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Is an insecure girlfriend more likely to cheat?
Dating / 5:09 PM - Friday September 23, 2011

Is an insecure girlfriend more likely to cheat?

Seems like when my girlfriend is insecure about me--ridiculous stuff like if I'm getting back together w/ my ex(no fn way), with her because of money (I make more and save more than she does)... etc... She is more likely to shop around or chat up with other males. I have looked for advice and found what seems like an insecure woman is more likely to cheat but haven't seen anything specific on this--what are your thoughts. I'm now led to believe maybe the best course of action is to stay far away from people with serious insecurities because in trying to protect themselves from possible imaginary hurt they hedge themselves by going out w/ someone else?

- Asked by Male, 29-35

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To be honest, she's so caught in her insecurities & the notion of you cheating, her cheating is potentially out of the question. Been there, done that with my ex. It drove me to dump her.

- Response by syncaset, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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well insecure is not a good word in this situation. More like paranoid. crazy women do crazy things

- Response by shadow21, A Hip Hop Guy, Male, 26-28, Self-Employed

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OR if you love her, you could help her to work on her insecurities by making her more secure. Everyone is insecure about something if they are honest. If she hangs out to find the confirmation she is seeking from you that is sad. Maybe she is testing you to see if you truly do care about her with jealousy. Relationships involve working together to make things right. This would be far less offensive if you didn't know what her problem was and was trying to figure it out as opposed to knowing and not helping her to be confident and comfortable.

- Response by uasked, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Veterinary

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She is not going to go and cheat unless her childhood history of any abandonment of any form like, parents and other loved ones. And she has those serious issues with that will lead of much unfaithfulness or sex addiction as an adult. This can as well happen to men as well.

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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OR if you love her, you could help her to work on her insecurities by making her more secure. Everyone is insecure about something if they are honest. If she hangs out to find the confirmation she is seeking from you that is sad. Maybe she is testing you to see if you truly do care about her with jealousy. Relationships involve working together to make things right. This would be far less offensive if you didn't know what her problem was and was trying to figure it out as opposed to knowing and not helping her to be confident and comfortable.

- Response by uasked, A Career Woman, Female, 56-65, Veterinary

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Maybe I'm just not nice here...but I learned a long time ago, that I don't have time for insecure folks...no amount of reassurance on my part will change the way they feel.

If they don't want to get the serious help needed to fix themselves, I certainly won't be able to fix them. I like whole folks in my life. Those who are able to give and receive love in a healthy way. Trust.

I have no idea if this person would cheat...but if you spend all your time together, defending things that never happened, I'd be out of there if I were you. Where's the joy?

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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A person who is insecure in a relationship is only there because they need validation. And if they don't get validation from that partner, which is unreasonable and unrealistic, they will move on to someone else they feel they will validate them.

Yes, you should stay away from insecure women because you can't fix them and it's unfair to you that they expect you to "fix" them as it runs deeper and it an issue from childhood.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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I've learned one thing... Reality=Perception in a women's mind. So if she feels like your love has lapsed then it has and she will be likely to stray. It of course varries with each woman, but the "probability" is higher in all. If you're not in it to win it then getting out asap is my advice.

- Response by A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Philadelphia

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I think the real question you need to ask is what you are doing to make your gf feel insecure. People don't feel certain ways all by themselves--people are social animals; they take their cues from others (with exceptions for people with severe mental problems).

So, if YOU routinely put your gf down, she IS likely to want to prove to herself that she can do better than you.

If you don't want her to do this, go out of your way to do things to make her feel that she wants to be with you. The ball is really in your court. If you can't be bothered to make someone you love feel that she's wanted, it says something about YOUR ability to have a stable relationship, NOT about her.

The most confident woman in the world will go out and find some stud if she's being hurt at home by her s/o. Some people confuse the need for social validation with insecurity; women are people just like men, and they need social validation. If your gf doesn't get it from you, she'll get it elsewhere. Pretending that the whole problem is HERS tells ME that the problem is both of yours.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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No. An insecure girlfriend is more likely to get on your nerves and make YOU cheat or dump her though. The insecure woman tends to cling on to you. You'll spend too much time having to reassure her. Every time you don't do something to please her, she'll think it's because you don't love her. And, she'll bug you to death about everything and everyone you spend time with outside of her. Sorry, but cheating on YOU is the last thing on an insecure woman's mind. But, the possibility of YOU cheating will always be on her mind.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Well, I can tell you first-hand that when I was in my late teens and
early 20's, I was very insecure about anything and everything when I
was in a committed relationship.

Often times, individuals will suffer from something called Borderline Personality Disorder, and it cane makes their outlook on life and love in a somewhat distorted manner. Lots of therapy, but I
don't think there's a medication for being insecure. It takes work
to get better.

I was definitely in the position (no pun intended) to sleep around, when I was going through the insecure moments and time periods. I felt that if there was some kind of crisis going on, the guy would always run right back to me.. So I created drama.

It was until I got married, divorced and raised an Autistic child, that I can honestly say, no... I'm not insecure anymore. It's a very
perilous and somewhat dangerous frame of mind to be in.

- Response by suzyscorp, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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My instinct is that this is something that could go either way. An insecure girlfriend (or wife, or boyfriend, or husband) could respond to their insecurities by going off and cheating on their spouse, as a means of proving that they're worthy of someone's love/affection/attracti on/etc. Or they could cling to their spouse, afraid of letting go.

Of the two options, obviously the former is completely destructive, because it's responding to a problem in the relationship (real or perceived) by attacking the relationship. The latter has some potential to be constructive, depending on the other person's response to the situation. A lot of people will take an attitude along the lines of: "Urghh, you're so clingy! Leave me alone!" which in turn reinforces what the person was insecure about, and feeds a pathological cycle that, without breaking it, will lead to the relationship being in ruins. Alternatively, if being clung to is responded to with gentleness, care and affection, it may reassure the insecure person and allow for a positive outcome. That doesn't mean it WILL reassure them - that depends on a lot of factors - but there's at least a chance for a happy ending.

I'll also note that someone who IS secure in their relationship may be more inclined to cheat, depending on why they got into the relationship in the first place. A lot of people get into relationships not because they like the person they're with, but because they *need* someone to be in a relationship to have a steady level of self-worth - they base their self-worth on others, not on themselves. Once they've become secure in their relationship, the relationship has served it's purpose, so they lose interest in the relationship itself, and are more likely to start looking elsewhere for someone else to fill some other emotional need of theirs.

- Response by ryanthegreatarj, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Student

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If she thinks you are cheating or with her for the wrong reasons then she might get together with someone to make you feel jealous or get a revenge on you lol

- Response by psychologybabe, A Creative, Female, 29-35, New Orleans, Artist / Musician / Writer

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