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Would you stay in a sexless relationship with a person you were otherwise happy with?
Dating / 11:59 PM - Thursday January 31, 2013

Would you stay in a sexless relationship with a person you were otherwise happy with?

My boyfriend of 9 years and I have a good life. We share the same interests, have our own silly private jokes and love each other's company.

But we never have sex.

I just don't feel that kind of attraction to him. I'm not sure I ever did. Even in the beginning of our relationship the sex felt forced. A few years ago we used to argue about it a lot - how he had to instigate it every time - but now he seems to have just given up. He still tells me he loves me every day, and says sweet things like I make him SO happy and that he couldn't imagine his life without me.

While I couldn't imagine my life without him, I miss sex SO much. I dream about it almost every night, and can't believe how long it's been since I last had sex (probably 3 years).

I am not sure what to do and would love some advice.

Please, oh god I beg you don't ask me why we're not married like so many others do. It's 2013. NOT EVERYONE wants to get married. ;)

- Asked by Female, 46-55

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I was in a sexless marriage. I loved him and always will in some way. But that's not intimacy. It's a friendship. He was always awed by breast implants, blonde hair and long legs ...I guess like most guys, but that doesn't change the fact that we were just friends. I'd rather be able to honestly say I'm single and have a friend than lie and say I have a lover and taken when I'm not.

It's up to you. Sometimes examples stray us from them, so maybe ill be that for you or the polar opposite. But anyways, I really try to enjoy mysf and do a lot of times, even though
I know I'm not beautiful physically, my belief system is that it matters what's's a core belief so it's not changed by experiences. Good luck in what you decide.

- Response by afirecracker, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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No, I wouldn t.

To me, sex is one of the main reasons I want to have a mate for.

Men I get well along with can be my friends. No sex there.

- Response by sailormoon, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Life is too short to not be happy in all areas of your life. You are best friends but not lovers. Why don't you both be happy and find someone that fulfills you in all areas?

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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If you miss sex THAT much either there is a problem of chemistry here or there is a deeper psychological problem. I would have told you to look into a hormonal issue but you desire sex...just not with him.
In terms of chemistry you state that even in the beginning sex felt forced by you...another words you submitted but weren't really very desiring of him. When we talk about having good chemistry most people don't understand that this phenomenon is about the unconscious detection of pheromones that tell women a man's immunological system is very different from her own. It's part of biological attraction.

But I know exactly what you are talking about. And it's not a small problem. Sex makes us vital. It has too many health benefits to list for this post but they ARE numerous.

You have only two options force yourself into a routine of almost nightly sex activity until it becomes so routine that you don't think about it....OR
You consider ending this relationship in favor of the kind of relationship you might not find...but I hope you would.

You may think things are fine even though there is no sex...but this is how it works....there is no sex and he is fine until someone else pitches him heavily and puts all the right moves on him....and then there is going to be sex and not with you.
Or you could find this happening to you. And then what?

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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You don't know what you have until it's gone. He got tired of it and now you miss it... why don't you just tell him? maybe it's your turn to do the "begging". There's nothing wrong with that. But, honestly... 3 years? he must be getting it somewhere else!
Get him tested before you do anything.

- Response by randomx0x0, A Thinker, Female, 18-21, Los Angeles

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Would I stay? Tried but it finaly got the best of me. Married 20yrs and expected to be "loving" 24/7, while rationed when allowed to, eventually drove me nuts. 20yrs later I've raised my children and promised myself a woman to "love" me as much, and often, as I would her to ever tye that knot again. Found some great ladies who'd "love" a guy to death to catch him, just none who would to keep him. With time they all refer to that as "sex" and put me on a ration. Today I've been with one lady over 10yrs, not married, wont even live together. Lets me ration "time" more according to her ration for "sex". keeps me free to just be me 6-8days a week and really ups the odds I'll get to "love" her once we gat togethers as she rations out some "sex".

Might note here that "marriage" was to owning a home as "shack'n up" has been to renting. Either is a comfrotable life in good times, the difference comes in the bad. The renter has it easy when it's time to cut and run, the owner not so much. Most anything owned will be defended to the bitter end. Not so much when it wasn't really yours to start with.

- Response by fluff47, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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- Response by king313, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Technical

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sounds like it will never be good enough for you , you will be chasing something else your whole life .

- Response by headscratching, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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