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I have a problem with a neighbor...
House & Home / 10:54 AM - Monday August 26, 2013

I have a problem with a neighbor...

she sometimes imposes on me and asks me for many favors. I usually don't make a fuss with her as she is elderly but this time I'm thinking she is trying to get away with too much. She is having a cookout with lots of people this coming weekend, and has asked if she can have her guests park in my driveway while I am away. I feel this is my property and no one should be there while I am not home. I told her I would have to think about it, while I know I don't like the idea. My daughter has also told me that she herself has parked (and I caught her once) parked in my driveway while coming back from a trip. She made some excuse about not being there for long.
I dont want to have problems with her, but she really super imposes sometimes and I wish she wouldn't.
What do you think, and what would you tell her if you were in my position?

Update: August 30, 2013.
I'm not sure if my first follow up to you went through here, I see the PS I wrote but not another I sent. I told this lady that no, I wouldn't feel comfortable with her having 2 and 3 cars in my driveway while I am gone. I know she will not pay for any damage done if it happens-- she's this way. She is the also the kind of person to take advantage any way she can, so maybe I am letting that affect my decision. I really don't care--she has not been a nice person over all. She has 3 cars in her driveway when she only needs one, and that is part of her problem. There is plenty pf parking all around as I live on a U shaped block (cul de sac) and she doesnt want her guests to have to park down the block, is all. I hate to sound anal or whatever to some here, but you need to know how this woman is herself, then I'm sure you'd side with me. Thanks for all your responses!

Update: August 30, 2013.
PS--my oldest daughter will be home so it's not like my house will be all alone. Relatives are checking in as well.

Update: August 30, 2013.
Hi all--I have been traveling and as some may know I am in Canada driving daughter to college. Long trip btu we made it here last night safe and sound thankfully. The moose signs made me nervous though! I just wanted to clear some things up here that some people misunderstood--I think I worded some things wrong. My daughter has nothing to do with the driveway--all that happened with her is that she has told me that she has seen my neighbor park in the driveway, when I was not home and when the neighbor thought no one else was home but my daughter was. This woman is the type to take advantage of anyone and many in the neighborhood do not like her for her ways. She wanted me for example to share the cost of a cage to trap neighborhood stray cats that were in HER yard (we are next door neighbors). She also has 3 cars--yes--3--and she didnt need the third--she just wanted a car like mine when I got mine (an SUV). She is about 70 yrs old and doesn't need to have 3 Lexuses in her own driveway. She is I hate to say, kind of nosy and talks badly of others when I'm not interested--for all I know she must talk about me to others as well. Now the gist of the problem is that she was planning on not one car in my driveway--but at least 3. I think that's too much--it's my property,and I would never ask a favor like this to anyone--I would have people park around--the block is a U shape and there is plenty of parking. Thanks for all your responses--appreciate them!!

- Asked by amy1022, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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You need to turn this around to work FOR you. Since they had and have done their parking in your driveway regardless, you can take this opportunity to state your bottom line. How about letting her at this time, telling her in FIRM terms that it's for this time only, and your limit on where and how many cars, etc. This way she should GET IT, that you have certain restrictions, and you DO care about what goes on in your own yard/driveway. Take this as the opportunity to discuss your concerns,..is there drinking? Will they possibly misjudge distance and run over something you have, flowers, etc? The more you state your factors, the more she will understand it's not a free for all in your property as well as realize to use your space is a privilege not a given.

- Response by nysbikergirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Wow. Really? An empty driveway? An imposition? I have no words for this one..,

- Response by siouxzen, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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i would firmly tell her that i do not want anymore parking in your driveway. your space is your space and thats that. no bs just the truth. personally i think it is rude of someone to impose that way. furthermore, if someone got hurt or property damage occurs on your property, best believe they will look to you for compensation. usually i have a relative pull their car in to block my driveway when i travel. works for me. :D

- Response by swtnsxy2, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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"No" is a complete sentence. The more you let her impose, the more she will impose. I'd simply start telling her "no" unless there was a compelling and reasonable justification. (For example is parking really dear in you neighborhood?). A few "no's" will make her think twice before attempting to impose.

