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Abuse From Father, what do you think of this?
Family & Parenting / 5:33 PM - Thursday October 13, 2011

Abuse From Father, what do you think of this?

Would you love your father if he took a belt and beat you black and blue, so hard that the belt broke? Simply because you were withholding some information from him? Almost hit you on your birthday simply because you were eating too slowly? The only reason he did not hit you is because your mother intervened and put a stop to it. Would you love him if he said "It makes me sick to see you eat my food."

My mother's family thinks you should love your father no matter how they treated you. What do you think?

- Asked by A Married Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Your mother's family is wrong. Loving someone who abuses you is SICK. It's emotionally unhealthy and physically dangerous.

If my father did that to me, I'd call the cops on him. If my kids' father did that to my kids, I'd shoot him without a second thought.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

I think that's wrong. If your father abused you like that when you were growing up, how can you love your father if he never treated you with kindness, let alone forgive him for what he has done. My father used to slap me across the room when he was in a bad mood or make me upset when I ate too slow and couldn't eat. But he also was a very generous father and giving at times of his time and money. It's just that when he had a few too many drinks he would have a bad temper.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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If you live in the USA that behavior is abuse and is actionable under the law. Doesn't matter whose father he is. Hard to love someone whose actions indicate that feeling is not reciprocated. rek

- Response by rekkonball, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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Loving someone and liking and respecting someone is two different things. I think we always love our Parents even when they are horrible people whom we hate. There's that little unfed child in us that still wants their acceptance, approval and unconditional love they may have never given us as children, thus leaving that part of our development lacking. It can impact us even into adulthood. But this does not mean we will be attached to them or have active love for them as we mature--it can be arms distance at best in many cases.

So yeah there's this idea that we should love our Parents always (and as I said before, many of us do, no matter what) but that does not mean they are agreeable, likable or someone we should be around. Sometimes we have to forgive them and put them in a 'box' where we can tolerate them as necessary.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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My step dad beat the crap out of me until I was 11 years old and I hate that man with a passion.

No one can force you to love a monster, let the others have their own opinion. You're a grown woman with feelings and no one can tell you how to feel.

Don't let yourself feel any guilt over how you feel. Those are hard issues to resolve within yourself and added guilt is not needed.

- Response by sweetnovember, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Executive

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you owe that peice of shit nothing. you owe your family nothing. the world is yours to carve your own place away from that hurt. they say what dont kill you makes you stronger. give yourself this hurt to fortify you and become a better person because of your experiences.

- Response by mortishia99, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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My father was a proper bastard who would psychologically abuse every one and any one ( including family members ) as soon as he got tired of them. Add to that, he was wife beater - so no I do not have love lost - I never had any use from me.

- Response by ilom, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Halifax, Science / Engineering

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It's why I have so little to offer my father. It's why my mother finally had to divorce him. He never beat us kids that much, but he was always ready to, and always overbearing, even when we agreed with him.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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My dad beat me, for any and all reasons he could find. He beat my brother and I from coming home from school, he beat me for being over weight, he beat me cause he hated his life, he beat me for all acts of evil he did. He used poles, pipes, barbed wire, base ball bats, knives, pans, hockey sticks, anything he could get his hands on. He has said the most evil things to me and now, well he found god and he thinks he is saved. Pardon me, I have a church to burn down....

- Response by strongbow, A Jock, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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That's horrible--if this is what was done to you, I'm so sorry. I hope your question is rhetorical, if you are referring to someone you know--I hope you would immediately report such an abuser to the police and save his intended victims prolonged periods of abuse.

Contrary to what some smug, stupid or brainwashed people think, love IS conditional; if someone is abusive, it doesn't matter WHAT relationship he has to his victim, he is not worthy of that victim's love.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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Just because they are family does not mean that they earned or are entitled to your love and respect.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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No yur mother's family is WRONG. You do not have to love an abuser. Your father is sick to say and do those things!!

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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I dcan see how you could not love him. Him hitting you that way is not love, it is meanness.
It is hard to love a person who did that to you.
But be better than him and try to show him is errors.
In love!

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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YOur mother's family is completely off base. A parent doesnt' deserve love simply for donating half the DNA. NOOO Any male can be a father it takes a real man to be a Daddy.

And frankly I wouldnt have anything to do with my mother if I were you. She should have protected you from his abuse. She should have took you and RAN. Anything to keep you safe. I am sorry that you were so failed.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You do not have to express care for a parent who treated you terribly. I do think for your own sake you should forgive and love him, but that does not mean that you have to associate with him or express feelings that you do not have for him. It is obviously bothering you so forgiving him is best for your own stability. You are an adult and don't have to explain yourself to anyone, they are ignoring the real issue-that your dad was abusive. Did anyone have something to say then while it was happening? Probably not.

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Financial / Banking

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i think ur mom is partially right, the bible says honor thy mother and thy father.. however, u can still love him but from a distance and not be around him....

- Response by tchris1645, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65, Transportation

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You can love somebody without approving of their behavior or even being around them. You don have to like them, or who they are, or how they act in order to love them.

- Response by spiritdude, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Denver, Therapist

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