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Should you ever date someone who is not financially stable?
Dating / 5:50 PM - Tuesday September 06, 2011

Should you ever date someone who is not financially stable?

I ask this question b/c I know in this tough financial climate alot of people are having job issues. If you date someone who is financially having issues is this a really bad idea? Will it cause more problems then it could be worth? Would it better to hold off until the person is more stable? Just a general question.

- Asked by Male, 36-45

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it all depends on what you value in life. If you value money more than people, then by all means, only date people who are financially stable. A persons finances should not come into the equation unless their finances are obtained through criminal enterprises or taking advantage of others. Marriage on the other hand is a different story. Some of the nicest people I know are poor and in debt. Some of the rudest people I know are filthy rich. The real question is, what is important to you?

- Response by spiritdude, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Denver, Therapist

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In a traditional family the man expects to support a wife who stays home, takes care of his home, and bears his children. That doesn't include wasteful college or credit card debt.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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It depends why someone is financially unstable. Did something really bad happen to them that wiped out their savings (natural disaster, illness, robbed) or do they just not know how to manage their finances? I don't include having a low paying job because even if you're making minimum wage you can still manage your finances - just have a lower standard of living.

I wouldn't date someone who couldn't manage their finances because I would never be able to trust to share my money with them. I wouldn't mind supporting someone who hasn't any savings if I knew he wouldn't splurge it on a spending addiction.

- Response by ddegon, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Washington, DC

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I think it depends on a few major factors:

1. Is this person going to take advantage of you and expect you to pay for everything, cover their bills, loan or give them money, etc.? If so, steer clear of them. If not, why not casually date them and see where things go?

2. Are they taking responsibility for their own situation and making an effort to get back on their feet? Or are they chronically unemployed, full of blame for everybody but themself, making no attempt to budget or pay their bills, etc.
Financial trouble can happen to everybody. Sometimes it's through no fault of their own. And even if some or all of it is their own fault, it doesn't make them a bad person. Even good people make mistakes. But it's important to own up to them and take personal responsibility.

3. How serious is the relationship? If you're thinking of marrying them, keep in mind thast their debt will become yours too. And you'll want to make sure you're on the same page as far as your goals for spending, saving and planning for the future go. But if you just want to date and get to know them better, keep personal finances out of the relationship for now. Your bank account balance is none of her business and vice versa.



- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Are you the fella with the older girlfriend that always needs you to pay her bills? I'm not sure...

In any case, its not the money that they make...its how they manage what they make. Even if its not enough to make it to the end of the month. Are the important things being taken care of? Or do they feel they need a "splurge" now and again...even if there is no food on the table, and the power is about to be shut off? And then rely on someone else to make up the difference? Be it a friend, family member or the state?

Love is precious. So is a good work ethic, and a willingness to forego all extras when the finances are tight.

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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To me, it really would depend on the person and the situation.

For example, if the prospective date has just graduated from college and is looking very hard for a job, he may owe $25,000 in student loans have and little to no income. That in itself doesn't indicate that he has bad financial habits.

But if the same person has landed a job in his uncle's company right out of college, no student loans bcause his parents paid for school, but owes $25,000 in credit card bills, I would be more wary. Even though he has a job, his financial snapshot indicates some bad financial habits.

If I were single, I wouldn't turn down a first date with either person. But I'd hesitate before getting seriously involved with someone who lives beyond his means and overspends.

The fact that the person with $25K in cc debt can possibly discharge the debt through bankruptcy while the person with $25K in student loans will be stuck paying it all back come hell or high water makes me angry. Still, that's the system and you can't beat City Hall.

- Response by newyorker80, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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Unemployed people on the edge of homelessness should not be squandering time, money and energy signing up for match.com or racking up bar tabs trying to hook up with people.

That sort of irresponsible behavior is acceptable from someone you bang once or twice but not from someone you intend on creating a balanced partnership with.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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I agree that the persons situation needs to be taken into effect.

Personally, I look more at how they are handling a job loss than their actual financial situation.

Are they actively looking for a job? Looking to pursue a new career or maybe go back to school? Or, did they figure what a great time to collect some unemployment, sit back and watch Jerry Springer every day?? I like someone who understands life is full of setbacks and can try to work and overcome them...not become a victim or take advantage of the situation.



- Response by hotsytotsy4u, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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I agree that the persons situation needs to be taken into effect.

Personally, I look more at how they are handling a job loss than their actual financial situation.

Are they actively looking for a job? Looking to pursue a new career or maybe go back to school? Or, did they figure what a great time to collect some unemployment, sit back and watch Jerry Springer every day?? I like someone who understands life is full of setbacks and can try to work and overcome them...not become a victim or take advantage of the situation.



- Response by hotsytotsy4u, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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I agree that the persons situation needs to be taken into effect.

Personally, I look more at how they are handling a job loss than their actual financial situation.

Are they actively looking for a job? Looking to pursue a new career or maybe go back to school? Or, did they figure what a great time to collect some unemployment, sit back and watch Jerry Springer every day?? I like someone who understands life is full of setbacks and can try to work and overcome them...not become a victim or take advantage of the situation.



- Response by hotsytotsy4u, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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