I think it depends on the stepparents and the stepchildren. I was a stepchild. Nothing you've said was true in my case. And, this was a man my mother had an affair with.
1) I not only accepted him. I accepted him as my Dad. Because my biological Father was a deadbeat, child abuser, and insane.
2)I respected my stepfather greatly.
3)True. He never disciplined us. Because, we never did anything that would have warranted us getting disciplined by him. My mother disciplined us. He knew that is was the job of the biological parents to discipline and to keep problems down. He also knew how he felt about anyone laying a hand on his own children. Especially, after treating his children's mother badly and leaving. But, he still disciplined them. HIS children's stepfather received the treatment you've listed.
4)Not true, because there were never any issues where it was a children against the stepfather deal going on. If there was any type of disagreement or rules made, she listened to all sides. But, she wasn't going to allow her children to dictate her life with her husband.
5)Only happened once. It was me. Because, I had known him since I was 2 years old. I looked at him as my real Dad, so when my feelings were hurt. I said that to him once. I hurt him and I never did it again.
6)I was never bratty. Our relationship was very special and had a lot of love and understanding. He taught me about life and a lot of the things you would expect your Dad to teach you. He didn't have the same relationship with the other children because they were much older when he came into their lives.
7)Never thought that at all. None of us believed he was trying to replace our Father. Because, he never treated us like he was. He was my Mother's husband, whom we respected, period.
8)I love him dearly, just as I loved and would have continued loving my biological Father had he desired to be a DAD. People put up with it, because they love their spouse and felt they were worth it enough to go through whatever challenges might occur TOGETHER. The good or the bad. And, some have already filled out what type of parent/child relationship went on while dating.
If it was a healthy, respectful, functional, relationship with well-behaved children it wasn't that much of a risk. Most if they sense what you've listed in those children or biological parents; they wouldn't have stayed in the relationship long enough to marry the person. But, those who love deeply and are willing to be a positive influence in the lives of those children would.
I would love to love a man's children as my own. Even knowing they really were not. I would love to encourage and be a positive influence in their lives. I would never try to become their parent. I would respect their parents role in those childrens lives and the relationship they would have to continue to have with the other parent.
If those children or the relationship between the parents were unhealthy, unhappy, and wrong. I would not involve myself with that. I would not take it out on the children. I would do my best to be a good stepparent. But, I'm not going to be in a relationship that was unhealthy or dysfunctional. The children would have to know my position in that household and be well-behaved, loving children. No demon seeds sorry!
If my spouse wasn't willing to be in control of that situation and let those children know that I was to be respected and obeyed. I wouldn't be with that man, period. The "step" part wouldn't have even been the problem. Just the people involved period. IMHO
- Response by thelovedovefor1
, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?