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Why does he disappear everytime HE arranges to meet up with me?
Dating / 4:03 PM - Sunday June 19, 2011

Why does he disappear everytime HE arranges to meet up with me?

Ive known this guy about 3 years and we used to have a casual "arrangement" for about a year, then we both started relationships with other people (both now over) Everytime we bump into each other now, he tells me he misses me, and asks to meet up. I agree, then text him on the day to arrange time/place and he cancels. He always has a good excuse, and says we'll rearrange but then doesnt contact me for months. Until, in fact, we next bump into each other. Each time this has happened, he convinces me to see him and says he misses me and reminds me how much fun we used to have.

This time, he sent me a text in the middle of the night with a huge outpour of emotions "we have so much fun together, we get on so well, I really do like you, can't believe Ive only just realised blah blah" and I thought "wow, ok, he sounds genuine, and he's right, we made a pretty good team, ok lets meet up and see what happens".

So we arrange the day and I text him on the day to find out time and place and he cancels on me again.

Its frustrating, he always has a genuine reason (or what sounds like it), its not that that Im bothered about, its the fact that he then just seems to forgets all about it for months! I don't, Im the one sat there wandering why he keeps doing this to me!

Friends have said he's using me, but surely he'd have to actually get something to be using me? Are my friends right? I dont know what to do. I never chase him up or text him after hes said we'll rearrange, in my eyes, if you cancel on someone, your the one who should then contact them to arrange the next date, I dont want to look desperate.

Do I let him go and say no if he asks again, or just ask him and risk looking like an idiot myself if its just that he's changed his mind or was pissed when he sent me the text? Maybe he doesnt want to seem desperate and wants me to text him? Or maybe he scared about going on a date with me, we've never gone on a date before! Help, Im going crazy trying to decide whether to text him or not!

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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I think you forget about him. If he were serious about you, he wouldn't keep canceling and he wouldn't let time go by before he made plans and followed through with them. This is a case of paying more attention to actions and instead of words. His actions are showing you that he isn't serious about you. He is playing games and is stringing you along because you are allowing him to do that. He knows that you are interested in him and he is playing games with you. Most likely he is in a relationship with someone and is keeping you around as plan B in case his current relationship doesn't work out. By your actions, he knows that you will be around and he can treat you how he wants because you put up with it. Sorry to sound so harsh, but that is what I think is happening here. I would move on and when he tries contacting you again, I would ignore him.

- Response by iamboo2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Therapist

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Go by your instincts and don't chase him. I think the next time he wants to meet up say no and tell him because he always cancels. You've given him so many chances right? He must have other things going on and you're not on his priority list so just forget him

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Maybe his relationship isn't as "over" as you thought it was...and you're a backup he keeps out there...just in case?

Frankly, if he asked to meet up again, I'd just tell him no. I'd tell him that I'm tired of carving out some time in my life, just to get canceled on at the last moment...and I'd stick to it.

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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I think you are dealing with a man that is in love with ROMANCE.

And, I also think that he is with someone else. I am assuming that because he TOLD you he is no longer in a relationship, THAT is why you believe it to be true?

He is fulfilling his romantic desires through the remote use of words and chances are very strong you are not the only woman he is doing this with.

He has problems and if you DID manage to bring him into your REAL life, he would still be USING other women whenver and wherever he could find them.

Why you ask does he do this? He is crazy. There is no logical reason.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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