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Can two people who have feelings for each other be just friends (please read details)?
Friendship / 11:43 PM - Sunday July 01, 2012

Can two people who have feelings for each other be just friends (please read details)?

I'm falling for my brother's best friend, and we have discussed our feelings for each other on multiple occasions. He's had a girlfriend, so nothing has ever come of these feelings, but last night he told me he didn't think we could ever be together. He cited fear of losing both our very close relationship, and fear of how my brother would react as reasons. I need advice. Thank you in advance.

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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Only if you can accept it for what it truly is. A two sided crush that was not meant to go anywhere. He cares about you and respects you and your brother enough not to jeopardize the closeness you all do share. You both have confessed interest but don't have history and have maintained boundaries, so it is possible to value his friendship if you can set your romantic feelings aside for friendship's sake. Don't know if he still has a gf but you should be respectful of that too if he is unavailable. If he is available you could fess up to your bro-your feelings, not the friends- to see what he thinks without expecting him to feel any which way about it. It can be touchy but it's understandable how your attachment could grow. Your bro might not like the idea of sharing his bff with his sister or how it would affect him if things turned sour.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Community Rating: Community Star

I think YOU have feelings for HIM.

While HE is not about to destroy his friendship/relationship with his "bro" for a girl. See, you're thinking happily ever after,he's thinking WHEN we break up, I'm gonna lose a heck of a lot more than she will.

It's like dating a co-worker. "Don't poop where you eat" In this case, "don't date family"

HE IS family. He's your brother's best friend. He's at your house as much as he's at his own.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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That's really only something that you can answer. If you can't just be friends with him then limit your contact with him and try to meet new people. I don't think anyone can really tell you because its different for each person. I could just be friends with someone I like if there is no potential relationship that is going to happen. So you need to aask yourself if you're comfortable with it.

- Response by bellarose03, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Food Service

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I don't think so. All of my past and present girlfriends I could never be just friends with. I am actually okay with that because it is the truth. Even with ones dating back to grammar school we ran into each other when we were seniors in high school and we were no longer involved but we knew we were romantic in the past and we just couldn't look at each other in a pure friends way.
This situation comes up frequently on TV. Carrie and Big from Sex and the City are a good example of how people with feelings for each other cannot be just friends.
Knowing this, it will be tough with your situation. You will have to decide what do you want more and who is more important and deal with whatever backlash if any. Good luck.

- Response by headsup38, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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There's no advice to give you other than to respect his feelings feelings and leave it alone. He has feelings for you but he's weighing how strong those feelings are and whether it's worth risking the friendship over. What he's telling you in so many words is that he treasures your friendship and whatever romantic feelings he has for you are not strong enough that a relationship is possible or would work. So just stay his friend, don't try and change his mind and be happy with that. Guys come and go but friends last a lot longer and if he's a good friend it's better to stay friends than push him into a relationship he doesn't want and create bad feelings.

- Response by diznykd, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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first and foremost i would like to apologize for the late response as i have been very busy. now to answer your question,i never give just an answer i try to relate in the closest way possible so you can see how and why i came to the conclusion i have and share it with you.

your brothers best friend he is a statu of fear simply because what you to share as the moment is very precious to him, and the possibility of that coming to an end for either something going wrong in the potential relationship or your brother may or may not accept the idea. but then again it is his best friend and he just might see it as the greatest person for you as he knows how he is in many prspectives. personally i have always seen fear and hope as two parts of a whole, even if they seem different as day and night are. see hope can drive a person to tread forward be it slow and cautious or brave and steady, and yet fear can paralyze a person or they can face that fear overcome it and can gain courage for without courage you cannot have fear. i can relate to your situation because i have two bestfriends and they are both beautiful and wonderful girls, but their younger brother is my best friend almost a brother and he has an older brother and he is the same to me, i had an immense amount of feelings for one but the idea and risk was not worth taking in my eyes simply because there was too much at stake, one can only imagine how hard it can be to spend almost all your life with friend fall in love and choose to say nothing and in the end my silence prooved to be good in that she ended up meeting a wonderful guy and had a kid now their relationship did not workout shortly thereafter but her kid is just an amazing person, so you see it all comes down to how you feel and how he feels, when the time is right you will both lnow, i hope my answer has helped you if any on a different perspective, best of wishes to you and yours, feel free to ask me any questions you migt have and i will answer to the best of my ability,
-always Texas

- Response by cacopaul89, A Creative, Male, 26-28, Self-Employed

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