With all of this going on, why are you pregnant by your bf???? Do you really have the time and energy to be the single mother of yet another child????
Children form emotional attachments to both parents - mother and father, and it's very hard on children to live in emotional chaos. They need a secure, stable environment and they also need to have a relationship with both parents.
Given what you have said on here, you seem better able to provide a home than your ex-husband, but why are you complicating things with a new bf and a new baby? Your kids have enough emotional stuff going on right now without yet more.
BTW, I give you kudos for trying to have your husband visit the kids, but given the domestic violence issues and his ongoing drug problems, you need to do chaperoned visits.
My advice to you:
1) The welfare of your children needs to be your first priority. It's not about whether you want your kids more than your husband, it's about what is best for the children.
2) Given that, if you get primary custody of the kids - make them your highest priority. That means, don't get pregnant by any more guys who you are not married to, don't have a live-in bf that might end up abusing your kids - in other words, your needs for sex, male attention, affection, etc., are not as important as your kids' need for a safe, stable, non-chaotic home environment.
3) Focus on doing positive things that will improve your life and your children's lives. Go back to school if you need to, focus on working hard at your job so you can get a promotion, cook wholesome meals for your family, etc.
4) Spending time with your children doing things that will enrich their lives. Take them to the zoo, or on play dates with other kids or reading to them or tossing a baseball with them - in other words, don't set them in front of the TV while you talk on the phone with a bf or park them at your parents' while you go on dates.
Your kids will grow up fast. You can always date after they are in their teens and they don't want to spend time with you anyway. When they are young, it's really precious because they actually WANT to be with you - you're their hero and they look up to you. Treasure that time and use it to build a strong relationship with your kids. Spending time with them now while they are emotionally vulnerable is your priority.
- Response by curvysmartgirl
, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer