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How to get a non paying family member to move out of your house?
Sex & Intimacy / 12:55 PM - Monday March 12, 2012

How to get a non paying family member to move out of your house?

My husband & his older brother parents passed away 10 yrs ago and since then my husband has taken care of his brother one way or another. Giving him money shelter food. Mean while the brother shits on him by not paying back money, only calling when he needs something and making him feel guilty when he doesnt have the money to help. Two years ago he moved in w/ us b/c he threatened to kill himself if we didnt let him. He stayed for a year he worked but when asked to pay he refused. when asked to help around the house he refused. He took our home from us. Having parties doing drugs in our house blowing money on everyone but us while my husband and I worked 2 jobs each. In the end I filed paperwork to evict him from our home. He trashed the place then left. Recently he pulled the same thing and after pulling the suicide card w/ my husband again my husband let him back in after i told him no. Now the guy isnt working isnt looking. He needed a place b/c he doesnt pay rent anywhere and is constantly getting kicked out of these places. He is a 15yr old in a 30yr old body. My husband refuses to ask him to leave as he has no where tyo go no car no money no home. I feel he did this to himself and refuse to lose my home again. It has caused all sorts of problems for me and my husband and i feel could have some real potential to ruin our marriage. Is there anyone out there that can think of any creative ways to make a user w/ no care for anyone but himself want to move? please help me before i end up in jail for brutally beating his sorry ass or end up in divorice court.

- Asked by A Life of the Party, Female, 29-35, Baltimore, Veterinary

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This is your husband's doing and you husband's responsbility.

If I were in your shoes, I would give your husband ONE option and that would be for your husband to start receiving professional counseling immediately so he can develop to skills and tools to deal with his mentally ill brother.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Evict them. So long as they are over 18 you can legally!

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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I will be honest. He probably aint leaving anytime soon. As long as he has permession to be there than nothing you can really do. If your husband said no than yes he could do something. And than if he pulled the sucidal card well you could 911. Saying your brother in law said he was going kill his self and than they wouldn't lock him up but put him in physic ward. And watch him until he was safe. Not much you can do if your husband is allowing him to stay. Yes your going end up in divorce court or jail at this rate.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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He wouldnt leave. But there are some troubling things. Like if the cops thought your house was drug house you know you could lose the house right? That why drug dealers use hotels... He might of been selling drugs too.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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For him to understand you might have to move. See what he does than.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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Im not good at legal things, but I feel Utahmom pointed out the problem: YOUR HUSBAND. He can t set boundaries with his brother, no mattering his house, you ,money or family. It seems your husband will behave the same way forever, unless HE changes this.

Threatening your husband with a divorce or to leave won t work. HE has to change his attitude towards his brother. COUNCELLING is the answer, and if he doesnt want to go, I think it is time for you to consider divorce =(

- Response by sailormoon, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I'm afraid you're not going to have any luck with brother-in-law because your husband is his enabler. My deadbeat sister has done the same thing with my mother since 1995; and while Mother has complained about the added debt she's incurred paying her rent, feeding her, her drug-addicted lover, their dog that ate more than the two of them and the cat they wouldn't spay that had kept having kittens, she's let her and paid for all of that, and then some! It's the "They have nowhere to go and I don't want to appear unloving to the neighbors" mentality! Bullsh**--because there is no loyalty in stupidity!

You have to understand that the suicide card, just like any credit card, has no value unless it's been activated. Therefore, your husband has let his brother pull the "I'm going to kill myself!" suicide THREAT on him with no intention EVER of killing himself by which to keep himself ENABLED and your husband paying to eat all the sh** he's dished him; had brother-in-law wanted to commit suicide, who'd have beEN ABLE to stop him? And your husband, thinking out of twisted loyalty that he's done his brother a favor by sustaining him in all his sh** for years has not one had enough sense to THINK ON HIS THREAT AND ACTIVATE his brother's suicide call by requesting he allow him to do it for him and then pulling on his bullet-proof vest, shooting his gun off in the air, shaking his brother to his shoes in tune to the speed and sound of the bullet shaking through his ceiling and rafters and then calling the cops to come and get the unwanted intruder out of his house before aims his gun at him and kills him for trespassing!

