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How do I stop my husband from spending money
Married Life / 5:17 AM - Tuesday October 09, 2012

How do I stop my husband from spending money

My husband spends money quicker than he can make it. Example, we just got paid on Friday it's Monday and all we have left is 200 to last for the next 2 weeks. Before he would lblame his spending on "bills". I've taken over all bill paying, took the credit cards away and put him on an allowance. He decided to go to my bank and get a debit card. I really do not know what else to do. The money is like water in his hands. I have an upcoming surgery so my check won't be available for 6 weeks. I just can't make it cLear enough for him that his spending has to stop. He spends more money on him than on our children. I sometimes have to be scrounging change to buy food for my kids because he decided to buy a 400 dollar helmet for a motorcycle he wants to get in the future and of course he needed the 200 dollar boots too. I'm loosing sleep and always stresseed over this. What can I do?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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You may have to close accounts and open in ur name only then give him an allowence.asa ask your husband if he agrees. Marriages fail because of money and communicationsissues. Talk to him try to make it work and maybe talk to a counselor to see what is going on behind the spending. Sorry to hear this is stressful. Hang in there.

- Response by carrie1anne1, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Hes a clown...take the helmet and Boots back to the store ...get your refund.....tell him to grow up or he will be paying child support and Living off of half what he makes now..... I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!!!! Good luck with your Surgery

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Go to the Dollar Tree and get some poster boards and magic markers. Write in bid red letters what the bills are, when they are due, and subtract the bill amounts from the budget.Hang the posters in your bedroom.
Go to the bank,talk to the banker, and cancel his debit card. Make it clear that your husband has a problem with money and that if he goes to the bank to extract any money, you are to be called immediately.
Take a picture of the helmet and boots. Take a picture of your children eating dinner. Put this on a poster board with the magic marker letters asking your husband, "You are taking food out of your children's mouths, do you care about your kids?"
"The helmet and boots for a bike you do not have can buy enough groceries for a month, if not longer."
Take your husband to a credit couselor just to talk about why he feels like he just has to have material things, I think you'll find that your husband has some real deep-rooted problems that happened to him when he was growing up.
We are here for you, let us knoow what happens.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Houston, Consulting

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You are doing pretty well. Now you need to open another account for all the regular money. If you can't trust him, make it only in your name. Put his allowance in the account accessible to the "debit" card. Thus, if he overspends, it hit's his account.

He sounds very immature. You may also need to schedule bimonthly family meetings to go over finances.

Good luck and God bless

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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I am so sorry - its stressful. Suggest a visit to a financial counselor.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Get a separate bank account where you are the only person with access and sign up for direct deposit...Do it before your go out of work for your surgery so that the checks can go to that bank account.

- Response by cocoacurevelous, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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You can leave him and find a real man.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Celebrity

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he's an idiot who only seems to care about himself. I HATE STUPID PEOPLE TOO!

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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This could be a sign of personality disorder...narcissistic personality disorder for example. It could be a symptom of depression or mania. It could be a quasi shopping or a high attributed to the novelty of new things.
or he could just be exhibiting a rebellious and willful unwillingness to join with you around basic needs instead of his wants.
No matter what it is..we know it's destructive. I dealt with similar in my own marriage and damned near divorced over it because of financial ruin. My advice to other women has been pretty emphatic if they are young...divorce. Make it so they can't not support you by having their wages garnished for your spousal support and their child support. Make it so you get half their pension and social security and so that you continue to get medical coverage for yourself and your children.
If it's garnished than he can no longer rip the rug out from under you.
You can always stay in relationship with him if you want but he will be held legally accountable for his actions.

Otherwise you really have no options in terms of controlling his behavior. You can't force someone else to change. You can make them wish they had changed though.

My route was having an affair and making it pretty clear that I could and would leave him for someone else. It was his wake up call after 14 years of the kind of nonsense you described. And still he attempted to make things stay the same. I just stopped playing his game and picking up the pieces of his financial irresponsibility. Don't wait like I did until you loose your home and savings and financial stability.
I now also control all of the banking. But he still has control of his check should he decide to just withdraw all of it or get another credit card and run up the charges.
But he knows now that I would leave in a heartbeat.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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