasty alcoholic and uses it as an excuse to "not remember" when he's said mean, nasty things and who needs that mess to deal with.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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That's pretty shitty :/. But, honestly, I feel like alcohol is sometimes a link to a persons real feelings. You have to understand though, some dudes have NO idea they are even flirting with a broad at all because sometimes, they are just clueless on that. I got into a little fight with my s/o about that when he was drunk and talking to a broad that was hanging all over him. Difference being he said he was just being himself, which is actually true. Your guy may have just been pissed that you got mad because that's just the rational thing to do at times it seems. I would just have a heart to heart with him and get both sides of how both of you feel. Communication. Ya dig?

- Response by sillysquids2, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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Because he's drunk and people don't think at all when they're drunk. Obviously he can't control himself very well when he's drinking and nothing you say or do is going to change that. So if you want to continue partying it up with him, then suck it up and deal with the behavior..if not, then boyfriends are replaceable and you're still young & cute to attract anyone you like. Remember that drinking & partying is not the secret to long relationship success -in fact, it creates more problems than solves.

And no, just because they're drunk and say whatever stupid thought is on their mind that instant, doesn't mean it's "truth" -it means they're idiots.

There are some guys who WANT a girl like you to cling to them.

- Response by jillopo, An Alternative Girl, Female, 66 or older, Peshawar, Other Profession

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no. you are right feeling the way you do. He is just trying to play the ole "it's not me being bad, it's you" card. That is the oldest one in the book.

- Response by wakeforester, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45

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Lots of stuff remains unsaid including good things. If this is the only time he has said you're clingy and the majority of your relationship with him is good, I would look at the overall picture. If this is yet another problem or the relationship is going downhill in general that is when you should consider whether it's worth it.

Alcohol is also Dutch Courage. You might be glad you were presented with the truth. You can work with that. Rather than find out 10 years down the line.

- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

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Have you ever heard of the saying "when the wine is in, the wit is out"? I believed that most people who drink and get drunk made themselves quite "braver" to say things they can't even muster when they are sober. It is easy to say they can remember to avoid further fights one way or another it is also another indication of cowardly act. Sorry Hun, that's my thoughts based on my personal experience. Good luck x

- Response by asianlovely13, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, London, Managerial

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Alcohol doesn't make you "truthful." It releases your inhibitions and makes it easier to make a fool of yourself.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Quit drinking. Liquor is not an excuse for bad behavior. It clouds your judgement and alters your personality. I wouldn't want to date a man that acted like this after drinking.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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Reading this is like hearing myself talk..i just recently broke up w my bf of 5 yrs, his drinking and his behavior while he was drinking was one of the contributing factors. He was a sloppy drunk would say mean nasty negative things to me about me about other ppl would act inapproriate in front of me run his mouth to other women when we were out and then try and say i was the kne with the problem-not!! sad to say it took me such a long time to break it off but im not missing the disrespect and drunk bs i put up w felt more like a babysittn job more than a relationship at times i love the guy bur hes got some unresolved issues. Id say if this was an isolated incident move past it but if it starts to become a familiar scene you may ve in the same boat i was. You have to arrive at this choice on your own, learn to listen to your insticts they mever steer you wrong- lookn back i wish i had of listened more would have saved me much un needed heartache. Good luck to you and dobt let him drink long island ice teas they were the worse for this behavior!

- Response by A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Washington, DC, Who Cares?

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Alcohol just makes us brave to say things we usually wouldn't when sober.
Whether he knew he was flirting with another girl or not is irrelevant. The fact that you were around and caught him doing it caused him to blurt out that you're "so godamn clingy".

You're very young and attractive. I'm sure your bf is as well. You need to assess where you think or want your relationship to go. He should want to be with you because you make him happy. Likewise for you. If he's not happy with being with you, well I would suggest let him go. I'm sure the girl he was flirting with wouldn't want him flirting with someone else either if they were together. Besides, his behavior when drunk is unexceptable... a warning of things to come.

- Response by sweetncharmn1, An Engaged Guy, Male, 36-45

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Yes because taking inhibition away is the effect of alcohol on the brain, it relaxes and makes us brave too.

- Response by ana325, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Vancouver, Other Profession

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theres two things you need to look at here. the first is that alcohol is a truth serum that encourages you to speak your TRUE feelings.......MYTH!!!! !! I can say from my own past experience that alcohol actually takes you to a place where you seeking TO ESCAPE your real feelings. if alcohol was such a truth serum then why do you see so many people hook up with people they meet in a bar theyd never even share a meal with sober..only to wake up the next day thinking WHO.....ARE..YOU???? I DO hope that the girl he was flirting with has better sense than to think she can believe everything a guy says to her when hes drunk.

however.....drunk or sober...a neither a guy or a girl is going to be flirting with ANYONE in the presence of someone theyre married to or in a relationship with..if theyre really into them. they especially don't do the GO AWAY AND LET ME DO MY THING when confronted about it. does your boyfriend remember what he did the night before? of course he does. hes using that as an excuse. hes hoping youll take the hint that he really doesn't want to be in the relationship with you so he wont actually have to do any heavy lifting. hes wanting you to do it for him and is simply pushing you til you snap and leave. why? because..ONE.. hes immature and TWO...hes a coward this isn't a situation of alcohol releasing his subconscious feelings about a relationship he deep down doent want to be in. its a situation of him using it as an excuse to not to hold himself accountable for his choices and behavior and is deflecting the situation onto you.

the thing you really need to ask yourself is...why do you want to be with someone who treats women like dirt?
lisa

- Response by u2joshuadesireu, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I think drinking makes people more uninhibited, therefore freer to speak their minds. But a drunk often says things they don't mean or just don't know what they are saying.

- Response by rhonda35, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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No, a drunk person does not say "exactly what they feel," but they do say what they are thinking, with little or no "inhibition."

Alcohol is not exactly "truth serum" but it impairs your judgment, including social judgment and "inhibitions." That is why some women will "table dance" after enough alcohol and that is why some people will pair off with others that they normally would not, after having too much to drink.

I would say that your relationship has deeper problems than his boozy flirtation or your alleged clinginess. I would challenge you as to why are you in a relationship with such a man AT ALL.

This happened a month ago and you're not over it.

This isn't the type of relationship to "fight over," you are dating. And dating relationships are temporary by definition. This is the "test drive." And if you are looking for advice on how to repair what you are only supposed to be test-driving, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

When you find out crap you don't like about someone you are dating - you leave them. You don't try to change them to clean up their life and crappy behavior to your liking. Go find a man who will treat you the way you like - all the time, not just when he's sober.



- Response by tooluser, A Career Man, Male, 36-45

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...only people who can't handle their booze or are rank amatures at drinking fall into that description.

...trust me on this, sister......I drink more in a month than most do in a year....or a lifetime HAHAHA!!!

- Response by nameacarl, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Oostende, Self-Employed

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sounds like a real class act.......what will be his excuse the next time?............. "good luck" :0/

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I use to drin a lot and it made me do things I normally wouldnt do or even think of doing and didnt WANT to do. But it also made me do things that I DID WANT to do and say things I di want to say. What do you think. I would bet YOU know the TRUTH! :)

- Response by starseedwarrior, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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Goodness. He maybe drank so darn much that he CRS.

- Response by daffodils2008, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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