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Married Life / 7:35 PM - Monday March 04, 2013

Advanced help please.

I have these friends. They have 'pet' names for one another and even describe being intimate with a 'cute' name that no-one understands.
I remember being in the first flush of love and did it too but find it now, slightly sickening.
But I'm close to both of them. Very.
The man is very happy in his work, has a lovely fiancé, and is looking forward to his marriage in July. They have a stable home. She has a stressful job that pays very well.
The woman has confided that she would like a lot more music in her work/life balance.
I've tried telling her that you can't make any money in the music industry at the moment and she understands. But I'm certain the silly cow wants to do it anyway. Some things call.
I think the man might have worked out that all is not well in the garden because he just visited and drank 4 cans of Stella and talked about nothing.
He wants both working and having a nice 'straight' life in their up-market apartment. I'm fairly certain that she wants to go on the road with a guitar.
So do I tell them?
I don't think they're going to work it out for themselves because neither wants to upset the other. Should I let them compromise or make each chase their dream?

- Asked by 1jealousguy, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, London, Artist / Musician / Writer

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refuse to talk it to them- advise them to go to premarital counselling and stay out of it

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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No matter if the result is good or it is bad. if you make yourself the third wheel on this bicycle you will be universally hated for eternity. As so often we must tell ourselves: If we don't own the problem, don't get wound up in it.

- Response by rekkonball, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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Well, I don't know if they are close to your age or not, and I think age makes a difference. There is a difference between pursuing a hopelessly unrealistic dream at the age of 20 compared to 45 or 50. If she is 20, maybe it is worth trying. That is the time one has in one's life to chase dreams. In that case, I would say that you should refrain from offering advice on the matter entirely, and just be the beer-drinking buddy who supports his male friend through a difficult, inevitable break-up.

If she is 45+ the dream smacks of mid-life-crisis. But is that so awful? 1 ) If she were a professional musician, could/would her husband support her if she didn't have a successful career anymore? Do they need the income from her successful business career? Could she return to her successful business career if the music didn't work-out? 2) Also, what it sounds like she really wants is attention and admiration, so you might suggest to your buddy that she may feel lonely. 3) Maybe she needs to experience first-hand how difficult the music industry really is. Maybe she could play in a few local bars routinely at night before quitting her day job, then she might see how difficult it is to get a music career started. Even if she were 20 years old, I would say that she should start small--in local bars--and work toward greater "gigs."

- Response by valannetine, A Creative, Female, 36-45

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