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Says he wants to be friends with benefits & only going to sleep with me, nobody else. Why not date?
Sex & Intimacy / 8:46 PM - Monday February 11, 2013

Says he wants to be friends with benefits & only going to sleep with me, nobody else. Why not date?

We have been friends for years.. liked him since highschool. I had been married to another guy but he cheated and we "broke up" on our terms but not legally. He knew that and had asked to be FWB so I agreed at first.. we didn't see eachother often because I'm busy with work and my child and he had a lot going on too, but we started in Dec 11 and last was sep 12 .. maybe 7 times in that year.. it would have been more but we would back out a lot because we would agree then change to being just friends again, then wed hangout and would want to again.. and it seemed any time one of us couldnt make it out the other said forget it all. & when he was here we literally stayed up all night talking and laughing and i loved it more than anything. but he doesnt do the whole cuddling or anything either. part of me feels like he wants to cuz one time he laid his head on my legs while we were talking but always says he doesnt like it. Ive never tried knowing that, no matter how bad i just wanted to snuggle up to him. Hes never had a serious relationship, so i dont want to push anything on him. hes been with a few people sexually but hes been a good friend for a while before this all.. so i dont thnk im just a booty call.. he tells me he just wants to be with me out of respect as already being friends.. and we have all the same friends (who dont know) so id def hear about the girls cuz im "one of the guys" in the group pretty much. they dont think to hold that stuff back.. so if thats true about only me, why not date? I dont get it. Its like he wants me but doesnt.. how do i change that? Weve never kissed, either. Its always just sex. Im too scared to make the first move for anything knowing he never dates. & he makes comments when hes mad like "im sure you have other guys you can call" and "you dont need me" "youre better off without me" i feel like hes fighting his own battles or maybe hes jealous of guy friends flirting with me in public cuz they dont know whats gone on but idk because he never says anything at all about his feelings. i dont know if those are jerk texts or insecure.. hes very hard to understand and is not good with opening up about feelings with anyone at all. he avoids conflict all together. we hangout at the same bar and I ALWAYS catch him looking at me but we wont talk anymore because I told him maybe we should stick to just friends since we bounce back and forth. I really wish I could have real chance with him not FWB, it makes me feel disrespected. & when i said that i just wanted to be friends cuz idw get hurt he said "maybe we should not hangout for a while so its not awkwarD" then he told me were not friends and probably never will be in a text when i saw him at the bar. I dont understand why.. weve been able to do it before. Does he actually have feelings for me that I dont notice and he cant handle being just friends? His signals are so mixed, acting like he doesnt care but seemingly making jealous / insecure comments and always managing to want to do things again.. but its always as a secret cuz he hates the drama are friends bring in. I just feel like that sounds weird being a secret.. so i get insecure and moody and we argue over petty things. I dont know what to do. I wish i never slept with him because i dont want him out of my life, but i really care about him and even though he acts all bipolar i have this feeling in me that he cares about me and wont admit it. It's weird. I don't know how to get him to want to be with me, openly. HELP!! I dont want to lose a friend, i wish i could take it all back.. or i wish i knew how to get a real chance. Im so lost! missjbri@yahoo.com

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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He acts like he just wants a fwb.If he wanted more he would be dating you and not keeping it a secret. You deserve real love not just sex.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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