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Does he really want to marry me
Dating / 12:48 PM - Sunday August 21, 2011

Does he really want to marry me

I've been with my partner now for four years we have two beautiful children.I've always wanted to get married but he keeps making excuses either about finishing uni first or he's says we're not financially ready but I wouldn't care if we got married in a registry office its not about the money or a big wedding I just want the honour of being his wife I love this man but can't help feeling that the time will every be right or the situation. He is nigerian n I'm jamaican his parents hate me n only put up with me for the kids n I feel that's his reason for not wanting to marry I just want the truth so I can move on with my life but how do I get the true answers

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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You wrote that you have always wanted to get married. But is this something he has ever said he really wanted?

It sounds to me as though he's just making excuses. If after four years and two children, and since you're not asking for a big wedding, I see no reason for him to be dragging his feet other than the simple fact that he does not want to marry you.

You could continue on like this for another four years. Or ten. Or you could sit down with him - today - and tell him that you want a concrete time-frame in which the two of you are going to get married, or you're going to have to end the relationship.

If marriage is what you genuinely need from him, and he's not willing to marry you, there's no point in continuing. And as for his reasons, whether it's about his parents or whatever, that doesn't ultimately even matter.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Internet / New Media

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Community Rating: Community Star

Make a date and tell him to sh*t or get off the pot.You and your kids deserve better.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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You choose the wrong man. Sounds like he's honoring his family's wishes in NEVER marrying you. You may have to wait until they are dead for him to marry you. It's not about finishing school or about finances, it's about his family's disapproval of you.

Don't give an ultimatum on this. Just tell him your needs, wants and desires are not being met and if he can't meet those for you, as you've tried to meet his, you are going to end this relationship and go find a man who WILL be everything you need, want and desire, which more importantly includes marriage.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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I hate more than anything sounding old, so I'll try to keep it young sounding and not like I'm your mother. WTF? You have two children, but aren't financially ready to marry? Aren't the children the financial choice you two made? The truth is you already made the financial commitment together and you did that without a commitment from him. That was your mistake. The truth is if you were thinking about anyone but yourself, you wouldn't have had children with a man that hadn't committed himself to you. Now you are using those kids as an excuse that he is taking advantage of you? Give me a break. You are exploiting your children and still only thinking of yourself, not how your actions could effect other people.

- Response by kalicalendar16, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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hes not going to marry against his parents wishes. you are both culturally different and his parents will always keep a wedge there. move on - he can follow or let you pursue something more worthwhile.

- Response by mortishia99, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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you should have waited til both of you were ready.
he seems to be making more excuses and he will later when the kids are of school age.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I think you already have the truth - he doesn't want to marry you. If being the mother of his children isn't enough to convince him, nothing will!

I don't understand why young women who claim they just want to get married are still choosing to have kids before they get married, as if that will somehow guarantee a future marriage - and it almost never does.

Time to stop dreaming about marriage and start thinking about yourself and how you're going to build a life for yourself and your children, with or without him. Do you have an education and career aspirations of your own?

Eventually, you'll find a man who's ready to have a life with you. Maybe it'll be your current guy, but he'll have to do a lot of growing up first.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 46-55, London

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