What should I do about my husbands over-dramatic reactions?
My husband and I are newlyweds. I am 24, he is 29. Lately I have been feeling frustrated with his reactions. Anytime I want to discuss something important to me, just day to day things that every couple should talk about, he gets really defensive and the situation rarely gets solved.
For example, today we were driving home from a friends house, we were talking about his company that he is in the process of purchasing from his brother. I have been helping him out, I made the website and have created our invoices and I help with all the office work. Well he recently expressed his frustration with work and how he can never seem to get things done on time. So I offered to help run errands for him so he has more time to do what he needs to for clients. I want to create a plan so that we can be more organized and he will feel less frustrated.
Well when we were driving home I was asking him questions about what we can do every morning and every night to make his job easier. He then said that he doesn't get frustrated and that what I was doing was making more things more complicated and he got upset at me and started saying that I was telling him that he never did anything and that I always act like I am the one that does all the work and he doesn't help at all.
I never said or implied any of that. I love my husband very much and I know how hard he works. I always let him know how much I appreciate him and how he is a hard worker, he admits that he often works too much. I was simply trying to help but he over-reacted and so I said, "ok, I can not help anymore because when I do you just get mad at me and change your story. One day you want my help, the next day you don't" to this he threw his hands up in the air and exclaimed. "Jesus Christ!" "OH WAIT I guess I can't say that anymore since you don't believe in Jesus anymore!"
Then he goes off on a tangent that I don't understand because he is constantly contradicting himself and it confuses me. I just sit there quietly because there is nothing I can say that he doesn't throw back at me. I don't want to argue I just want to talk. But he goes back and forth and ends up hurting my feelings. And somehow it always ends up being my fault. Then immediately after, he tries to talk to me like the whole thing didn't just happen, and he can say sorry and move on. To me like I just feel like I don't want to deal with it anymore and I am frustrated that we can never talk like two normal logical adults.
What do you do when every time you have to talk about something controversial your partner over reacts and ends up hurting your feelings, apologizing, and then doing the same thing again a few weeks later? It's a pattern that I see over and over again and I no longer feel like I can talk to him about anything. Is this normal? I have never been in a relationship like this. Would I be wrong to want to leave him because of our lack of communication? Or is that taking the easy way out? Maybe there is a better way. Has anyone else dated someone like this? Did it ever get better? I really need some advice.
- Asked by heatherd1015
, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Portland, Body Work