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Can someone really change?
Dating / 5:32 PM - Wednesday June 22, 2011

Can someone really change?

I was with someone for four years. He had 3 children. It was drama either with them, the mother or us. Every day was a battle. I finally got tired of it and broke up with him. That was four months ago. I talked to him over the weekend. We had dinner last night. He says he knows now what was wrong with him and if I can just give him a chance he will show me. He says he fixed himself and that he wants to share everything with me, even half the business I helped him open. He says he wants to get married and take care of me. We broke up numerous times before but never for four months. He really has been trying for awhile now with emails etc. I want to believe him but its scary. Can a person really change when someone leaves them? Is that saying really true "you don't know what you got till its gone"???

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Joan was 67, I was 76, We mEt< lived ToGETHER, fell in love and married, It was Paradise till cancer took her, I now wait to join her, Doug

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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I would give him one last chance and take it slow. Put a time limit on it for him to prove himself and if he hasn't in that time then end it and end it for good. You can't keep coming and going to his every whim. You have your life to and need to get on with it you can not keep this up forever

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

You are safe to proceed, warily. You should get some clarification about what is going to stop the same old fights over kids and ex. But with him you are probably OK. Just be alert for any signs of relapse, and act sooner rather than later.

- Response by unluckyloveatfirstsighter, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I am forced to assume that you have no children of your own, have never been a parent yourself---so are ill equipped (not that it's your fault) to deal with the pressures of a step-family?

If you are not a parent, then you landed in a hornet's nest for sure. Hon...YOU can't be the "center of his universe" when he has that many kids to take care of and problems with the EX on top of that. Now, if you actually were emotionally oriented towards being an active step-parent WITH him, then it might work. It would be hard, but could still be a rewarding life together.

Perhaps it's the way you've written this, but you sound pretty focused on taking care of just YOUR needs, period. If he were to chuck his children for you, ugh, then he wouldn't be the kind of person I would want to be with, personally, but on the other hand---being a step-parent can be hell. Do the kids all hate you or something? Or did they form a bond with you and now you've abandoned them? I wish all of you luck with this situation.

- Response by feralberyl, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Columbus, Other Profession

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Generally speaking, People do not change,

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Does this mean that his Ex and the three children are no longer in his life? Then everything will clearly be different if you go back to him.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

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some people "change" long enough to get back in your good graces then start up again....one thing for you is the kids and ex...they aren't going anywhere so I highly doubt much will change sorry

- Response by lk2mvit, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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- Response by jenlovedock28, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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