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Why would an engaged man cheat on his girlfriend/fiancé with another woman?
Sex & Intimacy / 7:24 PM - Saturday April 27, 2013

Why would an engaged man cheat on his girlfriend/fiancé with another woman?

I have been involved with a man for the last 5 years but he has a girlfriend/fiancé. When we first met 5 years ago he had broken up with his girlfriend but after a while they ended up getting back together however he still kept seeing me and we have been seeing each other ever since. I really should have ended the relationship with him when he got back together with his girlfriend but I didn't (yeah I know....bad idea). Anyway, he ended getting engaged with his girlfriend last year. We had made a promise that after New Years we would end our relationship however this has not yet happened as promised as he has stated that he is not yet ready to end it yet. I believe he cares for me and I care for him very much as well. Unfortunately I will be coming out on the short end once he marries his girlfriend and it totally sucks! I know he has no intentions of calling off his engagement. This is very difficult situation. I just don't understand how a man could be engaged but still want to hold on to a woman he has been seeing secretly. Is it even possible to love your girlfriend yet have some feelings for another woman? HELP!

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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You are on an emotional roller coaster with this man. You need to get off, quickly. You have allowed him to make you second in his life and that is horrible. His fiance should be informed of his cheating. Its not fair for either of you. He is deceiving her as well. As long as there are women like you that condone this type of behavior, there are going to be those men who use and abuse you. Yes, it is abuse, emotional abuse. This is very unacceptable. Drop him immediately. You don't need to make any explanations to him. Respect yourself. Have some dignity and get out of this situation. You owe it to yourself. There is someone out there waiting to make you his number one. Stop wasting your time on this cheater. I hope he gets found out.

- Response by 3wiltedroses, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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He believes there are stupid women always willing to cheat with him. It doesn't matter if he's involved or married, he'll cheat. Sorry, but you're already getting the short end of the stick. Why are you trying to understand a man cheating with YOU. You should know.

It's for the same reason that you're just fine cheating with him, hoping he loves you and will dump his fiancee. He doesn't feel anything for you. He thinks you're stupid. The minute he marries, he'll seek you out for sex.

That's ALL this is about. He's had some good sex from you for years, and he simply doesn't want to give that up. Please don't confuse this with love. A man can keep a side piece for years. It doesn't mean he's in love with you or *really want* you. Sorry. Move on and meet a man that's available to you.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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When you condone the behavior and keep rewarding him with opening your legs and his fiance is clueless, that's why he continues. It's because HE CAN with no consequences.

He sees his fiance as his wife and future mother of his children and he sees you as... I'm sure you can figure that one out. He may never call you that, but it is the role you've allowed yourself to be in that fulfills him. It's like quitting cigarettes, when the critical time comes, he'll stop. Yet, a time will come where YOU have to be the one that say "NO" and regain your self respect.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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You know there is not future with this man , yet you hang on. NO, it is not is GREED!!!!! He wants his cake and eat it too and you are allowing this. Don't wait for him to drop you, because you know this is coming. Tell him to get lost and find someone who is YOUR. You are only play send to his girlfriend and it will never be any different.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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No, he doesn't love either of you. I doubt he has that capacity. This is about life style choices. He is making his choice for all three of you. If he's not with you, he'll cheat on his wife with other women. He probably does that already. And, remember, if you were the fiancé, someone else would be filling your shoes now. Don't you think you deserve better? Stop letting him make all the decisions, stand up and have some pride in yourself.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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The question isn't "why does he?" The question is "why do YOU?" He is easy to understand. He does what he does because YOU let him. He cares about what you give him, NOT about you. If he had feelings for you and truly cared about you he wouldn't have a fiancee. You have no self respect and he has no respect for you. He is using you for sex on the side and you are telling him you are not worth more than that. You are fooling yourself by thinking he cares and he is making a fool out of you, and you let him. It isn't a very difficult situation to figure out, or to get out of. It is for YOU because you don't have any self respect. If you did YOU would END it. Why are you letting him call the shots? You really need to stop allowing him to use you. Get some self respect and find a man who is single!

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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A better question is what would a woman continue to date a man who is engaged to someone else? But as for your "BF", he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's made it clear about things, give him credit for that. He does NOT love you, you are his concubine.

- Response by rhonda35, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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what seems impossible to me is (is the question fake) how could a woman go five years without smelling or tasting another woman's beaver on her man??

- Response by wakeforester, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45

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If I were you, ask him to pay your rent or give you some money. If he does do not give all your availability. Be your own boss of what you want, like time, space. Do not give all your time and space, set your own. I'm sure he will get crazy..

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Miami, Student

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He is using you and he has no respect for women. The fact that you are okay with him having a girlfriend he will always keep you around even when get gets married. Why not? If you are going to stoop to his level. Move on! and stay away from men with girlfriends and wives. Women like you make it so easy for men to cheat. You have such a low self esteem. He probably has a third or a fourth woman too. I am sure he sleeps with anyone that lets him. You wasted 5 precious years.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Miami, Other Profession

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" Unfortunately I will be coming out on the short end once he marries his girlfriend "

No Darlin. You are already coming out on the short end of this. You are providing a no-strings arrangement, where this guy can sleep with two women and never be concerned about any ramifications.

What I don't get, is how you could even LIKE him. He is a liar and a cheater (you cannot be one without the other). And, if you had him to yourself, he would cheat on you too.

Who wants a guy like that in their life?

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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He's doing it because he can and the fiance already knows.... Just another great marriage in the making!

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55

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