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Asking a girl's father for her hand in marriage
Married Life / 11:25 PM - Tuesday May 28, 2013

asking a girl's father for her hand in marriage

is that still necessary?
what if the girl isn't close to her father or mother?
what if he says no?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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It's not necessary, but it's respectful & shows manners.

Even if she isn't close to her parents, you should still ask their permission out of respect.

If her father says no, then you either 1) Respect his wishes. or 2) Ask her to marry you anyway. It's your call.

- Response by christinaa8001, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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I can say as a father, it's not necessary but very appreciated. If the father is not in her life, the same holds true to the mother. Asking is not necessary but very much appreciated.

The same is true if the parent gives their blessing or not. If you truly love each other, would you still get married if one or both parents say no - I suspect you still would but it's so much nicer when you do have the parents blessings.

The same is also true when two adults with kids from previous relationships get married. It's customary for the parents to ask the kids for their blessings, but it's not required.

- Response by cosmicdog0, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Denver, Science / Engineering

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Our son in law called my husband from US and asked for our daughter's hand in marriage, but only after him and our daughter already fell for each other and agreed on the marriage. He wanted to talk to her dad and make sure that he is OK with that, and that it's a right thing to do.
That was very sweet and they have a wonderful marriage. Her husband is a supper nice guy and very respectful to elderly and anyone else. He is very well known and loved in his city.

- Response by ana325, A Career Woman, Female, 66 or older, Other Profession

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In my family it would be expected. Thankfully both my husbands were old-fashioned enough to follow through with asking my Dad (first husband) and my second husband asked my Mother seeing as my Dad had already passed.

I'm not sure how this plays out when the woman is not close to her father or mother. Maybe they ask the closest relative you have such as an Aunt or Uncle or they could just skip this tradition all together.

My Mother's first husband was turned down three times before he got my Mother's families approval. Eventually they married but looking back they were right seeing as how the marriage didn't last. Sometimes family knows best!

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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It is a tradition that some families subscribe to. After my sister became engaged, her fiance went to my father to ask for his blessing. My father was touched by this gesture. If I ever get married, I will ask someone in my fiancee's family for his blessing.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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Not necessary, but it could mean quite a lot in the areas of wedding funding and long-term positive relations between him and the father-in-law.

If the girl isn't close to her father, then it makes no sense to ask him.

If he says no, then, it's best to move far away after you're married.

In ancient times, and even in some cultures today, a man has to PAY the father-in-law a dowry to marry his daughter. It is a form of "divorce insurance" to provide for her in case of divorce, as well as to pay the father for his loss of a house-maid in his household, because generally, the man takes her home to an extension of his own father's house, and she works there, instead.

- Response by beachinbeachboy, A Jock, Male, 46-55, Consulting

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