Back to Home

Active Questions

Can my husband get custody of our kids?
Married Life / 9:45 PM - Tuesday June 21, 2011

can my husband get custody of our kids?

i am still married but have been separated from my husband for about 2 months now and am about 1 and a half months pregnant with my boyfriends baby.
he is now saying he is fighting for custody now of our 2 children we have together. he says the guy i'm seeing is an alleged drug dealer but i have no proof of that. i just dont want to lose my kids because of it. he told me even if they prove my boyfriend isnt a drug dealer that he can still get custody of the kids because i committed adultery n got pregnant.
i have no criminal record after the yr 2000, in which that was a few public intoxication charges and 1 harrassment charge. My husband on the other hand has been in lots of trouble with the law but is now doing undercover work for the cops doing drug busts. the reason he is doing this undercover work is to keep from going to jail for evading arrest and running from cops on foot and by car in 2009. 2 weeks ago the cops had to come over here because i allowed him in the house and he wanted to spend some time with me and the kids. well we ended up fighting and he stuck his fingernail hard into my arm and i called cops on him and he ran b4 they arrived and he the cop filed a family violence charge on him. so that will be showing up in court later. in 2009 he busted my lip open and got an assault/family violence charge for that. he shoved me another time in 2009 and got another family violence charge. in 2008 he got a dwi while hanging out with friends after work. so all in all, who is really the bad one here? i know i'm not perfect but neither is he.
is it more likely they will give me custody of the kids or him?
Also, i have been blessed to have the parents i have. they bought a trailor for me to live in with the kids when me and my husband were separated the first time. they only ask for rent money when he stays here because they feel like they dont want to be supporting a grown man. they dont mind supporting me since i'm their daughter and they love their grandkids. my husband on the other hand doesnt have a home. he lives with his dad who cant even pay his bills on his own home. they may be fixing to lose the house they are in. i also have a suburban that my parents gave to me. its paid off. my husband does not own a vehicle. he actually is restricted from driving because his license is suspended. and as far as our jobs go, i'd say he has the better job, making $15 per hour doing carpentry work and me on the other hand makes $7.50 per hour working as a cashier.
Can anyone tell me who would more than likely get the kids.

- Asked by lilmisscheery, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, San Antonio, Who Cares?

Read more about the Rating System


With all of this going on, why are you pregnant by your bf???? Do you really have the time and energy to be the single mother of yet another child????

Children form emotional attachments to both parents - mother and father, and it's very hard on children to live in emotional chaos. They need a secure, stable environment and they also need to have a relationship with both parents.

Given what you have said on here, you seem better able to provide a home than your ex-husband, but why are you complicating things with a new bf and a new baby? Your kids have enough emotional stuff going on right now without yet more.

BTW, I give you kudos for trying to have your husband visit the kids, but given the domestic violence issues and his ongoing drug problems, you need to do chaperoned visits.

My advice to you:

1) The welfare of your children needs to be your first priority. It's not about whether you want your kids more than your husband, it's about what is best for the children.

2) Given that, if you get primary custody of the kids - make them your highest priority. That means, don't get pregnant by any more guys who you are not married to, don't have a live-in bf that might end up abusing your kids - in other words, your needs for sex, male attention, affection, etc., are not as important as your kids' need for a safe, stable, non-chaotic home environment.

3) Focus on doing positive things that will improve your life and your children's lives. Go back to school if you need to, focus on working hard at your job so you can get a promotion, cook wholesome meals for your family, etc.

4) Spending time with your children doing things that will enrich their lives. Take them to the zoo, or on play dates with other kids or reading to them or tossing a baseball with them - in other words, don't set them in front of the TV while you talk on the phone with a bf or park them at your parents' while you go on dates.

Your kids will grow up fast. You can always date after they are in their teens and they don't want to spend time with you anyway. When they are young, it's really precious because they actually WANT to be with you - you're their hero and they look up to you. Treasure that time and use it to build a strong relationship with your kids. Spending time with them now while they are emotionally vulnerable is your priority.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:


i would say u both shouldn't have custody if this is the life ur poor kids gotta live in!!!

