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What should I do about my husbands over-dramatic reactions?
Married Life / 2:53 PM - Sunday May 15, 2011

What should I do about my husbands over-dramatic reactions?

My husband and I are newlyweds. I am 24, he is 29. Lately I have been feeling frustrated with his reactions. Anytime I want to discuss something important to me, just day to day things that every couple should talk about, he gets really defensive and the situation rarely gets solved.

For example, today we were driving home from a friends house, we were talking about his company that he is in the process of purchasing from his brother. I have been helping him out, I made the website and have created our invoices and I help with all the office work. Well he recently expressed his frustration with work and how he can never seem to get things done on time. So I offered to help run errands for him so he has more time to do what he needs to for clients. I want to create a plan so that we can be more organized and he will feel less frustrated.

Well when we were driving home I was asking him questions about what we can do every morning and every night to make his job easier. He then said that he doesn't get frustrated and that what I was doing was making more things more complicated and he got upset at me and started saying that I was telling him that he never did anything and that I always act like I am the one that does all the work and he doesn't help at all.

I never said or implied any of that. I love my husband very much and I know how hard he works. I always let him know how much I appreciate him and how he is a hard worker, he admits that he often works too much. I was simply trying to help but he over-reacted and so I said, "ok, I can not help anymore because when I do you just get mad at me and change your story. One day you want my help, the next day you don't" to this he threw his hands up in the air and exclaimed. "Jesus Christ!" "OH WAIT I guess I can't say that anymore since you don't believe in Jesus anymore!"

Then he goes off on a tangent that I don't understand because he is constantly contradicting himself and it confuses me. I just sit there quietly because there is nothing I can say that he doesn't throw back at me. I don't want to argue I just want to talk. But he goes back and forth and ends up hurting my feelings. And somehow it always ends up being my fault. Then immediately after, he tries to talk to me like the whole thing didn't just happen, and he can say sorry and move on. To me like I just feel like I don't want to deal with it anymore and I am frustrated that we can never talk like two normal logical adults.

What do you do when every time you have to talk about something controversial your partner over reacts and ends up hurting your feelings, apologizing, and then doing the same thing again a few weeks later? It's a pattern that I see over and over again and I no longer feel like I can talk to him about anything. Is this normal? I have never been in a relationship like this. Would I be wrong to want to leave him because of our lack of communication? Or is that taking the easy way out? Maybe there is a better way. Has anyone else dated someone like this? Did it ever get better? I really need some advice.

- Asked by heatherd1015, A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Portland, Body Work

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I didn't read your mini Novel,,but I just wanna say..you're pretty Cute...Very Do'able !!

- Response by hedo2nj, A Player, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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I can only guess that he feels threattened or criticized. Focus on being less critical.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Sounds like he is not so sure about his ability to make things work.... Marriage , Business, it's a lot of stress on his part and i'm sure he is not going to relay that to you. He doesn't want you to know he's doubting himself, he can't share that with you,he doesn't want you to know he isn't sure and confident. It's His JOB to provide and be strong it's what is EXPECTED of him and all MEN..... we've been told and had that pounded into us since we were able to run. He's at about the age when you start to think That maybe you aren't going about this the right way..... It's a tough time. And it doesnt sound like he's handling it too well

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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seems like he's feeling threatened that he's not manly enough to be the caretaker and provider (all the guy crap). so you either continue tiptoeing around his fragile ego or you make him understand that when there's a problem it needs to be dealt with - even if it means to set his ego aside. time to grow up!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, New York, Who Cares?

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Okay, you do have to sit him down and tell him that you are absolutely his biggest fan and no one has more faith in him than you do and how proud you are of him of taking this remarkable step to further your family. Because you have such faith in him, you need him to do the stuff that's the most crucial and you can concentrate on the minutia that wastes his time and doesn't make any money for the company.

You know, don't tell him that he's acting like a little baby...and honey works better than vinegar...good luck


- Response by patresi, An Intellectual Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Well, it is clear to me that you have feelings for him and you don't want to leave him. It's just a thought that comes up when you are upset.
Perhaps he is just frustrated from his work and he is not used to sharing his duties. Maybe he feels he is not living up to your expectations by handing you down part of his duties.
My advice is to let him cool off by himself. You can never make men calm down by insisting they calm down, nor can you get them to communicate by asking them politely to do so. They will feel controlled and they will back away...
So, leave him space. Be there for him when he asks you to, and in the mean time stay in the background. If you have someting to tell him, you may try sending him a message, so you're not there when he receives it. He will not be able to get mad at you, as you are not there, and by the time you meet, he will have had time to process the information and maybe he will be more open for discussion.
And don't forget to end every message reassuring him that you love him and you will be there for him when HE decides to step out of the den...
Good luck in your marriage and congratulations for taking the hard way!

- Response by she00, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Teaching

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I would limit our conversation to domestic matters, He will soon get the idea and when he comments tell him that everytime you discuss other matters he goes beserk, He is not sharing your marriage D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Sounds like he is under a lot of stress right now just let hime know your there for him and I think everything will work out.

- Response by dambreaker, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Retired

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