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Would you prefer someone come on too strong too soon or hesitates too long?
Sex & Intimacy / 10:03 PM - Sunday August 25, 2013

Would you prefer someone come on too strong too soon or hesitates too long?

In a dating situation do you prefer someone come on too strong sexually too soon or be rather shy and hesitant and leave in your court?

- Asked by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Retired

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When I was dating, I preferred men who could behave with modified shyness--that is, they could be courteous and show me that they had the confidence to behave otherwise, but that they were behaving the way a shy person might out of respect for me. It is very easy for people with accomplished social skills to pull this behavior off--for instance, they can allow you to break eye contact, not force prolonged, sexualized eye contact, keep a decent distance between you while letting you know that it's okay for you to choose to close the space that they leave between you when they walk around you, open the door, wait in line to be seated at restaurants, that sort of thing.

Then again--my husband kissed me hard on the lips on our first date. He did the "I'm confident enough to give you space, not force eye contact, etc" thing for the first forty five minutes of our first date; then, when we were in the close confines of a rickshaw in Central Park, he sorta lost it and spun me to him and kissed me. He later said he couldn't restrain himself--although he did restrain himself in other areas later that night. :)

With anyone else, I would have resented the hard kiss on the lips, close confines or not (it wasn't brutally hard or bruising, but it was a real kiss, not a brush of the lips); but somehow, I just felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and the rest of the world went away and all I could think was... Wow--this one's special. The rest is history...

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

Rating Received:

I prefer enthusiasm and passion over someone reticent. Shy is a learned behavior which means their is skill building needed and I'm not the one wanting to do that with a partner. Hesitant in my experience has often been the person who hasn't a lot of experience and I'm not interested in that either.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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Community Rating: Community Star

i'd be suspicious of someone who comes on too strong if it was a guy

not if it was a girl

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:

If I make the move, it's always in the back of my mind he in no way "likes" me, probably bc any time a guy is too aggressive I don't like him. Lol

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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When I was much,much younger, I used to come on too strong too fast.

That taught me a lesson. Since then, I take it easy.

- Response by size008, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older, New York, Retired

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Too strong in the beginning is a turn off and it should come naturally if you are just getting to know one another.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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....either way - just as long as she comes, I'm ok with it.


- Response by nameacarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Oostende, Self-Employed

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