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What does "Love is not a feeling, it's a choice" mean to you?
Dating / 1:05 PM - Thursday September 08, 2011

What does "Love is not a feeling, it's a choice" mean to you?

I have a male friend - 43 years old - who keeps jumping from one relationship to another. Each time he falls so deeply in love at first then as time goes on starts to feel "trapped" and ends up breaking the woman's heart. I asked him if he knew what love is and if he could tell me. He said he can't describe it, it's a feeling that he gets. I am trying to tell him that the FEELING alone is not love, and that true love involves making a choice to committ to one person through good and bad feelings. But I need help...

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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What he is feeling is HORMONAL. Nature devised these feel-good chemically-caused emotions to make us want to mate.
Love is when you want what is best for the other, when you never want to see his hurt, when you would sacrifice for his or her happiness, and when you choose to do the hard work when the hormonal high wears off and you are looking at a human being, not a god or godess.

- Response by monana, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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He's a drama queen.........

- Response by stanorocks, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Denver, Therapist

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What he loves is the challenge and being with a new woman. Once he knows all of her he gets tired/bored and wants the challenge again so he goes to the next. Typical male/dog.

Look at George Klooney. Goes from one to the next. He says he does not want to marry. If I was in his scene I would never bother knowing his history.

- Response by cinderella2006, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I disagree with you that "love is a choice to commit". Love can, and often does, exist without the presence of a committed relationship. It sounds like your friend has some intimacy issues but I don't think it's right/fair for you to try to define for HIM the definition of "true love".

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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He likes the thrill of the chase, the euphoria of infatuation, & the newness of being part of a couple until it wears off. He's addicted to puppy love phase but when things get more serious he can't sustain the relationship. He doesn't know what real love is because he is in love with himself & impractical about his feelings. No point in arguing with him over it because he is ignorant to it. You will not get him to see. He has to figure it out for himself. Accept him for who he is to you, your friend.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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I find no correlation in commitment = love

- Response by seasons4, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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It means that the person who says it has never had the benefit of experiencing a loving relationship with anyone before.

- Response by sunblaze, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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love is a feeling; an emotion.
seems this guy is looking for something perfect and has not found it.
best to keep him at arms length as a friend.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Translation: I am entitled to your love without earning it. If you leave the relationship just because it sucks then something is wrong with you.

Most people really aren't worth being in a relationship with. It takes time to fully realize this and even if that is suspected or known from the beginning the excitement of a new relationship can make it worth it for a month or so.

Perhaps he just hasn't met a woman that a few months down the road didn't make him want to chew his own leg off to escape from.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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