May leave love of my life because lack of parenting her kid.....
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Left my gf because of her kid....?
I can't believe I'm writing this.
I'm a 39 yr old self employed business man with no kids. I met a women I knew years ago 8 months ago. We moved in together 6 months ago with her 8 yr old son. He seemed to be a good kid until the last few months. She refuses to tell him no and says she does not want to hurt him. His dad left when he was 2 and is not involved in his life. We sat down and talked about his behavior issues months ago and again 3 weeks ago. Her best friend for 25 yrs even came over to,tell her she has never seen her discipline the kid properly other than 1 time his entire life. The friend has been there since the boys birth. She is also a social worker with troubled kids. My gf agreed and says she can see now that she has been hurting him by trying to protect him all there years.
I told her I was there to support her and help anyway I could. All I wanted was for her to be consistent with some form of discipline. That as long as he had structure in his life we would start to see improvements.
This is a kid that disrespects his cousins, grandmother/ father, mom everyone. Even tried to kick me in my privates horse playing. My gf thinks it cute and did not see it. Everything he has is better than yours, refuses to share, throws tantrums, only plays rough with cousins always brags about hurting them. Talks negative about teachers, friends, the guys who work for me etc. he decides what we listen to on the radio, tv, what we eat etc.
So after the intervention she has made no changes. Yesterday was a day from hell. He was told no 10 times or more and paid no attention. I try not to do the discipline as I feel it's to early in our relationship. I try and let her take the lead then back her when talking to him. It hard to back her up when she does not see it! This kid is begging for structure but has none. She can not bring herself to get mad at him. I have never seen her get angry with him and trust me he has done plenty. She has a bad temper and her whole family will tell you that, she will scold her sisters kids in a heart beat but no hers.
Sitting watching all this and feeling I can do nothing has lead to anxiety attacks which I never have suffered from. It's affecting my work, my health.
So I left today for a trial separation. I am to the point I can't stand to be around him. I have to sit and watch him disrespect his mother and say nothing. I have said plenty in the past and it now sounds like I'm beating a dead horse. I know she's tired of hearing me and immtired of an 8 yr old ruling my life.
Tell me I'm crazy!
Note: I said he seemed to be a good kid until the last few months. He has had behavior issues all his life, this did not just start. I noticed it more the last few months after seeing what it was doing to me. I thought it may get better but continues to get worse. What happens when he's 12,13? Whew I shiver to think of the hell he will put his loved ones through.
This is not the kids fault, it's moms. Also she brought in her friend as a mediator thinking she would side with her and she did not.
I love her like crazy but am afraid this is a deal breaker.
- Asked by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45