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Why do we only remember the good stuff? Why does nostalgia hurt?
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 5:56 PM - Tuesday July 05, 2011

Why do we only remember the good stuff? Why does nostalgia hurt?

It's midnight here, I should go to bed.

Instead I'm reading through old emails in search of a confidence boost, to remind me of the times men wanted me. To read that he saw something special in me and he couldn't not be closer to me.

I ended up hating his guts - so why do I do this to myself?!

- Asked by alex86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28

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I don't know how long it's been since that particular break-up. But, it sounds like you have kept a dead relationship alive by keeping old memories of happiness. Those men have all moved on. Stop remembering the good times and remember why you're no longer with them. You ended up hating him, why? Realize those times. You do this to yourself because your life is too idle. Nothing has filled those voids in your life since they were created.

You need new focus and new hope. You need to realize those men aren't thinking of you ever, good or bad. They've moved on and they're probably loving again and having a happy good time. You need to evaluate if there are any issues within yourself that contributed to the demise of those relationships. You need to truly allow yourself to heal from the heartbreak of hope that those relationships would last. You are young. You still have a life to live.

If all you felt you were worth were those men; and, if the only thing that made you happy in your life were those relationships. I can see why you're still remember the good stuff and nostalgic. You'll continue to believe that you need a relationship to be happy and fulfilled. While you don't have one you'll think your life isn't anything. That's why you're up at midnight reading old emails from dead relationships.

You need to get yourself emotionally straight. You have to love yourself and your life. In the meantime, socialize, volunteer anywhere there is a need, and do whatever it takes to have the life you want to have, whether there's a man in it loving you or not. If you have strong love for yourself, it will not leave when the man does. Be grateful that you got to experience those good times.

But, know you can have them again. You'll be ready for them if your own life is already fulfilled and happy before they come into it. Do something constructive like deleting those emails and stop comforting yourself with pity. Your life would not feel so empty if you'll fill it with other things. This is my contribution for your search for a confidence boost!

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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You do it to yourself because you get confidence from *outside yourself* - you get it from the approval of a man.

That's a bad way to get confidence because it's FAKE. You only have self-esteem when somebody else decides to value you, NOT when YOU decide to value yourself. You need to learn to find confidence from within yourself, not from the whims of a man or anyone else.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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I'm the opposite.
I linger on the bad stuff.

Nostalgia hurts because its like a court case,always looking for the what if. what if I did this? why didn't I do that?

- Response by guy506, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Houston, Other Profession

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Memories can be beautiful and yet, what's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget!

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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