Back to Home

Active Questions

What would you do if your husband constantly talks to his ex-wife about you?
Sex & Intimacy / 7:38 AM - Tuesday June 28, 2011

What would you do if your husband constantly talks to his ex-wife about you?

My husband has a daughter with his ex-wife. I am OK with them discussing their daughter and what she needs. But he is also discussing our marriage with her. He tells her about our disagreements and basically leads her to believe that he is not happy. She has now started making passes at him. This weekend he told her about our vacation plans. She told him that he should leave his family at home and take her on vacation, just the two of them. This visibly stroked his ego and he loved the fact that she was hitting on him. I got upset and he told me that I was crazy, that she was just joking. My marriage is not a joke to me. To make matters worse, he also tells his family that he is not happy with me. He tells them and the ex-wife that I am a crazy, over the top person and that he is not happy. I called his ex-wife and told her not to be calling and hitting on my husband! The ex-wife is now sending me hateful emails, calling me nasty names. His family has now sided with the ex-wife and has told me that I am crazy and need to get over the fact that the ex-wife is too involved personally with my husband. His mother laid into me over the weekend and said some very hurtful things. She also said some things about our personal life that he has told her. I have had all that I can take. I told him months ago that he needed to tell the ex-wife to respect our marriage and stop this immature crap. He refuses to do that. Of course, from his behavior, he doesn't appear to respect our marriage either.It came to a boiling point over the weekend. He told me to get out. I said OK, that I would end it to put us both out of our misery. He is now begging me to stay and telling me how much he loves me. His ex-wife hates me. His family, thanks to him, now hates me. Why would someone run you in the ground to others, but behind closed doors tell you that they love you and they can't live without you. I am at my wits end with this man! If I leave, I will have to go live with my parents, which I don't want to do. So for now, I just suffer in silence praying that I get a full time job, so that I can get out of this mess.

Update: June 29, 2011.
Thank you all so much for your insight into my situation. I appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts. I have received some really good support and advice from everyone.

- Asked by charlielee, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System


Some people, like your husband, are so insecure they feel the world won't like them unless they can feel sympathy. I bet that is part of what attracted you to him -- oh, poor, poor guy, if only it were not for what others did to him. Sound familiar? So, you are his cover story now, the reason to make people feel sorry for him. That is very selfish and narcissistic. Keep looking for a good job and get your finances in order. Using finances to keep you tied to him is part of the game for a guy like him. He has betrayed you emotionally and you are alone emotionally and that is a terrible place to be in a marriage.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

Yes, that kind of betrayal triggers despair/hate for the person who is low rating you to other females.
His ex is always going to attempt to rope him back in, especially since she knows that it bothers you.
It can not be a two-way street of your hubby talking about you like a dog and voicing secret love lines too!
He is not going to change, I have observed this type of behavior much of my life...
Many men will talk about a female like a dog to wifey, and that is the very female that he is sexing down, some psyco attempt to cover his tracks....
I hope you find a position soon, for once a man/woman tell you to 'get' out of 'their' place, it is the ultimate indicator, that they do not give a shit about you, and that it is THEIR place, not yours!

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:


it truly sounds like a mess. the biggest problem here is that he is not backing you up. That's bullshit. did you marry him to prematurely? it sounds like you did not have a close enough relationship with him before you tied the knot.
oh well, if you have to go back to your parents, that's what you do. i would never stay in this kind of "marriage"! I don't care how much he begs, it will only get worse. Sorry but there is no way he loves you if hes acting like that. leave now before you get pregnant with a jerk like this! it'll be the best thing you ever did. youll find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated. good luck.

- Response by susan1977, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Administrative

Rating Received:


Wow. For me there's 3 major Marriage Rules that have no choice but to amount to Death of the Marriage if broken and he's committed 2 of them! 1- He is sharing your private lives with his Ex-Wife! There's just soooo many things wrong with that -Absolutely he blows it. 2 - Talking to his Family about you and allowing them to disrespect you because of crap he has said. And gosh, let's just throw in #3- Talking trash to you and putting you out which indicates exactly what Kismet said--that he considers your home HIS and doesn't care about your well-being.

Hell, he probably wants you to stay so he can keep someone around to kick so he can get his Ego strokes and Empathy... Let him and his Ex and Family find someone else to target.

If you have to find another part time to make up some more income and get out of this. Save your money quickly. This I'm afraid is one of the circumstances that can't be fixed. Way too much damage....

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


tell hubby that you are uncomfortable with him discussing your and his relationship with his ex.
such things are none of her business and let him know emphatically you wish him to keep talk about your marriage personal.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


What if your SO constantly talks about her EX? I finally got sick of it and dumped her.

- Response by hearmenow, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Other Profession

Rating Received:


That's horrible. I feel really bad for you. Your husband is wrong for sharing your personal problems with his family including his ex. Of course they're going to hate you. He needs to cut that crap out. The best suggestion I can give you if you're looking to save the marriage is to consider counceling for both of you if he is willing. Otherwise, get a good lawyer and get out of the marriage, you shouldn't have to suffer this way. Good Luck and don't be afraid to reach out to people like us. Remember, you deserve to be happy.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55

Rating Received: