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My boyfriend wants space... Does that mean he is gone forever?
Dating / 3:34 PM - Friday May 11, 2012

My boyfriend wants space... Does that mean he is gone forever?

My boyfriend said he wanted space. Of course I grilled him about what that meant and for how long and he couldn't answer those questions for me. It is so hard to not talk to him. I have done nothing but text and call and annoy him for the past 2 days and i know this is not good but I am so scared. I am scared that he will never call and that he will move on. He said that he wouldn't, that he would tell me if that was what he wanted, but I can't help but feel like this was his way of breaking up with me so that I would actually leave him alone instead of calling him all the time crying.

I am an emotional mess. I don't know what to do.

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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The harder push,
The harder he's gonna pull away.
You can't make someone want to be with you.

- Response by stanorocks, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Denver, Therapist

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Community Rating: Community Star

You worry too much. Just relax.

- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

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Look, there's nothing you can do but give him space. You sound very needy men hate that. Stop calling him, stop texting him, leave him alone for a few days. If you haven't heard form him in a week or so, give him a call. If you don't get a response, leave it at that. DO NOT go crazy on him. If you give him the space that he's asked for, most likely he will come around. If you keep pressing and being dramatic, he will be gone. I wish you luck.

- Response by mrslml, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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First of all, don't panic, breathe...second of all stop calling/texting/emailin g/facebooking him.

Now I dont know about you and him and how its been like, or if you've had problems and such but if he wants space it means he wants time. He either has some stuff on his mind & needs to think about your relationship,or maybe something else totally unrelated to you both,and seeing from your age range (I'm assuming he's in the same range too)If he's being reluctant about opening up and telling you why he's pulling away then I'm sorry to say he's being immature.

However he reacts or decides in the upcoming days,know this:
If he doesnt want you then its his loss, simple as that. You should never have to run after someone for affection, or to make them care.He owes you an explanation, dont be scared about what might, it wont be the end of the world.
People who love you dont put you in difficult positions or run away each time they have problems,they face it with you...together.
And you deserve much more than someone who keeps you hanging.
Just Sayin'
Best of luck & take care

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Glasgow, Technical

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Most likely. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to go through the grieving process of the break up...and have a friend hide your phone.

- Response by afirecracker, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Oh honey, I am SO sorry you are going through this - it is something that both women AND men go through every day.

Know this, that NOTHING good comes from pushing anyone into doing anything. Think about it in the most basic of terms - because thinking about it in terms of female/male relationships won't do make you see, because you clearly don't see.

Here's a very simple example: when your mom or dad would ask you time and time again to do something - to clean out the garage or your room, or to do your homework, it felt like nagging, right? You HATED the idea of doing the chore, and you HATED the idea of being told what to do.

NOW, picture your boyfriend as you in the situation hating the idea of listening to your parents who are trying to force something on you. I swear, it's the SAME THING.

And even though it hurts - I so feel your pain - but you have to be strong, a big girl about this and NOT call him - THAT is what a grown up relationship is about. Because when you do this, you show pride in yourself, pride in your relationship, and respect for him, which is far more heart-attracting than calling and texting.

Now, to put it another way that a woman (myself included) may understand, too:

When you diet, you need to show restraint - you can't eat everything in sight just for quick gratification because you will gain weight.

And, just like like the diet, in this situation in your relationship you need to show restraint, self-control, so that the end result is lasting and what you really want long-term (his love and respect), not a quick gratification of his picking up a phone call from you that may do more damage than good.

Honey, hang in there - I am sending you all the hugs in the world so that you can get through this - and you WILL get through this. I have been there many times and finally learned my lesson the hard way.

If you need someone to talk to, to get you through this, just write me, ok? You are worth everything - if he doesn't end up staying with you (and you don't know that yet - he may just need a little time - sometimes we all do, truly!), then as the other writer said, it is HIS loss.

- Response by over40dating, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55

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If you want to make your self-fulling prophesy come true...then keep it up. It's kinda obvious that you are too clingy and that is WHY he is asking for space...so GIVE IT TO HIM. Respect his wishes. Let him breathe and if/when he decides you are not the 'one' you will survive but your fear is overbearing right now...he can even smell it. Sorry but I am not being mean, here...it's just a fact of the dance of love...one moves forward too fast and the other stumbles..think about it.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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If you keep stalking him during his request for "space" he probably will dump you for being a clingy, insecure, drama filled mess.

Get a grip, sista! Get your act together and stop with being scared. He's not the last man available in this world. You also have to ask yourself why you are so emotionally dependent on him to the point of being such a mess that you're demonstrating the reason why he's asked for space and may not want his "space" to end, essentially dumping you.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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Do not feel bad for calling/texting him during this time. you have every right to speak you feelings, you do not have to kiss his a**. a boyfriend/girlfriend asking for space would hurt anyone, so dont feel bad for having reacted, you were just hurt. now take a moment and think about this. if he could come to you and admit that he wants space from you, do YOU really want HIM? im not saying hes a bad person but you know what, youre young and why not get curious or excited even about meeting someone NEW! i understand that you have feelings for him and thats a beautiful thing, but dont waste them on someone who is obviously unable to reciprocate. honestly, if i have to hear about 1 more guy needing "space" im gona lose it and then others say "oh, dont scare him off, dont call or text him" SCR*W THAT! you have every right to reach out if your hurt, youre not a frikking robot! anyway, you my dear are YOUNG! if he wants space then show him the door, and dont communicate with him AT ALL for you! take your power back. workout, buy a new outfit, get a facial, go out with your friends! you dont need this, move on. if you do these things i guarantee he will come back, if suddenly he hears NOTHING from you then he will feel like hes lost control and a little part of him could be feeding on your momentary insecurity. but again, YOU get to decide. maybe you dont want him now, youve lost trust and who's to say he wont do this again? at this point its all about you. move on and get excited about the new guy youre gonna meet.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 36-45

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I'll keep this short-when I've been given the "I need more space" routine, it has meant he's gone.

- Response by rhonda35, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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enjoy life where ever it take you

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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My bf has asked me for space many times and always comes back. I have been the clingy gf for a very long time. My bf and I spend our first year of the relationship together everyday which later he wanted space and it hurt me to see such drastic change. He always comes back after three times of asking for space and my act of being clingy is what affects it. It's a horrible feeling and it's up to you to decide which route to take. I love my bf but I love me too and every break he wants I surround myself with great friends. I don't stop my life even if i sometimes take my two cries for the day. Yet, value you first don't let it become a game. I feel I've reached my last straw. How you react to the space is your outcome. Be strong and let him come back. Don't make it too easy for him give yourself respect. I've made everything too easy therefore he knows what cards to play...Change now. I'm giving a change for me too now.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Administrative

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My bf has asked me for space many times and always comes back. I have been the clingy gf for a very long time. My bf and I spend our first year of the relationship together everyday which later he wanted space and it hurt me to see such drastic change. He always comes back after three times of asking for space and my act of being clingy is what affects it. It's a horrible feeling and it's up to you to decide which route to take. I love my bf but I love me too and every break he wants I surround myself with great friends. I don't stop my life even if i sometimes take my two cries for the day. Yet, value you first don't let it become a game. I feel I've reached my last straw. How you react to the space is your outcome. Be strong and let him come back. Don't make it too easy for him give yourself respect. I've made everything too easy therefore he knows what cards to play...Change now. I'm giving a change for me too now.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Administrative

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