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Shouldn't I be happy?
Sex & Intimacy / 1:59 PM - Monday June 25, 2012

Shouldn't I be happy?

My family moved into a house with 3 bedrooms and a basement, which was made into another bedroom for my mother-in-law. The paying situation goes like this I pay the rent. My wife and her mother pay the utilities. Now here's the problem. My wife wants our children to go to another school district, because the one that we are in now is threatening to cut off kindergarten. So she now wants to mve to a new house before school opens in September, however our lease doesn't end until October plus the rent of where they want to move is about 3500. We pay 2100 now. Not to mention the utilities in this house .. In Oder to move,we need two months rent and security. Thats nearly 10,000. My mother is thinking about taking money from her 401k to contribute to this expense. My wife is also pregnant so she wont be able to contribute like she did before. But, Its a very nice place and all our kids would be getting the best for education. So shouldn't I be happy?

Update: June 26, 2012.
First and foremost, I would like to thank that has responded to my question and I took everyone's opinion into consideration. I suggested to my wife that maybe we should look at other houses and THEN make a a desicions before we jump and put all of our money into this house . I thought I gave out good on why we should wait. The points that I gave were: 1. The required to move in would a huge chunk that we don't have right now. At least 8-$10,000. 2. There are other places to see if we can get a better deal. 3. As far as education goes there are other places we can go, that offer the same things. It doesn't have just one school district that we have to get in to. 4. Not only to mention if we try to move now we'd be breaking our lease that we currently have. I brought a few other but in a nutshell: They didn't see these as valid points at all. I really don't know if I want to put my money into this expensive house,right now.

- Asked by Male, 29-35

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No. Because your wife is attempting to make the important financial decisions regarding your lives. If the decision to cut kindergarten has not been made and in effect, who cares about threats. I'm sure if they do, it will not be before you're able to honor your lease agreement. Then, you can leave and not have to pay the extra fees for breaking your lease.

Your mother should not be taking money out of her 401K to contribute to your wife's desires. She will not be contributing much financially. Therefore, this decision should not be just her desires. You have to think sensible. The stress of the money that will need to be spent, your mother using her 401k, and the extra $1400 a month plus bigger house mean higher utilities!

Who would be "happy" in that situation? She would, but would everyone else after all of your finances get gobbled up? I believe it's more about the NICER place. Your kids are doing fine. Just because the house is NICER doesn't necessarily mean a "better" education. You have to think sensibly. It can't just be about what she want.

Because, the financial stress that could come from this, might end up destroying your marriage. The stress of this would not be good for your children. So, I'd say you all need to agree on what's best for everyone. Good luck.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Why *should* you be happy? You are getting yourself into a situation that is going to put a serious financial strain on you and your family, at a time when you're expecting another child and your expenses will go up even MORE.

If it was me, I wouldn't make this move. You can DRIVE your kids to kindergarten in another district or put them in private kindergarten, and then transfer them to a closer school for first grade. Worst case scenario: have the kids SKIP kindergarten and go directly into first grade. You can tutor them a few days a week in kindergarten-type lessons if you're afraid they'll be behind when they start school.

Your mother robbing her 401K for this is also a bad BAD idea. The tax ramifications for her could be severe.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Don't dig yourself in a hole you may never get out of.If you get stuck in that hole you will never be happy.

- Response by bobboy, A Jock, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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If they are merely "threatening" to cut off kindergarten it'll never happen by September. I'm not sure where you live but isnt kindergarten state mandated???


- Response by youngfuddyduddy, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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You aren't happy because you know the bottom line is you could end up financially responsible all on your own, after being beholden to another for what could potentially be considered a loan.

You really have to sit down with your wife and go over your finances carefully, both current and predicted. Now you are thinking about kindergarten but childrens' needs and expenses grow as fast as they do.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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Any time you are paying for rent, and especially that high, no, not happy! How come you are not looking at buying your own place? I don't know what city you are in, but that kind of rent rate seems too high to me.

It's good that you are thinking of your kids first, but you sound like you'll be house poor. How come you can't move in October and bus your kids for the first month? Where I live kids can go to any school they want, it really does not matter where you live.

- Response by stupidgdlkg, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Edmonton, Technical

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No. No one is happy when they are financially strapped and sounds like you would be if you did this move. Not to mention you'd be under some kind of "mental" obligation, if not financial, to your MIL as she would need to take money from her 401K for this to happen.

Look at the other options too: $2100 to 3500 is a big jump. I bet you can stay where you are and find a private school that costs less than $1400 per Month! If nothing else, you can find a good preschool or after-school private tutoring institute or something to make up for whatever the current School system could be lacking.

Consider as well: This is just RENTING. Don't you want to buy a house one day? You can save almost $17000 per year if you saved that $1400 increase and be ready to buy a home in 2 years or less! Furthermore, there's a lifestyle increase that comes with living in certain areas. Pretty soon Wifey will want to join these little specialty clubs, hire house cleaners, go to exclusive gym to 'get back in shape', then it's "we need a 'better' car which means luxury car, etc. There's nothing wrong with any of that if you can afford it but since you don't have the money to even move there without borrowing from MIL, then you can't afford to live there.

It's amazing how people allow their much less or absolutely non-financially contributing spouses to make so many financial decisions that lead to MORE money being spent! Why can't you say "Honey, we need to wait a year and see if the Kindergarten program is actually strapped AND if we can really afford that? Plus we'll have time to save the $$ without inconveniencing your Mother. With a baby coming, less income coming, lease having to be broken, it's just not the best time for that kind of sacrifice". Think of the longer term greater good of the family and make a decision as the head of the household because you clearly know this is not best for your family right now. Don't let these women and their desire for an image you can't yet afford at your young ages, drive your family into the poorhouse! Poor, angry, depressed= divorced. How's that good for anyone?

Don't put yourself in the position to be one of these people who are barely scrapping by with jobs and then the loss of one or even a slight loss of income, puts you down in the pits, standing in food lines.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Wow, for that kind of money you could have a mortgage below that amount!! That is crazy to pay that much in rent every month ....just a thought.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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Dude, its time to MAN UP and tell your Wife that she has LOST HER MOTHERFUCKING MIND and YOU aint about to do a damn thing. Dont let her get you ALL FUCKED UP about money. BE SMART and BE A FUCKING MAN!!!!!!!! Thats your job.

Now put her in her place and let her know that YOU and everyone else has to make the best of your current situation.

- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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at your age if mom is pitching in you should be over joyed

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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My suggestion is to make the best suggestion with the most common sense. Why spend money that you don't have. Also, don't ever take your in-laws money. That is hers and hers only. Do you know how many people don't have a retirement fund? Don't do that to her. The economy is not stable. Since you will be the bread winner, you should sit down and write up a plan to what is needed. So you don't go over your head. I know you will find a place that you can still afford. Number two is on the way.

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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