Brother-in-law's suicide card and call would have been activated ONCE AND FOR ALL and he would NOT have been able to use that lying threat to keep your husband entrapped again! Your husband would have been free of his sh** right then and so would you, just as my 88-pound 87-year-old mother would have been free of the monster of my 250-pound 54-year-old sister her enabling has created that's done this same sh** to her for the last seventeen years; and GOD--DID WE ALL NOT WARN HER FROM THE BEGINNING!

- Response by thedaimler2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Atlanta, Self-Employed

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There is no help.

There is no hope.

And I think you already KNEW this, yes?

You're either gonna have to put up with this mess, or leave.

Are YOU writing checks you can't cash????

Are YOU telling your man "it's either him or me" and YOU STAY???

Have YOU added to this sick, twisted, toxic situation by threatening but not doing?

Think about it.

You only really have two choices.

1. Put up with it and shut up about it.

2. Or leave.

Cause it ain't getting any better. This is who you married. This is what made you fall in love with him. Same spirit. Same gentleness. Same compassionate heart.

It's just that now, that same heart, is killing you.

Maybe it's time for you to move out, and your husbandn and yourself to go to marriage counseling (after you're gone).

Cause baby brother ain't goin' nowhere. Not now, Not ever.

This is who you married. He takes care of his family. At all costs. You just didn't realize he was THIS serious about it.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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Y'know I'd be having some real reservations about a long life with your hubby. I mean if he can't keep his brother under control then what the hell is going to happen when you two start having kids? I'm sorry but one of the things I do when I meet my partners family is to assess the family dynamic and understand that what happens there, will happen in my home if we get married. Every family has some weirdoes and black sheep but if the overall dynamic of the family is bad, odds are your values are not really matching up with those of your partner's.

Well tell your husband this and don't let him get away with the "well what can I do?" give up answer. There is plenty he can do. He just refuses to do them. So you tell him that his choosing to not fix the problems with his brother really show that you have reservations about raising a child with him and YES it is a strain on the relationship and he needs to realize that. He might be ok with just letting his bro go wild but you need to show him in every possible way that you are quite obviously not happy with his laziness toward correcting his brother.

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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Have a conversation with your husband. How does he feel? If he is ok with your situation you might be the one leaving. If your husband agrees with you then you should just pack up all of your brother-in-laws stuff and set it on the curb. If he has a key, change the locks. If he makes a scene, call the cops and SIGN a complaint. If he has drugs or drug paraphenelia have him arrested. If the police see that YOU don't want drugs in your house they will do all they can to help you. Good luck.

- Response by 1xtowerman, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Retired

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You may have to let your husband know that it could come down to him having to choose between his Brother or YOU.

There is no reason your husband cannot make his Brother responsible, and until he realizes this, he is ENABLING his Brother to be a bum.

There is also no reason BOTH OF YOU should be held prisoner by this bum in your own home. If I were you, tell your husband that it's either his Brother, or you, and go live with friends or family if any or available. Let him deal with it 24/7 by himself. If he shows no signs of making his Brother move out to be held accountable for himself, and will not make this change for you both as a couple, then you know where his priorities are.

You do realize that by him doing drugs (I'm assuming illegal) in YOUR HOME, that the police and DEA can take possession of your home and you all can be out on the street?? By allowing his Brother in your house with possession, using and possibly selling, you all are accessories to an illegal crime. YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND could go to jail and lose EVERYTHING.

Act now, get out and stay with friends....and hope your husband grows enough balls to choose himself and you over his loser Brother. Because SOMEONE in your household has to be the grown up.

(you could call the police and report the Brother for using if he leaves the house and tell them where to find him...they would arrest him for possession...but you risk losing your house if he tells the police he has a stash at your home)

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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You can always direct him to watch our videos on youtube..he might learn a thing or two about personal development ;-)

- Response by berlin24630, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Baltimore, Student

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Go to al anon, there you'll learn how to deal with people like this and be happy. Bring your hubby.

Good luck and God bless

- Response by kravjar666, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Consulting

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