Back to Active Questions

Active Questions

Girlfriend doesn't say 'I love you' often anymore, and the distance bothers her. What should I do?
Dating / 1:05 AM - Wednesday March 06, 2013

Girlfriend doesn't say 'I love you' often anymore, and the distance bothers her. What should I do?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now. We're in a long distance relationship.

I've started noticing lately that I've been saying 'I love you' more often than she does. When we first started dating, the 'I love yous' were said everyday, very frequent. In fact, she said it more than I did.

But now it's the other way around. I say it more, and she says it...at least once every couple of days.

She has been rather depressed lately...we almost broke up a while ago because the distance was getting to be a bit much for her. I'm graduating from college in June, and I told her I would visit the moment I graduated. She said that our relationship had horrible timing, and that she NEEDED me there, and that she wasn't happy with how things are.

We didn't break up, but now she seems more distant. It makes me miserable, not being able to hold her and be there for her, to be able to do things together, to actually go out and enjoy each other's company side by side.

What should I do? Should I not be bothered by her rather infrequent 'I love yous'? What can I do to ease her pain as well as mine?

- Asked by Male, 18-21

Read more about the Rating System


I am trying to keep in mind that you are young and your heart is still very tender...on the other hand, I think you need to see this from an outsider's perspective: She sounds needy, insecure and manipulative to me. Sorry, that is how it reads to me. It's June, as in 3 months from now, not a year or more. "Needs" you? Okay, that is a red flag for me. She likely "needs" counseling is what it is. You are in college, getting an education that will affect your future, and hers if she's in it. You should be concentrating on that, not someone who is manipulating you into feeling bad for her because you cant be there to hold her and make everything alright in her world. A relationship should be two emotionally whole people coming together, not because they need each other but because they want each other.

My husband and I started from an LDR. I will go anon so I can tell you this: he was the needy one. He HAD to see me every weekend, would drive 8 hours just to see me, fly out whenever he could and as soon as he was back to his part of the state, it was "When can I see you again?" I should have heeded the warning signs because marriage to him is very difficult. Neediness has nothing to do with the person that needy person is after, it has to do with their psych issues. They tend to be very self-centered people and typically unhappy in general, lots of whining and complaining.

I am not meaning to dump on your gf but I think this is a big, red flag. She should be supportive of you getting your degree and being mindful to deal with her own insecurities and not put it onto you.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Are you from the same place or will the distance remain even after you graduate. June is not that far off if you are then going to be returning home to where she is. Ask for patience. continue to be thoughtful in your conversations. Send tokens of your affection for her.
No matter what is said it really doesn't replace a person being there with you. It's something to note for future reference.

- Response by joybird, A Career Man, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

aww young love and distance. i am such a sucker for love and i tell you this : just be very reassuring to her. tell her that in time you will be able to enjoy each others company more frequently but your goals and dreams are important too. write her sincere love letters when you are needing her. putting your feelings out there is not easy but if it is sincere they will be reciprocated. good luck! :D

- Response by swtnsxy2, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:


If you really love her, talk to her and ensure her that you are there for her today as well as tomorrow. 3 months are not donkey's years, perhaps something else is bothering her so try and find that out. Help her understand the fact that your exams are important.Have faith.

- Response by believer2806, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, New Delhi

Rating Received:


You have a good reason for the long distance. You are getting an education for yourself which is one of the most important things someone your age can do. I am not sure how far away you and your girlfriend are and how often you see each other. If the distance is not that long (like a few hours drive), you could try to see her as often as possible. If it is farther, than I guess you can only do what you can do.

Finishing school is top priority. June really is not that far away. I am sure she can hang in there a few more months.

- Response by anonymisslady, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

Rating Received:


First thing First...
She has to BE there for ...herself!
...and if your wallet permits ...send her love notes in tha mail!

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Rating Received: