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Struggling after the break up, its been 3 weeks, I wont feel better unless miracle happens to me
Me and my 1.5-2 years boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago. We were both each other's first love, I'm 23 and we were together mainly during our university years.
We have been fighting alot for 6, 7 months,we live in different cities.
In our last fight, he said he was so tired that I was so annoying he didnt wanna be with me anymore, he wanted to break up. So fine, we broke up. One week later, he texted me, telling me about the "actual" pain he has been feeling since we broke up. But he still thought it was for the best. And he was resented that I didnt love him enough to hold on??!!?? I then replied back saying I no longer in love with him, and that I'm relieved we broke up and told him to move on (I have a very huge pride). Then later we talked on the phone as he was furious with the content of my text, he said he loved me so much and was in pain, while I moved on so fast and didnt wait for him??!!??
But after that phone call, it has been 2 weeks, no contact. Im suffering from the break up, I bought a 800 quids ticket to flight back home to see my family, took 2 weeks off work, thinking this will help me to recover.
During this 2 weeks, I went out, drinking, clubbing, meeting friends, but every spare moment I have in the day, I thought of him. I still cry almost everynight. It just feel like happiness has been sucked out of me, I dont think I can ever be happy again. I dont know what to do to feel better. Its been 3 weeks. I missed the time we had together badly. What is going on with me? I lost my reason to live, it might sound suicidal but I'm not, its just...I'm living a new day feeling empty and demotivated, I just dont know why I'm here, what is the purpose of life. Everything that was so important ie. family, career, making money, shopping, travelling etc, now just become meaningless. I really really want to be happy again, or just to feel positive again.
Update: July 27, 2011.
Thanks everyone so much whoever answer my question.
So time will heal all wounds... really? I'm still lying here and wait for all my wounds to heal.
After 5 weeks, I have tried all possible ways to cheers myself up. During that 5 weeks:
1) I bought the 2,000 bucks ticket to fly home
2) Take 2 weeks off work
3) Go out, drink (responsibly), hang out with friends. Have plan for every weekends.
4) Cry my heart out... I tried to not let this happen, but its hard.
And now, I'm still lying here...asking Gods when will my pain go away.
I cant call him, nor sit down and talk about this dead relationship. Because it has been a very tough last 6 months. We had so many arguments, it completely killed the pure feelings we once had for each other. Rationally, I know we can never end up happy together.
There was a university ceremony thing last week, and we both were there, when we were staying in lines to pick up some tickets, it was so awkward because I pretended I didnt see him and he was standing almost literally 1 meter a way from me. So I looked the other way, and he called my name and said hi...he looked sad, and so did I. He offered to shake my hand, it was the worst handshake ever, maybe I read too much into everything, but the way he shook it hand, it was more like...he was holding in and not knowing what to to, for just a split of a second then we let go. I was so hurt...touching the hand which was so familiar, the hand which my hand was so used to being wrapped into...its painful.
- Asked by Female, 26-28