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I feel like I might as well kill myself
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 3:19 AM - Saturday August 10, 2013

I feel like I might as well kill myself

I'm starting over. Of course the guy I married now is a stranger. I'm trying my best to put myself out there and be me, but I just don't feel it. I've got a guy conning to stay with me next weekend, but I just want to crawl in a cave and die. How did you get over a divorce and your infertity? "Friends" that I try to relate to getting over a waitress of hooking up with for 6 months just don't cut it.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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I can only tell you how I got over it but some will not agree. I concentrated on what I could fix. I need to find a place to live, that took up a lot of my time and focus. I also needed this not to affect my work, again more focus and attention. Then, I realised that although I had to rethink my future, it was actually a lot brighter without him in it. That took me about three month by this point. Then, surprisingly, I found a wage slip of his tucked into a drawer that I must have brought with me and it made me cry for hours. If was after that that I actually felt good, it was past and I could move on.

- Response by rumloverreturns, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Glasgow, Other Profession

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I think the people who reacted to the suicidal ideation in your post are overreacting--who hasn't said, at some point of her life, "If only I were just dead!"? Just saying it doesn't mean you mean it.

You certainly don't need to get involved with the entirely for profit medical system over this, in my opinion. Do you hurt? Sure. Are you likely to kill yourself? Due to the fact that you were likable enough to get someone to want to come stay with you, I'm willing to bet that you're not likely to make a serious suicide attempt. If you weren't trying to put yourself out there at all, such as even getting someone to come stay with you, then that would be different--someone who's suicidal wouldn't be likely to do that, at least typically speaking.

Personally, I don't think I'll ever be able to handle a pregnancy because of my health issues--I'm barely functioning (according to my standards for functioning) with my health issues and a pregnancy would probably destroy my ability to do even that. So, for all practical purposes, I'm just as infertile as you are. Now a divorce, I admit, would absolutely devastate me--my husband is my best friend as well as my lover. But there are at least three other people who are simply aching to take his place. There's a lovely line in a Jean Anouilh play--"Women will die for love, but not sit waiting." ;)

So, if I were you, I would think about everything you have to live for--what do you want to do in the world? I hope it goes beyond merely succeeding in having a man and a child. I hope you want more for yourself than that.

With that hope for you in mind, I would suggest that you cancel Mr. "visit this weekend" or at least put him on hold until you've gotten your life back together. Decide what YOU want--remember you? What do you want for yourself? You are a separate person, not forever merged with the person that you lost--work on the person you are and learn to love her again and find something constructive to do. While you're doing that, you'll be surprised at how many men will turn up--people are typically attracted to individuals who have something going for themselves, as opposed to people whose emotional survival hinges on having a man and a kid.

If you want a kid so much, just adopt--there are millions of children who are already in this world who do not have proper care. You can be more than even a mother to a child like this--you can be that child's savior, in effect. That is a wonderful thing to be able to do for another human being who actually exists as a human being, right now, in the world. If your career is okay and you don't have any long term goals and you were really stuck on having a kid, why not try adopting? That would give you something to focus on and something to live for.

In any event, I think you have some work to do with yourself. I don't think you're at the point where you need the intrusion of the medical establishment. Just sit down with yourself and think about what you can do to make yourself happier. You will decide on something, eventually. ((((hugs))))

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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You back way up and start again. You get back to what is important to you and reclaim who you are at this stage of your life. Take control of your life, call and cancel that weekend you are having anxiety about. Heal. Until you are comfortable with who you are, and the direction you are will not be able to show the "best" in yourself to someone else. Good luck.

- Response by uasked, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65

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Suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. And talking about suicide is often the first signs. Go see your doctor who will refer you on to a mental health professional. You will feel much better a lot quicker than attempting to deal with this all by yourself.

- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

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Well I've never been divorced but I think the starting point would be putting yourself and your needs first. A bit of self exploration taking stock and realization of what you want and needs in the present and future.

Dump the fifth wheel!!!

- Response by ilom, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Halifax, Science / Engineering

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If you can't feel it any more then get out and be happy.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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