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Is fear stronger than love?
Dating / 12:50 PM - Saturday September 10, 2011

Is fear stronger than love?

Have you (or a friend) ever been afraid to fall in love and be with someone that is good for you? How did you or they act? Do you chose to just be single or do you try to get involved and then just end things as you see yourself falling for that person? I want to understand more about this behavior as I think one has to be able to possibly have your feelings hurt if you want to fall in love.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Fear is not stronger than love, it is easier. Love is hard. It requires sacrifice, courage, selflessness, compassion, and forgiveness. Fear requires nothing. Those who learn to live in love risk getting hurt. Those who live in fear never get hurt because they never risk anything. So the question is, do you want your life to be easy and pointless, or hard and incredible.

- Response by spiritdude, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Denver, Therapist

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It sure can be for some folks. :(

I've been in love twice in my life, and hurt both times in the end. However, I'm not at all afraid of love. Being in love is a very joyful place to be! I can't imagine not ever experiencing it again. I would say that I'm careful though. We both need to be good for each other. Not just him good for me, or me good for him.

Yes...I very much want to love again, and be loved. I'm hoping that old saying "third time's a charm" works for me. :)

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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With love comes the risk of getting hurt. You have to put yourself out there in order to find love, but with that, comes the risk of getting hurt. Some people are afraid to take the risk of getting hurt and chose to be alone. I have a friend who has chosen to be alone, because of past hurt. She doesn't let anyone get close enough to her to hurt her. I tell her in making that choice, she has chosen to be alone. However, I am willing to risk getting hurt, in order to find love with the right person. No one likes getting hurt, but to me, it is worth the risk. In my opinion, if you find someone that is good for you, they wouldn't hurt you. If I found the person who was right for me, I wouldn't have any hesitation what so ever.

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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It's more like a car. Most people unfortunately sit in first gear, afraid to move into second where you truly fall deeply in love with each other and that is significantly more powerful than fear - because fear can always be overcome and is very short. So can love but its energy is far stronger and longer.

- Response by sunblaze, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Most definitely. Everyone gets hurt, but it really turns me off when someone is afraid to try again to love someone. When someone shuts themselves off to love, they're not living.

- Response by italiangypsy, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Philadelphia, Managerial

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Interesting.

I have never, nor have I ever met anyone who was successful at not falling on love with SOMEONE. It's been overused as an excuse when the two people obviously don't match. But you can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens and sweeps you off your feet.

To a degree, I will agree you have to be open to being hurt, but that's only if you make your feelings known. Is that what you mean? Loving someone AND telling them?

I do have one word of advice for someone who may feel this way. The pain is not love. Love is not like that at all. The pain comes from having your insecurities ripped wide open by someone rejecting you. This is why the saying "You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else" is SO important. If you are not secure in who you are then you will open yourself up to all sorts of drama and all kinds of pain. All of which is really self inflicted.

Remember, you are never the one who is the fool if you love someone and trust them. That's the way life is suppose to be. They are the fool for not appreciating it.

- Response by curadvent, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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each person lets either fear or love rule their lives.
fear has to be overcome and not let it rule one's life.
in relationships, one is taking a risk of getting hurt. you let fear or lover rule your life.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Went thru this recently. Relationship was going great when we apparently became so close to each other that it scared my gf. She just couldn't handle the risk of letting me know her that well. It has to do with some issues from her childhood. Yes, it is a risk both to love and to let someone love you. It is worth it, but can be painful.

- Response by A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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Yes, fear and pride.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I have been hurt and disappointed(disppointe d more than hurt)so badly that I will not allow myself to fall for anyone. I am not bitter..but I've been told that I come across as a little cold sometimes. If you are dealing with a person like this..there really isn't anything you can do. It's a catch 22..they desire human affection and company..but they won't allow themselves to care too much for you...atleast that is how I am.

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Other Profession

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Those who care more about getting hurt than experiencing love might think so. But, I'll always be the risk taker. Because, I hate knowing that I'll never know because I never said anything about how I felt. Or, because I cared more about rejection that going for what I wanted. You'll never know if you don't act. You could think of the many negative outcomes. Or, you could think about how great it could.

You will never get a shot at what you want. If you allow your fear of rejection, or not getting what you want, paralyze your attempts to get what you want. I would never be afraid to go for someone I thought was good for me. I'm dating someone now that I truly believe is good for me, and myself for him also. However, I am technically single. I have been single by choice. Because, the thing I truly fear is settling for less than what I'm worth. I don't fear being single. Which by the way, I don't equate with being alone or lonely.

I'm not going to end things; unless the relationship or the person is behaving in such a way towards me that it is no longer a healthy relationship or love to keep. I agree totally with you. There is no way you're going to open yourself up to truly experiencing real love if you're worried about getting hurt. Because, regardless of how unfortunate it is, rejection and being hurt by imperfect human beings is a part of life.

When I was younger and didn't have the experience, wisdom, self-worth, or confidence that I have now; fear truly was stronger than love in my life. Because, I knew fear very well. But, I truly didn't know the benefits and depth of what love truly was. But, I'm so glad that I know now. Because, I would fight to the death for the chance at real love. That is why I'm strong enough not to settle for anything or anyone for the sake of being with someone. Even, if I know it isn't real love. I will always have faith that it will always be possible for me.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Fear is stronger than love. Fear is the strongest emotion ever..

- Response by nena1263, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, New York, Student

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