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What are signs that your girlfriend is using you financially?
Dating / 10:19 PM - Thursday December 29, 2011

what are signs that your girlfriend is using you financially?

what is the difference between helping her with financial support if she doesnt make much money and you do, and her taking advantage of the situation?

- Asked by Male, 46-55

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well if we were dating I would not allow you to pay my bills monthly unless we were exclusive/engaged. If you wanted to help me out so maybe I could get caught up, say make a car payment or electric bill I would accept that BUT I would be over weekly cleaing your apartment, cooking for you, washing your car and doing anything else I could do to show appreciation, until I could get back on my feet. If you are paying her bills and she is Wasting money on new clothing, nails, hair weekly, then you are nothing more than a sugar daddy. She should not be using your money to buy THINGS....

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

If you pay when the two of you go out to expensive places and cover a lot more of the costs when you go on vacation together, etc., that's OK, particularly if she does things for you to reciprocate. For example, maybe she can't afford to take you to a fancy place, but she cooks you a nice meal.

If she wants you to pay her rent or her utilities - in other words, her monthly expenses - then that IS a big deal.

If you live together, then it's a little more tricky. Obviously you could afford a more expensive place than she could. So, either you must stay in a much cheaper place so the two of you can split the bills evenly OR you go with percentage of income - you each put 60% of your income into a common pot to use for things like rent, utilities, etc. However, if she expects you to pay for all the bills, then that is unfair.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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When guys who I've dated have offered to help me with an unexpected expense, I've only accepted their help if they will let me write it down on a tablet, like a running total, and let me pay it off each time I get paid, or a couple of installments, if it's too big to budget at once. I ask that they sign when they are paid off and date everything as I go. That way, everyone knows that the money part is separate. I make sure they know I have to do it that way so they don't feel like I am taking advantage of them. I pay it off as fast as I can so if there is a breakup coming, they don't have to stress over whether they're going to get ripped off, too. That way, we can at least continue as friends, and they can tell everyone I'm a good person to know.

If a girl just takes and never kicks in, or borrows money and never repays it, she's enjoying you while it lasts.

- Response by naiveladyquestions, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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There is no difference. So either be content being her sugar daddy or find you a woman that can stand on her own two feet (though they tend to be rare)

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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helping her with financial support

You answered your own question, you should not have to support a girl friend, if you do, you'll never know if she loves you for you or out of a sense of obligation or to gold dig you.....

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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IF you are supporting your girlfriend, someday it will come back to haunt you. It sounds like she is using you, but only because you are allowing it. I don't think a boyfriend should have to support his girlfriend. What is your investment going to produce?

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65

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Does she feel bad accepting your handouts and offer to pay you back? Has she come to expect this help regularly? Is she even thankful for the help? Best way to tell would be to stop and see what goes because you don't owe her anything. If she likes you for you she'll still be there.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Couple thing to think about

Does she directly ask you for cash on a regular bases?
Does she intentionally suggest spendy thing to do or eat but look at you to pay?
Does she ask you to buy her things?
Is she really broke or just irresponsible?
Does she have money but choose not to pay for things in expectation that you will do it?

If you feel that she plans things that she knows she cannot afford or buys things that she knows she cannot afford than she is taking advange of you.
If she is borrowing money to buy raman noodles because once she has paid her rent, she has nothing left, that is a different story.

Afterthought: If you live together... its kind of a different ball game and bills get mixed up though.

- Response by raceygirl, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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It all comes down to your experience of it. Do YOU feel taken advantage of or used by her? In that case, immediately stop giving her money. The fact that you are even asking this question makes me think that you are not comfortable helping her out financially, so you shouldn't. Giving a girlfriend money is no requirement when dating and should not be expected. I have never accepted money for bills etc from a boyfriend. That would feel a little sketchy to me. I'm not a concubine. But sure, if you have extra cash and she doesn't then you can always offer her a loan here and there. IF you're comfortable with it. Just don't make a habit out of it and don't give it to her whenever she asks. She should not depend on you financially. You are not engaged or married.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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Whens she is always in your pocket.

- Response by peanut1, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Administrative

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