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My boyfriend constantly accuses me of cheating. Why?
Sex & Intimacy / 9:49 PM - Thursday September 15, 2011

My boyfriend constantly accuses me of cheating. Why?

When I take my daughter to visit her dad, my boyfriend becomes very jealous. If I don't call him constantly, he gets upset and has accused me of still being connected to him and having feelings for him. Just today, he told me that he thought I was going to spend this weekend with my ex because it's his birthday. It makes me angry and hurt when he says these things. Then he says he trusts me, but it's obvious he doesn't. He's told me "I do trust you, but I don't trust him." I don't know what to do about him.

Update: September 15, 2011.
I've never cheated on him, and have never expressed interest in anybody else. He tells me it's because we're far apart (we live 100 miles apart) and because "I'm so beautiful". I've told him that it's not fair that I get treated like a cheater, and he agrees, but he won't stop. When I told him that I was taking my daughter to the fair and that her dad was going he got really sarcastic and kind of rude. Am I doing anything wrong?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Your boyfriend has some insecurties, and it really sounds like he doesnt trust you.
Usually in these circustances it means one or more of the following:

1) he is cheating on you
2) he has cheated on you in the past
3) he has cheated on someone else in the past
4) you told him of a time when you cheated on someone
5) one of his parents cheated on the other
6) you have expressed sexual interest in or commented on how great your ex was in bed

Regardless of motive, the fact remains he still has trust issues. Until he deals with his insecurities himself or gets therapy for them, this will continue throughout your relationship.

- Response by spiritdude, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Denver, Therapist

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because he's insecure, which causes jealousy. And it's NOT that he doesn't trust him as that is ridiculous. It is YOU who would make the choice to cheat with the ex. Not the other way around. Tell him to get some counseling for his insecurity and irrational thinking because you can't live like this anymore.

You need to make it very clear, crystal clear that you have a daughter with this man and he will be an active part of your life because of your daughter until she is at least 18 years of age. If he can't get that; understand that; be reasonable and not jealous of that fact, then this relationship is doomed because of his insecurity and ability to sabotage the relationship. Lastly, if this relationship does end, tell him he should NEVER get into a relationship with another woman who has children because there is a good chance that the father of those children will be involved with their children's lives and he'll repeat his ugly cycle of irrational thinking through his insecurity and ability to self sabotage.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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It's because he's a stupid little dick. Sorry if this upsets you, but that's what he is.

You are going to be connected to your daughter's father for the rest of your life. You need to find a man who understands and accepts that. Any man who can't accept it is going to cause you incessant misery.

- Response by spongecake, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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No, he doesn't trust you. You want to look forward to 30 or 50 years of this treatment? I thought not. You know what to do.

- Response by stoney07, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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Perhaps you smell of penis. Leave him.

- Response by quikslvr, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Washington, DC, Farming

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why do you assume its you... ?? you are dating an insecure man who WILL become controlling with time.. you might want to rethink this.. it does NOT sound healthy or smart

- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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usually the one accusing is as why else would they think that way

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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When I told him that I was taking my daughter to the fair and that her dad was going he got really sarcastic and kind of rude. Am I doing anything wrong?

It think that most men would be suspicious and concerned if they were told that you intended to spend the day with your child AND her father at a fair. That is the equivelant of a DATE. I can see why your boyfriend would be upset. If a marriage is over, why socialize with the EX in this manner.

This has little to do with your daughter and more to do with you just wanting to spend extra time with her father. You are sending the wrong signals to anyone that might consider dating you.

Having said that, I think that this boyfriend, is not the right guy to be located 100 miles from where you are. I think he is insecure with himself AND I also think he might be cheating himself.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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Your daughter's Dad will always be a part of your life and two having a relationship (friendship only) is the best for your child...your boyfriends insecurity has to be is too short for there a way the four of you could do something together to show him that is a safe thing and such..I take married friends out all the time with their husbands..and when they are not with us...they know we are just friends..I would NEVER take a married lady anywhere without the husband comfortable...its not your case but relative...good luck.

- Response by hwyrider, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Retired

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He insecure and don't trust you..

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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WAIT A MINUTE... WHY are you taking your daughter to a fair and you're ex is going to be there? Is he a side show or something? A Carne? If you are divorced- you should do your own thing with your daughter and so should he. Why are you putting yourself out there, looking like you're a 'couple' when you really aren't? I think there's more to this story that you aren't telling us? My gf and I get my 3 sons on every other weekend and aside from being at the boys' football games together (we never all sit together, and I never sit with my ex) we don't do anything together. I'm not trying to have my sons parented by 3 people at once, or have them thing we're gonna get together in some sort of sickening 'menage a trios'. YOU need to seperate your life from your ex's and maybe your bf will have more faith in you...

- Response by 1carpediem1, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Financial / Banking

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