My Brother has not spoken to me in over 6 years

In your mind try to let him go so you won't be disappointed. At the same time say nothing accusatory but keep sending him mail, photos of your kids etc. He may be clinically depressed or whatever but there's nothing to say that one day he may come to you and tell you how wonderful it is that he's doing alright.

Did you ask those people who still know him if they know what your family has done to alienate him and tell them you'll keep it in the strictest confidence.

I know the brother of a super good friend of mine really well. He has absolutely the best personality ever. In fact twice we stupidly let him stay with us for months. He lived next door to a roommate and me and he was struggling so he'd come over and eat and drink every day.....sometimes three times a day. This went on for probably 9 months until I told him that we were happy to have him for supper and the like but he at least had to do the dishes one third of the time. Of course he was insulted and refused so I told him he had to do them every time he ate with us until I finally kicked him out. A few years ago we were renting a house while we built ours and his wonderful girlfriend had moved to England and he decided to get his Italian citizenship and go to the continent. He said it woudl take a few weeks so I told him that as long as I didn't have my boys he was welcome to stay with us.Sure enough, he stayed for about 6 months every second week and sure enough, he drank my beer, ate my food and so on. The last straw was I asked him to buy some halloween candy for the kids who came around. I had already bought a bunch but it turned out we had only a few kids. I used to put what was left over in my kids' lunches and when I was looking at the candy, I noticed he had taken out the candy he had bought because it was his. The guy stayed with us for free; drank our alcohol, ate our food and when it came to the halloween candy, it was his and not ours to share.

At any rate, we stopped being friendly and fortunately, his visa came through. Sure enough, his girlfriend dumped him and he returned. He no longer talks to his brother who always held him responsible and of course the other person he won't talk to is me. His brother and I have a mutual friend and one day our friend mentioned him and I asked how he was doing and he said really well, he's doing well and when I asked how, he said he's being very responsible in his life. I asked how in the world is that. After all, he's furious with his brother who was good to him and at me who put him up again for months. How in the world is that taking any responsibility whatsoever? Sorry for the long story but in his mind, he felt totally slighted no matter what we had done for him and it wasn't enough that he stayed with us for months, we had kicked him out.

I'm sure you didn't reject your brother like I did this fellow but it shows you how people can twist things in their mind so that it's actually your fault that you two no longer speak.

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My brother and I, somehow, started to see each other less, talk less on the phone, and he went to live abroad so I never saw him again. That was maybe 15 years ago and he never wrote a letter nor called. He also stopped talking to other close relatives.

Two or three years after he left I suddenly felt sad for him, like understanding that he was really lonely, so I called my mother and asked her for him phone. When he recognized my voice, he was so offended I couldn t believe it... he was so angry to know I "somehow" managed to get his number and called that he couldn t even speak fluently.

To make it short I was in shock and with tears in my eyes. I asked him why he was offended and he sais I was a very rude person. I have never heard from him again, although some relatives have.

As your brother, mine didnt care about our dad sickness.

I understood HE HAS A PROBLEM, he is emotionally sick, he has too many issues and is full of emotional bagagge. I am his sister, but Im not in charge of solving his life and I dont want to. You should do the same. If he wanted to hear from you he could get in touch, if he wanted to know your daughter he couls ask for a pic, etc.

I erased his mail and phone numbers, you should do the same.

It s not you, it s him. You are just wasting energy on someone who doesnt care for your life, sorry. If he would be part of your future he would be there now, but he remained in your past, bury him there.

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