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How do I handle my ex if he text messages me on Valentines Day?
Dating / 9:56 PM - Wednesday February 13, 2013

How do I handle my ex if he text messages me on Valentines Day?

I haven't seen my ex boyfriend in just about over a month. We were together for almost 4 years. We never officially sat down and had a conversation about ending anything. We used to spend most of our time together but he started pulling away and things were beginning to happen only on his terms. I realized the pattern after a few weeks of us seeing each other for maybe 2 or 3 days out of the week. I have tried to speak with him about the situation but he refuses to speak about it. The only response was "I always hope things between us get better. I haven't seen any action on his part, just words and not many. The last time we spoke about anything I was getting my things from his house and he had me convinced that he wanted things to work out. I have been very independent for the past few months so I have given him plenty of space but now it's just hurting so I have started no contact even though it's killing me. I have received text messages from him for well over half the days in the month. He has texted me pretty much this whole last week. I have ignored most of them and I have tried to call him but he won't get on the phone. Last time I saw him, he seemed down and was not taking care of his appearance(beard, no haircut, gained a few lbs). I know he has a troubled family life. Now Valentines day is coming and if he texts me I was thinking about texting him back on a nice note. Is that a bad idea? I can't understand how someone you spent all this time with can just dissapear and finds it perfectly okay to contact me only through text. I have called him out about him wanting a friendship with no response. All i get is "im trying to keep things positive." He texted me on our anniversary this month, reminding me "it's the 3rd!" This situation is just so mind baffling. Any advice would be greatly appreciated </3

- Asked by ldski1982, A Life of the Party, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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I F he texts you, just respond nicely as if a friend is wishing your a Happy VD. People leave relationships for a myriad of reasons and, for whatever reason, he felt he needed to end your relationship. As much as people would like an explanation, and after a very long time together, really deserve one, it's not always forthcoming and while it would be the kind thing to do, no one is owed an explanation unless you're married. He seems to be confused about how he feels, so rather than "calling him out" on an explanation, I would just simply tell him that he keeps reminding you of your anniversary clearly trying to keep a relationship alive that he walked out on. Ask him if he wants to resume the relationship and get back together and if he says no, then politely tell him you would appreciate his not texting you messages reminding you of a dead relationship and while you'd like to remain friends, the rest of it needs to stop so you can move on. That is not a conversation you do over a text, that's something you do over the phone. If he texts you, then call him and if he doesn't answer, then leave that message on his machine so he can hear it later or if he's screening, but that's not something you text. Saying that to him may cause him to not contact you anymore, but isn't that better than having him twist you in the wind with reminders of a relationship that he ended? If it's over, then let it be over and move on and tell him that. Not everyone needs to maintain a friendship with an ex. It's just not necessary. Some people, when they go, just need to be gone, so everyone can move on.

- Response by diznykd, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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Judging from the fact that he still contacts you, it appears as though he isn't fully ready to move on...that could be because he still loves you, or because he's stringing you along just in case whatever other options he has don't work out...either way, this is no way for him to treat a woman he has been with for four years. He at least owes you an explanation as to why he has suddenly begun to behave this way. About Valentine's day, if he messages you, text him back with a polite "Thank you for texting" and leave it at that...after the way he has treated you, he doesn't deserve anything else.

- Response by prettismile, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Artist / Musician / Writer

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My recentest ex cut me off from ever contacting her. I wasn't even doing it very much, either. It's what I've experienced from most women-- No Contact means NO CONTACT, ever again.
I'll never understand what their issue is, either.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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Handle this the same way you have handled similar messages on other days. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. If not, don't.

- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Cleveland

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