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My boyfriend doesn't do anything..
Married Life / 7:57 PM - Thursday January 12, 2012

My boyfriend doesn't do anything..

i'm a career minded woman and my boyfriend is a medical school graduate. that's right, he is an MD. He has bailed on 2 residencies and has been trying to get into another but pretty much just bailed on it today. He hasn't worked in probably 6 years as he's been in school. I thought it was because he was trying to sort out what type of MD he wanted to become...but really, i'm finding, that he just doesn't want to work. This is a big deal to me. He has a lot of debt, and Im working 3 jobs trying to pay off my own school debt.

I just feel like he isn't motivated to do anything and i'm sick of being the working one. I'm not really supporting him, he has massive credit card debt because of this - he's been living on credit cards. But I pay the mortgage and the bills. I feel like, to a certain degree, i'm enabling this.

Am i being ridiculous that i'm frustrated? I feel like i deserve to be with someone who is as driven and successful as I am and who is passionate about what they do. I love my boyfriend, but I"m sick of looking at him sitting on the couch all the time. He has the degree and the potential but he refuses to use it. How do i proceed? Do i kick him out or let him continue to "figure it out" I'm 30, I'm also in medicine as a midlevel provider and I make good money. He's 43...and jobless. What do i do?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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There's a world of hardworking, generous Nice Guys out there, dying to get a date with you. Why are you wasting time with this chode?

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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Watching him waste his life is a waste of yours too....

- Response by stanorocks, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Denver, Fashion

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Community Rating: Community Star

What you don't do, is spend any more of your life...waiting for him to figure out his.

You are both way too old to deal with the "maybe's", or "if only's".

At 43, he is who he's always going to be. Act accordingly.

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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Good question..having a future is about just that "future"..Love is wonderfull and means more than anything in the world but so does reality..I have loved before but could not live with them due to about the same reasons..I cant say it that they are lazy...its just that they think life owes them something...I am not here to babysit an adult...guess you need to figure it out if you want to be one or not...one can be FUN..happy...exciting.. .but it DOES NOT pay the bills or help establish a future...a secure one...good luck

- Response by hwyrider, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Stuttgart, Science / Engineering

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Whatever you do, you should not marry this man. Yes, you are enabling him to an extent by making his life as a sponge easier, and you are also hurting yourself in obvious ways.

Seriously, if you are working 3 jobs your first priority should be paying down (or paying off) your own school debt!

There's no way out of those loans even if you declare bankruptcy; unless you become so thoroughly disabled that you can never work again in any field, your student loans will remain open until you pay them back. So, every penny that you pay towards his half of joint expenses is a small step away from your own financial freedom.

If your BF doesn't want to be a doctor after all, that's fine... but he has to do SOMETHING to contribute and pay the bills! No one should be living on credit cards, much less a 40-something who has been expensively educated and should know better.

If you don't want to break up with him, you don't have to... but you know you have only yourself to blame if you're frustrated with him and don't do anything about it. Right now, neither of you is happy. If it's a serious relationship, you could get couples' counselling so that there will be a structure to the discussion and it will stay on track.

Good luck, whatever way you decide. Something's got to give, and that something can't always be you and your wallet.

:)

- Response by newyorker80, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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There is something else going on here in his brain. Nobody is lazy who goes to school that many years and vecomes an MD.



- Response by buffer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Los Angeles, Managerial

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I'm going to go with Buffer on this one. Something else is going on. Lazy and shiftless is not the word I'd use for someone who actually made it through and graduated from Medical School. That's no easy feat. Yet he is not doing anything and is bailing on opportunities so he has some other deep stuff going on.

He's been a 'serial student' -in school for a lot of his Adult life. Maybe he can't figure out to live in the real world. Maybe he now feels too overwhelmed or lacks confidence. Maybe he never wanted to go to Med school but just got caught up in the expectation and adoration from others so he kept at it and now he's just stuck.

I don't know really but it doesn't add up to chalk it up to simple laziness. Now this does not mean you have to stay with him or carry all the weight. Whatever his issue you still need to get on with your life and hopes. He's 43 and that's old enough to be a little better at figuring things out so if he hasn't he may never do so. I guess you can give it one last effort and suggest he go to counseling to see why he can't get himself together. If he doesn't then you have to move on or seriously push back any ideas of a future with this guy.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Sorry but been there done that except mine had a degree and wouldn't use it. Wouldn't even try to get any type of work. I took care of him for a year until I finally realized he wasn't going to change. He was a leach and I allowed it. Talk to him and give him a choice "grow up or get out" Kick him to the curb. It will not be easy I even let mine come back he had told me he was working and changed, after two weeks I kicked him out again. Learn to love yourself

- Response by loves2much, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Dallas, Other Profession

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the boot

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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