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What to do when your spouse withdrawls money at the ATM with no explanation?
Married Life / 5:08 PM - Wednesday March 06, 2013

what to do when your spouse withdrawls money at the ATM with no explanation?

My spouse is working out of state and is a recovering alcholic. When we talked last night he said he was very tired and was going to bed. When I checked our bank account this morning it was practically empty and when i confronted him he sd he and some co workers went to the bars & clubs. Then his story changed and said he only went to one bar and came back to the hotel. He also couldnt explain why he many so many withdrawls either. Then @ the end he got defensive and was blaming me for being upset. I ofcourse hanged up and xceled the bank cards and had his name off the accounts. I came home and heard the VM he sd he call me tonight & by then i should of be "cooled off." He didnt even beg for my forgiveness or even said sorry.

Update: March 06, 2013.
Thank u all for your honest replies. This isnt the first time he's pulled something like this but this is the last time Im putting up with this. This time is different because we have a small child together and I have to consider him.

- Asked by A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Rochester

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I would go to some AlAnon meetings and also contact an attorney to consider divorce or at least protecting my assets. I certainly would not want solely joint accounts.

He is diseased and you are in for a rocky road if he does not have a pretty solid foundation of sobriety.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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And this all surprises you why? You say he is an alcoholic so for me this is the only explanation I need. He's a drunk which also makes him a liar, more than likely a cheat and possibly abusive. He will destroy your family both financially and emotionally but hey if you want to stay married knowing all of this than you is going to have to quit asking why he does something. You know why!

If it were me and I am not going anywhere then I wouldn't want to know what he was doing. Better to live in denial if you are going to stay married than to know the truth in this situation. You were smart to cancel your ATM card, etc. I would make sure to keep separate accounts from here on out.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I wouldn't know ...I don't think the ATM is the issue. Have you considered a legal separation?

- Response by afirecracker, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Have you considered attending Al-Anon meetings?

Also -- you cannot take him name off of bank accounts without his signature. You need to open a separate account in your name only.

I would encourage you to seek the advice of a qualified attorney. You're gonna need it.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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You better sit down and put your feet up cause you will be waiting a long time for an addict to "beg forgiveness", and as long as you stay with this man it will always be your fault

- Response by rumloverreturns, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Glasgow, Other Profession

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This doesn't sound good.

Since you are married and not just dating, it is worth your time to help him get back on the wagon and stop visiting bars.

Try not to be angry at him because it will only make him defensive- he know he screwed up or he wouldn't be changing his story. When he is sober again, I'm sure he will apologize to you and everyone else he hurt.

About handling money in the future:

My husband and I have separate checking accounts at Citi, so if one of us withdraws lots of cash from an ATM the other spouse isn't left high and dry in an emergency.

Each of us can only withdraw what we have in our individual account. A separate savings account is at another bank, not attached to any ATM card so there is no way it will be spent by accident.

- Response by newyorker80, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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He isn't in recovery any more.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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Here's what you do.

You take all the money out of your joint account and put it in your account (you have your own seperate one, yes?).

Then when he complains, you can say, "If you want to buy booze, you're not using our money to do it. We have a kid to take care of!!!"

- Response by A Player, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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What is his astrology sign?

- Response by fabulous68, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Denver, Home Maker

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