Try these:
"I'm not really comfortable with that."
"My insurance agent said that letting people access my property could land me trouble. I don't think I'm comfortable with that."

You could even use this to note that she parked in your place before:

"You know, I saw that you parked in my driveway one day and I didn't like it, so, no, I don't think I want your guests parking in my driveway."

or the easy way:

"No, I'm sensitive to oil stains on my driveway and don't want other's cars parked there."

Good luck and God bless.

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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honestly, I don't see this as a huge imposition. It's just a driveway and you'll be gone anyway.

But if you're adamant about it, just tell her you're not comfortable with the idea, and besides you may be coming home in the middle of the party anyway (even if you know you're not).

- Response by hubbyochris, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Cleveland, Executive

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This woman is using you big time. Those like her prey on the nice people. Tell her point blank no she can not use your driveway and cut the bullshit. Watch the old bat turn into a roaring lion.

- Response by nomadbum, Female, 46-55, Chicago, Self-Employed

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We always let our neighbors use our driveway for parking when they have parties. We also let the city use our lot for the weekly Farmer's Market vendors to park. If I'm not using it WTH?

- Response by jezmebaby, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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It sounds like you have a hard time to say no to people. You have to set boundaries with people period. Once you do it right away with people, they will respect you.
I don't care how old anyone is,but if you cross my boundaries, especially think you can impose, I will shut you down, politely that is and say. NO. I would say, I am sorry but I don't think it's a good idea. Thank you. See it is simple to the point and no arguements. good luck

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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When we will be out of town for a few days, we actually WANT our neighbors to park in our driveway! Our home / property will likely be less inviting for "evil do-ers" (LOL) if it appears as though someone is home.

As far as your own daughter having parked in your driveway (and having been honest about it) - I'm sort of at a loss at that one. Our grown kids are always welcome in AND "outside" of our home. Does your daughter have some sort of criminal history?

If you feel that people are taking advantage of you, learn how to draw some boundaries. Begin by using the word, "NO". Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "If you step on me once, shame on YOU. Step on me twice, shame on ME!".

- Response by familygal, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Body Work

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This is not an unusual request. I have gone to many events, where neighbors have extended this courtesy. If you will not be using your driveway that day, I don't understand why you have a problem with this.

- Response by nautalady, A Trendsetter, Female, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Other Profession

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I would say No because if, my property is destroyed in any way you will be responsible. Would you be willing to sign a paper saying if, damage occurs your responsible? That will stop her winning and have your daughter check and see if, she is there.
She needs to be put in her place.

- Response by philosopher1, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55

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Just tell it like it is. I'm sorry but I don't even want my daughter parking in my driveway when I'm gone. Perhaps they could park ---------------- or -----------------. I hope you have a wonderful time.

- Response by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Administrative

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You need to tell her you prefer not to have people on your property while you are not there.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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If you aren't going to be there then what can it hurt? If it's the idea that to give her another inch she will take the mile then decide to just pick your Nose...(NOs..no's...you know what I mean)

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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I have been using the kindness of a couple neighbors who let me park in their driveway(s) with my cars while I get my driveway built. For me, I would let them park in my space any time (as soon as I get mine BUILT.) If you have space to loan, loan it. It's not going anywhere.

- Response by beachinbeachboy, A Jock, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Consulting

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I had a neighbor that wanted us to park in his driveway while he was out of town to make it look like someone was home. I really don't see how allowing guests to park in your driveway is an imposition for you especially since you are not even going to be home. I wouldn't care!

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Ask her to pay rent, then STICK IT OUT.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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amy just let her... you aren't going to be home.

- Response by wakeforester, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45

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Follow your spirit - It is good to be kind but everyone needs their personal space. It is your home. Not a bus Station. -Richard

- Response by stick4013, A Creative, Male, 66 or older, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I don't understand why it is such an issue to park in your driveway if you are not there.

It may even be good karma and scare off thieves who think it is an empty house.

I don;t understand your driveway issue and I also don't understand how someone you describe as elderly has the energy to through a big BBQ.

I am an easily annoyed and easily irritated person but I have graciously allowed others to use my extra parking spot when they needed it and i didn;t. That is painless.

sorry- i can't help in this specific issue because I don't understand it.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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