You seriously need to stop looking for a reason that he is not the one, or the guy you met, or expect him to change and become who you think he needs to be... honestly you are likely looking for reasons right now and that's just part of a relationship cycle that is hard to see when you're mired in it... you are not accepting him as he is and you are wanting newness, change, excitements and are likely locked in the power phase of a relationship where you are both trying to figure out things... it's not a fun time honestly... I'd guess you are together now between 2-9 years married?
You can work on trying to better understand the dynamics at work instead of the person... when you attack a person or point your thoughts/energies/upset at a person and begin to find the faults in them it ALWAYS says more about you than them... and I'm not trying to be anything but helpful here... if he's a decent type fellow and IS a good guy then this is nothing more than that awful phase some relationships go through and it is make it or break it time... I'd also ask you if you accept him as he is or do you see instead who he potentially could be? That becomes that self fulfilling prophecy and he'll never measure up.. which is just not fair to him... it's this strange dynamic that marriage presents... you have this amazing love in the beginning and then it morphs into something bad.. honestly I'd say you've neglected your marriage and so has he for it to come to these points... you both need to dedicate here... read a book called 10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships and also read The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands... these are not perfect books but you'll read them and you'll be surprised how much resonates and you'll maybe work on some changes that will help...
Marriage is no picnic and you have to work hard at it... it's just the dynamics at work... so it's not really "him" as much as that dynamic you are at war with... it's working to undermine your faith in him and it's trying to break you... so you gotta fight for it... hang tough now...
- Response by timeforanoverhaul
, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed
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