Why is my husband so mean to me? **extremely long**
I do just about everything for him, I tried to be nice to him, I try to not nag him or ask him to do anything for me. even if I ask him to do anything he doesn't do it. I've been asking him for over a week now to give the dog a bath - oh I will later. later never comes .
He has been out of work for almost a year now -because he supposedly hurt his back - of course he didn't get hurt at work -so no work comp there and he was denied unemployment -so no money coming in from him what so ever. I work two jobs so that we can be comfortable - if I want to go out to eat -we can. We aren't crying poverty, but I also don't feel like allowing him to waste $100 to $150 a week in gas - if he had his way. So I tell him I don't have that much money.
All my husband does is sleep to about 4 or 5PM - he gets up, pisses, goes to his game room, plays xbox, around 8-ish his scumbag alcoholic family members are calling and he's out the door to go hang out at the bar with them. I will not give him money to go to the bar. I give him money daily to buy cigarettes and a hot tea from dunkin - and he gets maybe $60 a week for gas. He'll put in $20 every other day -all he does is go hang out at the bar or his brothers. There are some nights I'm in bed by 9-ish and he'll sneak out at like midnight - I hear him -he won't leave a note either - thinking oh she'll never know. if I ask him oh did you go out last night - he'll lie and I'll be like I heard you. oh yeah - I went out for a little bit. like what the fuck. Don't lie to me - be an adult. Granted he doesn't like being asked where he went and what he's doing but -no need to lie. I asked him yesterday who were you on the phone with - none of you f-ing business - I was like whatttt??? Mind your own business and stay out of mine. ok - I can't do a damn thing without him up my ass about it, but I can't ask him. a few weeks ago after my second job I went over my sisters to hang out with my nieces before they went back to school and he freaked out on me because I wasn't home and when I said I went out after work - he didn't speak to me for 2 days pissed off because I wouldn't tell him. but it's ok for him to do that to me?
He doesn't have a cell phone now because the last phone he had - he washed it and dried it. I refuse to go buy him a $200 phone when he's not responsible enough and God forbid I get a new phone, he'll throw a mantrum for weeks. I haven't had a new phone in 2 years - he's had 8 new phones in 2 years. We have a prepaid plan. Also, I told him I was buying a newer car at the end of the winter - he threw a fit and told me no - whose f-ing money is it - mine. I have a 05 - bought it in 2007. he's had 6 newer cars - since 2007. every 6 months he wants a different car and I give in and let him buy one - well I pay. he just got a grand am in November and now he's like I want a Honda - not happening. I'm getting a G5 and he told me no - I don't get it.
He's so nasty to me and so mean to me - but he hasn't always been this way. I mean if he was I wouldn't have married him. I ask him repeatedly not to waste money on gas -he put 3,000 miles on in 2 months. we live 10 miles from the bar he hangs out at and his brother's - that just shows you how much he goes out. Every night for 6 weeks now he's been out. And every time I try to discuss it with him she starts screaming at me and tells me to shut up. I can't ask him any questions because he snaps out on me. sometimes I feel like I breathe too loudly for him. we hardly ever have sex - its only when he wants it and if I say no because it's like 4am and I want to sleep a little bit more before I get up - he freaks out on me and won't speak to me for days. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've turned him down - he turns me down constantly. Every single time - I can start sucking his dick and be like lets go upstairs - no - that's ok - and he'll go play xbox with a hard on - are you kidding me? I seriously question whether or not he's only with me to have somewhere to live and to have a fool pay for everything. Funny thing is if we divorce I'll have to pay him spousal support so it probably would be more beneficial for him to divorce me - less headaches.
All we do is argue and if we're not arguing I'm not speaking to him - and yet he has the balls to tell all his friends and family how great things are between us. Are you kidding me? we don't sleep in the same bed - haven't slept in the same bed in months. We can go to the movies and the whole time he's complaining about how he's supposed to be with his cousins at the bar. We'll go to dinner and he'll bitch and complain that he wants a home cooked meal - if I cook he doesn't eat it - so why bother cooking? I can't do anything right, I swear to God I embarrass him - I'm heavy - but I've always been heavy. I use to wear nothing but sweats and he said something about it - so I started wearing jeans, and I'd even wear tighter jeans for him. I use to only wear black - now I wear colors. I even go get my hair colored for him - I will not, however, cut my hair - it's to the middle of my back and I want it longer. He said something about me wearing earrings so I started wearing different earrings, I wear make up almost every day - unless I'm really exhausted or I don't have time before work - I start my fulltime job at 5:30am - who really wants to put make up at 5am -but I do. I try to please him. but no matter what I do I seem to piss him off. I seriously don't think he loves me any more. he hardly ever says it anymore - we never spend anytime together, if he calls me while I'm at work it's for me to bring him home cigarettes or a hot tea. He'll ask how my day was -once and awhile, but he never really wants to hear the answer. Therapy is out of the question. He hasn't kissed me in over a week - and our kisses are just on the lips -we haven't tongue kissed in probably 6 years. We've been together 11 years and married almost 3 years. I'm a 34 year olds and kind of fat - like who's going to want me if I leave him.
I don't want to be a failure and I don't want to be alone. I'm just hoping he wakes up and realizes what he has before it's too late - I just want the man I fell in love with to love me again.
- Asked by A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45