- Response by nicky711, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

Get a good lawyer.As long as you are not on drugs or drinking you should have no problem.I also would let some know he is a snich for the cops.If you lived in Florida half the trailer would be his.It's a 50 50 state.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Your husband is full of shit. Further, seek out the advice of a family law/divorce attorney. Generally the courts will NOT take the children away from their mother unless it is proven to the courts satisfaction that you've been neglectful, abusive or have caused harm to the kids.

Lastly, your husband is telling you all this as a manipulative tactic to "scare" and "control" you, in addition to trying to get out of paying child support to YOU. Don't fall for it. And you need to have a very serious conversation about the allegations your husband has made about your shack-up honey. If he's dealing drugs and lives with you and is around your kids and gets busted at your house or while with you and the kids, you could lose them regardless. You need to protect your children from this kind of menace if that is the case.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

Rating Received:


1. dont let the bf stay at your house
2. get a restraining order per the domestic violence report on your husband
3. make sure your house is clean, yard is clean and there is food in the house.
4. make sure teh kids are clean and reasonably healthy


all of the above is so that if child protective services shows up they have nothing to write down.

- Response by galdeen, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Administrative

Rating Received:


Part 2:
Speaking from experience...the healthier YOU are (emotionally) the healthier people you will attract into your life. The fact you have become involved with such sick people is a reflection of YOU. Something in you is broken that needs to be fixed. There is HOPE. Start saying, NO to the losers in your life!

- Response by gettingstronger, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Teaching

Rating Received:


First of all commiting adultry and getting pregnant are not enough to get your kids taken away from you. As far as the boyfriend take a good look at him. Because he could cause you trouble not only with the kids but he could bring his troubles home with him. So take a good hard look at him. You can make your life better or worse. your kids probably won't be taken away unless you are an unfit mother. But get your crap to gether not just for the kids sake but for your own.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


soo, you single now?

- Response by strongbow, A Jock, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


What the hell ever happen to joint custody, don't each parent have the rights to be with their own children, why are you all dragging the kids through the mud, grow up and allow each other the rights to your kids. Also recommend you get a lawyer.

- Response by media, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Norfolk, Other Profession

Rating Received:


it's hard for men to get custody of children. But if your husband can obtain proof that your current guy is a drug dealer he may be able to get custody. So I suggest that you cover yourself and find out if your current guy actually is a drug dealer...and that your home is clean. If you discover this info to be true then you have to change your living arrangement.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

Rating Received:


only a competent lawyer can tell you what your state laws say.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


You really need to talk to your lawyer about this. This is beyond Answerology's scope. What I can do is wish you luck, and advise you to keep your friends and family close close around you.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


It looks like your the better choice...but keep the new boyfriend away for now.... He may have a case... and he surely knows more than you about who's doing what as far as Drugs go....... You will be Lucky if they dont both get taken away from the both of you...if you start acting silly

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

Rating Received:



Hello every one i have just met with this reunitingexspellgmail.c om and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and i believe that he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. how i wish i met him before. my husband would have just come back to me.and every thing happened just the way Dr. Magbu had said it,i am so happy that i have met with Dr. Magbu,and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried Dr. Magbu,just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. And that's why i am out on the internet today, testifying of what he has done for me and my husband, if you were in my situation contact him through this email xxxxxxxxxx Brianna

- Response by reunitingexspell, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:



Hello every one i have just met with this reunitingexspellgmail.c om and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and i believe that he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. how i wish i met him before. my husband would have just come back to me.and every thing happened just the way Dr. Magbu had said it,i am so happy that i have met with Dr. Magbu,and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried Dr. Magbu,just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. And that's why i am out on the internet today, testifying of what he has done for me and my husband, if you were in my situation contact him through this email xxxxxxxxxx Brianna

- Response by reunitingexspell, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:


Depending On wHErE you live, the law usually grants custody to the mother as being the most suitable parent,

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

Rating Received:


What a train wreck. The State should get the kids.

- Response by stillagoodguy1, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

Rating Received:


Wow. What a huge mess!
Get a good lawyer. You need one.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

Rating Received:


Unfortunately you. Even though you are dating a drug dealer, you never even claim he isn't one, you just say no proof. Adultary with a kid on the way. And a record for drunk + disorderly. The only place you have and only vehicle is the grandparents.
Yep unfortunately in America, you will get the kids. Hell this is American court system you could pimp one of the kids out in front of the judge while smoking crack, and you'll still get the kids.


- Response by jjcabin, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Washington, DC, Technical

Rating Received: