Back to Active Questions

Active Questions

My boyfriend is all talk and no action.
Dating / 3:47 AM - Thursday January 24, 2013

My boyfriend is all talk and no action.

I feel like he's defying my wants and needs out of the relationship. And I tell him what I want and need, I do not tell him to do it, I just provide the information than it's up to him, or if he asks what he can do then I tell him.

But...

I just told him: you say you care, you love me, but I don't really see it in your actions, you say you'll do this that and the other and you almost never do it, you're mostly talk.
( He got really pissed at me for saying that )

I do not know what to do, some of these things that I want or need I just can't be in a relationship without ( be it romantic or otherwise ) and it's mostly common sense, that any decent person would do or get it. But he doesn't even get it why I expect this of him...

He does say he wants to work on certain things, and I believe he honestly wants to, but he rarely follows through on what he says, so I do not know what to believe anymore... I'm starting to ask myself if I'm wasting my time here, but I seriously don't wanna let go of this, cause we've come so far ( since we are so so different we were practically in a war zone in the beginning ) and I feel I grew so much since I'm in this relationship, tried to better myself, to be more understanding, worked on my temper, the situation I was in kinda forced me to ( and I'm glad it did ) and he did make wanna be a better person. And he's grown as too, we both did, together. But when it comes to this all talk no action thing... it's always been there, and he won't admit it so of course he won't work on it...

I don't wanna change him, if that's who he is... but I don't think I can live with this for the rest of my life, and I don't wanna waste my time, or his. And I even told him this before, he just says he'll try and work on things... but ... just talk
Or he might change things for like a week or two than back "normal".

Any advice?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

Read more about the Rating System


Actions speak louder than words, that's all you need to know. But I did notice you wrote it was a war zone to begin with because of your differences, this shouldn't have been the case if there was mutual respect between the two of you

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

Rating Received:


There is no easy answer here. He's a good guy but not a good boyfriend. You are also good but not happy. The thing you have to realize is that he is not the only one who is all talk, no action. You put yourself in the same position when your repeated conversations go no where. You do want him to change and if he is unable to do that, give yourself a deadline. Take action and end the misery.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

If you really want to know how much a man loves you, see what he does for you, his actions. Nice words and promises can be heard everywhere, even from a guy you just meet in a bar.

Sometimes it s easier to see it in other persons. Think of your sister or best friend. If she were exactly in the same situation as you are now, what would be your advice for her?

- Response by sailormoon, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

Rating Received:


Things won't change unless he changes. Don't wait around for changes.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Luckily he is a "boyfriend" and not a husband. If you do not see yourself with him the rest of your life, it's time to go window shopping for someone that "fits" to you better. Good luck. =0)

- Response by uasked, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Veterinary

Rating Received:


What exactly are you asking of him? He just might not be 'that guy' that meets your expectations because it's just not in his character.

- Response by nonnahsvd, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

Rating Received:


you already figured it is his natural tendencies . so he wont change that part about him. so either you except him with his faults without giving up. maybe be a bit more vocal on what you want at the times you want it cause he cant read minds. or you move forward ready to upgrade.

- Response by superbussell, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Detroit, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received: