Thank you for your many years of support. We want to share the news with you that after much consideration, will cease operations in its present format on October 15th. We appreciate your meaningful contributions over the years.
Back to Home

Active Questions

Why do men get angry when caught cheating?
Sex & Intimacy / 2:44 PM - Monday May 13, 2013

Why do men get angry when caught cheating?

I recently caught my boyfriend who I thought was the most amazing guy ever, cheating on me with his ex. She showed me messages he sent to her denying his relationship with me. She told me so many things about time they spent together that it made my head spin. Honestly, I don't know how he found the time since he was with me so much. Instead of being remorseful he got angry with me for talking to her and said that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me or her and that he didn't need a girlfriend anymore. He closed this by offering to be friends with me... WTH?

- Asked by A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Seattle, Veterinary

Read more about the Rating System

Wow. I'm sorry that happened to you...what a douche-bag he is...

Anyway, people often get defensive when they are busted doing something they shouldn't. It's a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions - they deflect their feelings of guilt or fear of their actions' consequences, by getting angry at the person for catching them. People can play all kinds of psychological games in their own minds to avoid the realization that they fucked up and they have no one to blame but themselves. (The truth hurts...)

It sounds like you're better off without this lying cheater. Go heal and then find someone better than him - you deserve it.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

they think they are invincible and can get away with anything they want

- Response by sarahot46, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

He's angry because his game is up. I hope you don't decide to be *friends* with this lousy excuse for a man...ijs

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

Rating Received:

My last X lied to me ( so much ) and with so ( much depth ) that when I found out I was stunned.

I know that doesn't sound like much but let the word sink in and fully develop. Literally my head went blank thinking she fibbed on so many major and minor issues that any foundation we had was not broken - but demolished, thrown into the sea and sunk within seconds.

I didn't know what to do, say or feel.

In the end - it was nice to be free.

Moral - the curb is a great place for some people to be. Congrats that you sent him there. We are not all like that.

|| DK ||

- Response by ddkk, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Philadelphia, Political / Government

Rating Received:

I would say he got mad because he got found out & the cat was out of the bag to both you women.

- Response by irishize, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who lies and cheats. He is offering to be friends, in order to leave the door open, in case he wants to come back in it. If it were me, that door would be shut and locked. Who needs friends like him?

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

Rating Received:

In all sorts of scenarios, not just in the case of cheating, people use anger/showboating to distract from the matter at-hand. When emotions are running high and people feel cornered/embarrassed/gu ilty it's much easier to lash out than it is to own the bad behavior. Owning up to bad behavior or mistakes requires a skill-set that people like him (cheaters) don't seem to have.

Other than that, he's just pissed that he doesn't get to continue on with his double relationship game. It's like a kid having a tantrum... he's mad that his "toys" got taken away.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

Rating Received:

See....this is what I always tell people and they say I'm nuts. I say, "Go find the exs and see is they will talk to you." You can save yourself a hell of a lot of trouble if you just talked to the exs or the affiliates. And men get mad when you do this because you are blowing their false face apart. People who exploit others for what they want don't want their scam blown up in such scathing detail that they can't wiggle out of it. And exes always have evidence.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

Rating Received:

Cheaters feel like its unfair for you to tie them down, like a heavy ball and chain they have to drag. "Its not like You're MARRIED or anything!"
"Why can't you be more accepting of his promiscuity and let him have his Funs?"
He is more the selfish type and wants to Do what HE WANTS TO DO. and no one is going to stop him.
He's mad at you for not being 'Happy for him' for his getting laid and having a good time. What makes him happy should make YOU happy if you truly loved him. That's what he's probably thinking/feeling.

Since you are MAD that he did something that feels good, you must not want him to feel good. Making YOU the enemy (of sorts) and you must not love him very much, or are just too controlling, too JEALOUS, meddling and trifling. that is how a cheater thinks.

I'm a cheater. I've been TOLD its a screwed-up, selfish mentality we have. Seems normal to ME because its how I think.....

- Response by discotrash, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Las Vegas, Other Profession

Rating Received:

As a serial cheater myself, I will say that I never FELT embarrassed or ashamed. I have been TOLD I SHOULD feel that way, but I just felt the anger I described above.
"they dont really love me if they are mad that I had an orgasm(cheap thrills) with someone I dont even LOVE at all"
Fucking someone else does NOT affect my love for the person I'm with. Some people just function like that.
I'm not even poly-amorous per se, but I can have a FUN TIME with a person I barely know and its like going to Kings Island Amusement Park. That doesn't mean I dont love my pet cat(steady relationship) at home, just because I had a fun time at Kings Island. In fact, I appreciate my cat and nice relaxing home-time even MORE because I went out and experienced new things.

Some people have NO moral qualms with being loose, promiscuous, slutty. They actually ENJOY IT and it makes them truly happy in their hearts. I'm serious.
Slutting-around makes me HAPPY and fills a deep seated need.

Why DO YOU get mad over cheap thrills if you have his LOVE? and she doesn't?

- Response by discotrash, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Las Vegas, Other Profession

Rating Received:

Amazing isn't it. It easier to be unjustly angry than admit your faults. AND he offered to "stay friends." BTW: that's code for "I'll keep softening you up until you aren't angry and I can get booty from you both at the same time again. WINNING!"

Women will get kicked as long as they let themselves get kicked.

Good luck and God bless

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

Rating Received:

Everyone gets mad when they get caught doing something wrong. Ever see anyone happy to get arrested? He is wrong, he knows he's wrong and he got caught, and he's mad that he got caught.

- Response by hearmenow, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Other Profession

Rating Received:

Women get angry when they're called out, too. It's the DARVO response-- Deny, Attack, Reverse-the-Victim-and- Offender. It's considered a sociopathic trait.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

Rating Received:

He got caught in the cheating.
He was really a loser and you do not need him.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Atlanta, Retired

Rating Received:

Angry because it's not fun getting caught in a lie. Angry because it stands the best chance of backing you off so they can continue to cheat. Angry because infidelity is just a little bit of insanity, and they don't like being called on their bad behavior.

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

Rating Received: