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I just found out my husband cheated on me 5 or 6 years ago.
Married Life / 12:45 PM - Thursday June 30, 2011

I just found out my husband cheated on me 5 or 6 years ago.

My husband does not let me know he'll be late coming home. It is his business to travel. He goes to San Diego, Baja and Guadalajara. Some times it's a one day trip sometimes it's for 2 weeks. Sometimes I don't heard from him for 24 hours. The only way I know where he's been is to check our bank statements. I never know if he is at his place of work or out of town. It's making me feel unsecure. There I said it. But in all fairness to meself He just told me he had an affair 5 or 6 years ago. So now I am wondering how to turst him. His job requires him to travel and he feels he doesn't need to inform me of his whereabouts as he is an adult.If I were to go back and forth to Los Angeles or San Bernandino he would like to know, just in case something should happen to me. I feel stuck.What is my next move. Ignore everything let him come and go? How do I stop being angry? I am at home waiting for him to spend time with me. I see he entertains his clients often. Lunch here dinner there. I know he gets tired. I have been patient for many years now. All I would like to know if he'll be home late so I can maybe make plans with a friend to go to dinner or go see a movie. I cannot just stay home and wait for the call that never comes.

- Asked by Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Student

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Your husband is a big oaf. He is arrogant and full of himself. He's right about one thing -- you are not his mother. You ARE his wife, you should be his best friend and partner -- he should want to show you respect and share his life with you by always telling you his whereabouts and contacting you daily from wherever he is -- with full disclosure. You are suffering from his constant disrespect. At the very least I would give him a taste of his own medicine and become unreachable and secretive too. As far as the cheating goes, you trust him or you don't. You cannot know if, when or how often he cheats unless he tells you. Free yourself of the burden of his thoughtless ways -- whether you stay with him or not, free yourself.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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You know you should not wait for him. Make plans and enjoy doing things with your friends there is nothing wrong with that!

- Response by seasons4, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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He doesn't view you as an equal and doesn't respect you as a person. That isn't going to change with ding the same as he does. I would suggest you get your own life and stop being a door mat for him. If you can't see the unhealthy nature of your relationship then there is little hope. I am recently divorced after learning of my husbands affair, so I know how you are feeling but clearly his lack of remorse or change means he doesn't really care he did it nor does he have any thought of changing his behavior because you will deal with it, you will accept it and you'll stay. My ex-husband was very remorseful but I don't forgive cheating, I don't judge those who do as this is my personal choice. I will say find some self esteem and courage and stand up for yourself or get over it cause he isn't going to change.

- Response by brkklz26, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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That the problem, you sitting at home waiting on him to spend time with you. If you don't plan your life, somebody else will plan it for you. Get up and get out. Volunteer or take an art class at the local college. Stop asking him if he will be home late. Let him catch up to you. If might put some needed "sparks" back into your marriage.

- Response by birdland, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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so stop waiting and if he shows up, too bad for him!! maybe he'll learn something from it.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I think because of his work, you need to have your own life and he should respect that because he can't expect you to wait for him to come home. You can have your own interests and hobbies, have fun and just let him know what you are doing, although he doesn't give you the same consideration. But just don't be waiting for him at home. That would drive me crazy. Sometimes my man tells me where he is and when he is coming home too much and that drives me crazy.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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