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I feel so sad because it's not what I thought it would be:(.
Dating / 5:37 PM - Wednesday March 06, 2013

I feel so sad because it's not what I thought it would be:(.

I have been with my bf for 2 years. Things have been ok all couples have their ups & Downs. What makes me sad is that we both gave up things we do because we are in a relationship & no longer live the single life. Well he has been doing is playing his video games sleeping all day & not wanting to go to work. He talks about us getting married but hasn't made any steps to wanting to get a promise ring. He says he can't afford it but spends hundreds on video games. It just hurts me inside I do love him but I feel so disappointed. Is it wrong for wanting more out of this relationship.I sacrifice some things to better our relationship & said maybe I should find other things to do but he doesn't agree at all. At times I feel like I'm being used to me a relationship should be 50/50. I thought I had found the man of my dreams.

Update: March 06, 2013.
I am 40 he is 33 & yes once I got into the relationship I gave up the bar scene. Going out was a luxury for me didn't do much of it.He supports his self barely. Haven't ended the relationship just yet.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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well that sucks but it's good you do love him well if i was your man i would definately meet you 50/50 tell him theres more to life than just video games of course im a gamer myself but i have a life outside the gamer world and if you were my girl i would spend time with you then just boring video games let me know what you think of my comment ok thanks :)

- Response by singleguy320, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Other Profession

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Looks like you've got a man-sized 33-year-old boy on your hands...and boys do not know how to prioritize. You would know this already, though, since he throws money away on video games but claims he can't afford a promise ring for you. Oh, and hun? You're 40. 40's not old...but it's not the age where you want to be waiting around for an over-sized boy to decide what he wants to do with his life (and with you) when he "grows up". I say you ditch couch-potato boy and find yourself a guy who is mature, focused, and knows exactly what he wants. Good luck.

- Response by prettismile, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Artist / Musician / Writer

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A "promise ring"? What 40 year old uses the term "promise ring"? Shouldn't it be an "engagement ring"? A promise ring is for high schoolers.

Given his propensity to be forever immature, maybe he isn't the right guy. He certainly doesn't sound like a "man", but a "boy". And I don't see giving up the "bar scene" as a qualifying sacrifice. Now if you gave up hobbies and events you truly liked to do, shame on you. You should NEVER give up those things you like to do for someone else because that causes you to lose your integrity and who you are.

You need to re-evaluate this relationship and stop being in denial of who and what he really is. If you do stay in the relationship, realize that he is NOT ready for marriage whatsoever as he doesn't demonstrate maturity or responsibility on both a personal level and a financial level.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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Are you 12 or just enjoy writing fake posts?

- Response by kalicalendar16, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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Time to set him free. You're no spring chicken and you've already wasted two years with this idiot.

I would encourage you to read the books on dating and relationships by Dr. Neil Clark Warren. He's the EHarmony Dude. Date or Soulmate will help you identify the key factors which are necessary for you to be happy and satisfied in a relationship and how to identify during the first date if the gentleman possesses those character traits or not.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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You are right he was useing you and you are right about a relationship being a 50/50 to and yes it dose hurt to being treated like this plus you did the right thing by endeding the relationship you should be treated better then this way to.

- Response by pawsbuddy04, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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What do you mean you gave up things you do? Like what? I can see giving up bar hopping..if you're in a relationship---but other activities....make you who you are.
He sounds like a low acheiver. A bum even. Are you supporting him while he sits home on his ass and plays video games?
WHY would you want to marry this guy?!

- Response by bobbysg1rl, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Medical / Dental

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He sounds like he may be clinically depressed. When is the last time he has seen a doctor? He also may be addicted to video games.

He needs professional help and if he is not willing to seek it you should leave.

- Response by roxygoldfish34, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Sorry to hear but life is NOT a rehersal..do what makes you happy. Many times it takes time to really know someone and by the time you do...years have passed..been there done that..good luck.

- Response by hwyrider, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Retired

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I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting more and better for yourself. If you're not getting out of this relationship what you initially thought you would or wanted, then cut your losses and move on. If spending his entire day playing video games is more important, then that's where his priorities are. And if I were you, I wouldn't be looking to get a promise ring from any man. You want a man that's going to make good on his promise (via actions AND words) and present you with an engagement ring (preferably one that you've chosen together). At 33, it's apparent he may not be ready for the same type of commitment as you.

- Response by Veronica71276, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Clearly this man is the stuff of nightmares. It's time to kick him out. He is depressed, unmotivated, and not interested in improving his lot. He's has the ideal situation - a free place to live and a woman who cooks and cleans for him. If that is what he wants - you can send him back to his mother's. this is NOT the man for you. Plus if you are so strongly lamenting your single days, you are not ready to wed either.

I am married, but I still do do many things. I work and I sing in a glorious choir and I am involved in so many volunteer projects.

Seek counseling for you to find out why you would put up with such a waste of a man.

- Response by graziella, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I am 49 and have had boyfriends like this sadly. Yes! He is using you! Manipulating you. He is lazy. I believe he is dragging you along by whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Yes, it is painful for you, but you are in love with a "dream" not the reality of this person. Don't waste anymore of your time. I had two bankruptices because of men like this--stay away from them. Run the other way. More importantly, feel like you are worth something much, much better--because you are!!!! Stay strong!


- Response by blossoming1, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Seattle, Civil Service

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first he is going to have you paying all the bills and probably keep you pregnant.
RED FLAGS
do what you will.

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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